nota

I am considering dating a recovered alcoholic. she is sober a little over 1 year. what can i expect

suki44883

Hard to say, not knowing the person. Everyone is different. How well do you know her?

oshkoshberjosh

Run!

In all seriousness, I would imagine it depends on what brought her to recovery in the first place. How far down was her rock bottom? what motivated her to get sober?

Chino

Has she shared what she's doing about her lifelong addiction and recovery?

nota

I dont know any of these answers. we have a friendship but we joke 90% of the time, no serious conversation. I dont know why she felt she needed help, just partying too much i guess. she is only late 20s.

MsPINKAcres

is she recovered?????

or in recovery????

from my perspective there is a BIG BIG Difference

if you are truly interested in dating this woman - I would suggest you attending some Al-anon meetings, open AA meetings and start slow - be cautious and ask your Higher Power for the EYES to be open for any RED FLAGS

Wishing you the very best,
HUGS,
Rita

Scott1970

I know you said in her late 20's, but age has nothing to do with her disease. I was a full blown Alcoholic in my mid twenties and did many wrongs. It took me until 39 to realize the problem and do something about it. Also, as an alcoholic, I can say that there is no Recovered..it is recovering..we constantly need to work our program. As was said before, go to Al-Anon..go to open AA meetings with her, and most important be open and communicate. Remember though, the past is the past..can't go back there. Live in the present.

ladyamalthea

Tread cautiously... and if you do decide to move forward, please do consider al-anon meetings, so you can learn how to cope in case she does relapse.

nota

recovered. she met the ex boyfriend at AA. I am not sure I would want to go to a meeting. Is is something she will need to continue for the rest of her life? They seem to have gotten her hooked on coffee as a replacemet. not that thats bad or anything......

suki44883

If you want to ask her out on a date, then go ahead. It's not like dating her is going to mean that you are involved in every area of her life. If the two of you decide to take the relationship further, then would be the time to talk about it.

ladyamalthea

Being hooked on anything is not good. If she's not in active recovery, then what is keeping her from drinking? Or finding another drug of choice?

Have you asked her about whether or not she goes to meetings?

Scott1970

Don't fear open meetings. They are not as you may imagine. The people in them come from all walks in life..lawyers, Doctors, carpenters, students..etc. We are there for one common purpose..our recovery. In my area most open meetings are speakers telling their story talking of where they were, how they got here, and what they are like now. A's and non A's alike can take something from most of these meetings.

As far as going the rest of her life..that is entirely up to her. If she wants to go to a meeting, do not say "not again" or "why". It is her program. I know when I stopped going after four months I went back out. This time around, I am at seven months, have a sponsor and learn something new every day.

I do not want to seem to be coming off hard, but I know how important my program is for me...

Good Luck with everything!

suki44883

Wow! Y'all sound like she's a bomb just waiting to explode. Cut her some slack. She's obviously been attending AA if that's where she met her ex. I say kudos to her for realizing she had a problem early on in her life and doing something about it. We're just talking about a date here, not marriage. LOL!

ladyamalthea

Suki,

I agree that it's great that she has cleaned up and that she has been to some meetings. But he only said that she met her ex at AA, he didn't say she was still going. And if she's of the mindset that she no longer has a problem (hence the "recovered" and not "recovering"), she's only setting herself up to relapse.

And it sounds like he already has feelings for her if they are already friends, which means that even going on one date could lead to something pretty intense. Nothing wrong with being careful, is all I was trying to say.

meditation

I think I understand why nobody really likes to come forth and say they are the A word because of the labels and the stigmas. Someone proud to recover won't have trouble saying they are in recovery but it does bring a boat load of issues that are hard to ever recover from. The addict can recover but can people allow the recovery?
Once you've been burned by an "A" I guess it would be hard to ever trust someone. That is so hard for both people, the A and the family or friend.
Soon I will be looking for work and I plan to tell my future employer I am in recovery I hope they will be open minded and give me a chance. I hope your future is rosy.

suki44883

Yeah, I realize all that. But again, we only know the little bit the OP posted. We don't know that SHE is the one who used the word recovered or if it was him. We also don't know if she is still attending meetings or not. A lot of stuff has just been assumed and like the OP said, he's only considering asking her out. There will be time to find out more if and when they spend more time together. No one is saying not to be cautious, but she is a whole lot more than just a person who used to drink enough to get help for it. I wasn't attacking anyone, just trying to put it in perspective. Besides, when he asks her out, she might say no.

Scott1970

I guess I did come off sounding a little wrong..I am not saying that she is evil A and to run away....Heck if that was the case I will never go out with anyone. I guess what I am really trying to say is along with respecting her, respect her program..it is part of her..

ladyamalthea

And I wasn't trying to imply that she is nothing more than an alcoholic... no one is "just" an alcoholic or addict, recovering or not. They are still human beings, and when they are in recovery they deserve all the encouragement and support we can give them.

But the OP'er does need to be aware that, if she is going to stay sober and not relapse, being in recovery will be a lifelong process.

Freedom1990

Just for clarification purposes, the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous uses the word 'recovered' several times.

I am a recovered alcoholic in that I have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.

However, that does not imply in any way that I am no longer an alcoholic, or am cured.

I have a daily reprieve from my alcoholism contingent on the maintenance of spiritual principles.

Clear as mud?

nota

Because we are friends and she has flirted with me bigtime, I know she will say yes if I ask. She may even ask me. It would be intense and I would jump right into a relationsip with her which is why I ask.