You Can Still Have Fun Without Booze...I Did It Tonight
Snarf Snarf
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
You Can Still Have Fun Without Booze...I Did It Tonight
I just last week celebrated 4 months without the booze. I am so thankful to SR, AA and my Higher Power for these months.
A common concern, and cause of anxiety and nervousness, I see around the Newcomer forum is that of people wondering if they will ever be able to have fun again without drinking. First of all, it's best not to let yourself get worked up over something that hasn't even happened yet. No reason to visualize some event in the future, and picture other "normal" people drinking and enjoying themselves, and seeing yourself there without a drink and wondering if you'll be able to do it. It hasn't happened yet, probably won't occur the way you think it will, and things usually turn out better than what we think they will.
But aside from all that, yes, you can still have fun without alcohol. Not to mention you generally save money, don't end up in jail, don't look and feel and smell like crap the next day, and don't wake up wondering where the heck you're at.
Tonight I had the pleasure of enjoying time with friends at 2 different locations and events. After work, I headed a few blocks down the street to meet with some old friends for a work "reunion." I worked with these people 10 & 11 years ago, beginning when I was 18, and tonight was the first real concerted effort to bring the group back together. The place we worked was a sports bar, and as you can imagine, a bunch of 18- to 25-year-olds living in downtown Atlanta + making lots of money at a sports bar = getting really wasted on a very regular (daily) basis. So when we all met up tonight, of course it was at a club downtown where one of our old co-workers was working the bar. Everyone enjoying copious amounts of alcohol, and I just drank a Red Bull and some bottled water.
Mind you, my roommates (who also worked there) and I were pretty much the ringleaders of the party crowd in those days. We did everything more, and harder, and longer, and better (frankly) than the other kids did; folks just couldn't keep up with us. People would show up at the apartment to hang out, and leave a day and a half later muttering about, "I can't hang out with you people anymore." We were pretty crazy. So everyone was pretty much astonished tonight when I wasn't drinking, but we danced and people said how much I had changed and we swapped stories and we took pictures and it was just a blast. And at the end of the night, when a friend had lost her phone (it was taken mistakenly by someone else), I was able to help her track it down and go pick it up from the other girl. She totally would not have gotten her phone tonight, had I not been the only sober person there to help her. So all in all, a great experience.
I also had the pleasure of hanging out with some friends from my current work this evening. One girl was celebrating her birthday at the drag show that my restaurant hosts every Tuesday. (It's a lot of fun, if you've never experienced one.) As my work is 3 blocks from the club where the reunion was, I was able to walk from the club back to my work to hang out for an hour before returning back to the party. On Tuesday nights we offer all bottles of wine and champagne 50% off, so needless to say, at the drag shows the alcohol is flowing. Again, a Red Bull and a water and I was able to totally enjoy myself. Talked to friends, made a good impression on the boss who has lots of respect for my decision to not drink, and even blushed and got embarrassed when one of the "ladies" decided to get a little close to me. (I think being 1 of the 2 straight men in a room of 40 women and 25 gay men kinda made me stand out.) And I still have money in my pocket, didn't worry about cops while I was driving home, and won't wake up with a headache tomorrow.
That's just a long-winded way of showing 2 examples in 1 night of being in situations where almost everyone else is drunk or drinking and being able to be totally content and enjoy yourself. I had a blast all night.
A common concern, and cause of anxiety and nervousness, I see around the Newcomer forum is that of people wondering if they will ever be able to have fun again without drinking. First of all, it's best not to let yourself get worked up over something that hasn't even happened yet. No reason to visualize some event in the future, and picture other "normal" people drinking and enjoying themselves, and seeing yourself there without a drink and wondering if you'll be able to do it. It hasn't happened yet, probably won't occur the way you think it will, and things usually turn out better than what we think they will.
But aside from all that, yes, you can still have fun without alcohol. Not to mention you generally save money, don't end up in jail, don't look and feel and smell like crap the next day, and don't wake up wondering where the heck you're at.
Tonight I had the pleasure of enjoying time with friends at 2 different locations and events. After work, I headed a few blocks down the street to meet with some old friends for a work "reunion." I worked with these people 10 & 11 years ago, beginning when I was 18, and tonight was the first real concerted effort to bring the group back together. The place we worked was a sports bar, and as you can imagine, a bunch of 18- to 25-year-olds living in downtown Atlanta + making lots of money at a sports bar = getting really wasted on a very regular (daily) basis. So when we all met up tonight, of course it was at a club downtown where one of our old co-workers was working the bar. Everyone enjoying copious amounts of alcohol, and I just drank a Red Bull and some bottled water.
Mind you, my roommates (who also worked there) and I were pretty much the ringleaders of the party crowd in those days. We did everything more, and harder, and longer, and better (frankly) than the other kids did; folks just couldn't keep up with us. People would show up at the apartment to hang out, and leave a day and a half later muttering about, "I can't hang out with you people anymore." We were pretty crazy. So everyone was pretty much astonished tonight when I wasn't drinking, but we danced and people said how much I had changed and we swapped stories and we took pictures and it was just a blast. And at the end of the night, when a friend had lost her phone (it was taken mistakenly by someone else), I was able to help her track it down and go pick it up from the other girl. She totally would not have gotten her phone tonight, had I not been the only sober person there to help her. So all in all, a great experience.
I also had the pleasure of hanging out with some friends from my current work this evening. One girl was celebrating her birthday at the drag show that my restaurant hosts every Tuesday. (It's a lot of fun, if you've never experienced one.) As my work is 3 blocks from the club where the reunion was, I was able to walk from the club back to my work to hang out for an hour before returning back to the party. On Tuesday nights we offer all bottles of wine and champagne 50% off, so needless to say, at the drag shows the alcohol is flowing. Again, a Red Bull and a water and I was able to totally enjoy myself. Talked to friends, made a good impression on the boss who has lots of respect for my decision to not drink, and even blushed and got embarrassed when one of the "ladies" decided to get a little close to me. (I think being 1 of the 2 straight men in a room of 40 women and 25 gay men kinda made me stand out.) And I still have money in my pocket, didn't worry about cops while I was driving home, and won't wake up with a headache tomorrow.
That's just a long-winded way of showing 2 examples in 1 night of being in situations where almost everyone else is drunk or drinking and being able to be totally content and enjoy yourself. I had a blast all night.
Snarf Snarf
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
KCB, yep, read that thing cover to cover. And more than once. It's always in my bookbag when I leave the house. I don't generally place myself in situations where every other person is drinking. When people go out after work, I come home and watch TV and hang out with my girl and our cats. But tonight there were 2 special occasions, so I decided to be involved in both (how convenient that they were only 3 blocks apart!). Glad I was able to hang out and have fun, and glad I wasn't one of the people complaining about how bad they're going to feel tomorrow!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: London
Posts: 266
[QUOTE=Snarf;2663775] No reason to visualize some event in the future, and picture other "normal" people drinking and enjoying themselves, and seeing yourself there without a drink and wondering if you'll be able to do it. It hasn't happened yet, probably won't occur the way you think it will, and things usually turn out better than what we think they will.
Snarf,
It really sounds like you had a fantastic time...
I have read the above advice in several shapes and forms many times. Thanks a million for explaining and illustrating! it with examples so well. It is so important to remember this and so difficult to achieve it.
Thank you for this post
Snarf,
It really sounds like you had a fantastic time...
I have read the above advice in several shapes and forms many times. Thanks a million for explaining and illustrating! it with examples so well. It is so important to remember this and so difficult to achieve it.
Thank you for this post
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Nice one man. Hats off to you for getting and staying sober in your line of work too.
Yes, once the obsession for alcohol is fully removed then it becomes possible to enjoy events. I accept that my experince will be different now to when I was drinking and drugging. I am loving my sobriety and my journey.
Glad you're loving yours too mate.
peace
Yes, once the obsession for alcohol is fully removed then it becomes possible to enjoy events. I accept that my experince will be different now to when I was drinking and drugging. I am loving my sobriety and my journey.
Glad you're loving yours too mate.
peace
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 64
Good for you Snarf! I agree that once you are comfortable in your sobriety you can be around situations where there is alcohol. The things I've noticed about this though are:
I am pickier about the situation. If it's friends that I really enjoy and have plenty to talk about with then I can do it and have a good time. When I was drinking, I'd drink and turn off and frankly, the other people didn't make a huge difference to me. Now that I have to be present, I don't like putting myself in every social situation.
The second thing is I don't like to stay as long. I might go hang for an hour or possibly two...no more marathon sessions. Without round after round of drinks, I guess there's just no reason to sit at a bar or party for hours on end!
That's just me and what I've discovered about going out sober. To each his own, I know.
I am pickier about the situation. If it's friends that I really enjoy and have plenty to talk about with then I can do it and have a good time. When I was drinking, I'd drink and turn off and frankly, the other people didn't make a huge difference to me. Now that I have to be present, I don't like putting myself in every social situation.
The second thing is I don't like to stay as long. I might go hang for an hour or possibly two...no more marathon sessions. Without round after round of drinks, I guess there's just no reason to sit at a bar or party for hours on end!
That's just me and what I've discovered about going out sober. To each his own, I know.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Good for you Snarf.
Part of the 10th step promises (not sure if you're in AA or not) talk about being placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected........that we'll seldom be tempted by liquor. (seldom doesn't mean "never" though)
Page 100 and 101 talks about how, IF WE ARE SPIRITUALLY FIT, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. We don't have to avoid places where liquor is sold, we don't have to shun friends, we don't have to avoid tv, movies, or things like that where alcohol is advertised, and it specifically says we don't even have to stay out of bars, weddings, nightclubs, dances, receptions or convince our friends to hide all the booze in their homes when we show up.
*It doesn't say we SHOULD do all those things on a regular basis but, so long as there's a legitimate reason to be there...there's nothing forbidden about going.
bear in mind.......all this is contingent upon being in fit spiritual condition....and FIT means FIT!
Part of the 10th step promises (not sure if you're in AA or not) talk about being placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected........that we'll seldom be tempted by liquor. (seldom doesn't mean "never" though)
Page 100 and 101 talks about how, IF WE ARE SPIRITUALLY FIT, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. We don't have to avoid places where liquor is sold, we don't have to shun friends, we don't have to avoid tv, movies, or things like that where alcohol is advertised, and it specifically says we don't even have to stay out of bars, weddings, nightclubs, dances, receptions or convince our friends to hide all the booze in their homes when we show up.
*It doesn't say we SHOULD do all those things on a regular basis but, so long as there's a legitimate reason to be there...there's nothing forbidden about going.
bear in mind.......all this is contingent upon being in fit spiritual condition....and FIT means FIT!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 28
Snarf, That is amazing. Not only did you avoid the pitfalls you were surrounded with, you also were able to enjoy everything and have a great time. I would think that this would have given you a huge boost mentally on how you were able to avoid drinking. Keep on!
Snarf Snarf
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Originally Posted by Kmber2010 
Well done. I find I have so much more fun and am much better company sober
But last night I was actually able to talk to my friends. Ask them what they've been up to the last decade. Talk about kids and families and such. And I actually cared. Because the whole reason I was there was to reconnect with old friends, not to get wasted. And it worked out very well.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
I was never much of a party animal and did 99% of my drinking at home alone so don't have many social events to attend or worry about. But I do agree that everything is more fun sober! I'm happier being 'with myself' than I've ever been and feel no more need/desire to drink for any reason.
I'm happier being 'with myself' than I've ever been and feel no more need/desire to drink for any reason. 
Snarf Snarf
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Originally Posted by DayTrader
Good for you Snarf.
Part of the 10th step promises (not sure if you're in AA or not) talk about being placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected........that we'll seldom be tempted by liquor. (seldom doesn't mean "never" though)
Page 100 and 101 talks about how, IF WE ARE SPIRITUALLY FIT, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. We don't have to avoid places where liquor is sold, we don't have to shun friends, we don't have to avoid tv, movies, or things like that where alcohol is advertised, and it specifically says we don't even have to stay out of bars, weddings, nightclubs, dances, receptions or convince our friends to hide all the booze in their homes when we show up.
*It doesn't say we SHOULD do all those things on a regular basis but, so long as there's a legitimate reason to be there...there's nothing forbidden about going.
bear in mind.......all this is contingent upon being in fit spiritual condition....and FIT means FIT!
Part of the 10th step promises (not sure if you're in AA or not) talk about being placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected........that we'll seldom be tempted by liquor. (seldom doesn't mean "never" though)
Page 100 and 101 talks about how, IF WE ARE SPIRITUALLY FIT, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. We don't have to avoid places where liquor is sold, we don't have to shun friends, we don't have to avoid tv, movies, or things like that where alcohol is advertised, and it specifically says we don't even have to stay out of bars, weddings, nightclubs, dances, receptions or convince our friends to hide all the booze in their homes when we show up.
*It doesn't say we SHOULD do all those things on a regular basis but, so long as there's a legitimate reason to be there...there's nothing forbidden about going.
bear in mind.......all this is contingent upon being in fit spiritual condition....and FIT means FIT!
In those early days, I did what everyone does and visualized certain future events in my life, and how would I possibly be able to not drink during them? But in these 4 months I've been to a birthday party at a bar, a reunion at a club, several Atlanta Braves games (where I used to consume A LOT of beer)...I find that I really can do the fun things I did before, just without alcohol. Main difference now is I don't go out with the intention to drink. I no longer leave work and park myself at a bar for 2 to 8 hours. I find more constructive and positive things to do with my time. But if I do plan to do something where drinking is involved, I just have to be clear about why I'm there and how I'm gonna bust out if I need to.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Rock on Snarf. Hope you don't think I was lecturing you. I think you obviously understood everything I said before I typed it.
Those parts of the BB I typed were a huuuuge relief to me. I had heard all this talk of avoiding "triggers" and avoiding the places where you used to drink (not from AA folks) in my early attempts at recovery. Being new, I believed them and was kinda freaked because I'd have to find a new job, move to a new house, never play golf, quit cutting my grass, not lay down to go to sleep at night, get rid of all my friends, not walk into another party store or any of the local grocery stores, not go to a restaurant, never watch a game at a sports bar with all the crazies....... on and ON....
I, well......I've had a lot of fun doing a lot of stuff I always thought alcoholics shouldn't be able to do. I routinely do about 95% of the stuff on my old "trigger list" (LOL) and it doesn't cross my MIND to drink again.
Those parts of the BB I typed were a huuuuge relief to me. I had heard all this talk of avoiding "triggers" and avoiding the places where you used to drink (not from AA folks) in my early attempts at recovery. Being new, I believed them and was kinda freaked because I'd have to find a new job, move to a new house, never play golf, quit cutting my grass, not lay down to go to sleep at night, get rid of all my friends, not walk into another party store or any of the local grocery stores, not go to a restaurant, never watch a game at a sports bar with all the crazies....... on and ON....
I, well......I've had a lot of fun doing a lot of stuff I always thought alcoholics shouldn't be able to do. I routinely do about 95% of the stuff on my old "trigger list" (LOL) and it doesn't cross my MIND to drink again.
Snarf Snarf
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
No prob on the "lecturing," DT. Didn't take it that way at all. You're always straight up and honest with everyone here, and I appreciate that a lot. But you're right, if we were supposed to abandon all the things we used to associate with drinking, well, I wouldn't be able to do a whole lot, because drinking was associated with EVERYTHING I did. Now I just realize how much I was missing out on when I was combining alcohol with my hobbies.
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