Trouble Asking for....
{tap}{tap}...Is this thing on?
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Getting There
Posts: 276
Trouble Asking for....
Gosh, where to start. This is my first post and I am really struggling today.
Has/doesanyone else find it difficult to connect with other people? Ask for help? Call a contact on their Al-Anon list?
I am feeling pretty low today - mostly b/c I think that I will can't get out of the cycle of keeping everyone at a distance. I wonder if I will ever have close friends (maybe I do but don't see it) that I share with outside of my counselor. I haven't let myself ask for advice from others. What is this? What can I do to make it hurt less?
My Anon meetings have been a gift and maybe my missing the last few weeks is the reason I am feeling so blue and disconnected. I'm planning on attending Sat. and I will ask there as well. But I do need feedback. Sometimes my Anon meetings don't offer the direct feedback that I need - more accurately want.
Any words of wisdom would be graciously accepted today. Another round of Serenity prayers coming up.
Thanks everyone!
Petunia
Has/doesanyone else find it difficult to connect with other people? Ask for help? Call a contact on their Al-Anon list?
I am feeling pretty low today - mostly b/c I think that I will can't get out of the cycle of keeping everyone at a distance. I wonder if I will ever have close friends (maybe I do but don't see it) that I share with outside of my counselor. I haven't let myself ask for advice from others. What is this? What can I do to make it hurt less?
My Anon meetings have been a gift and maybe my missing the last few weeks is the reason I am feeling so blue and disconnected. I'm planning on attending Sat. and I will ask there as well. But I do need feedback. Sometimes my Anon meetings don't offer the direct feedback that I need - more accurately want.
Any words of wisdom would be graciously accepted today. Another round of Serenity prayers coming up.
Thanks everyone!
Petunia
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: mid-atlantic
Posts: 53
hi petunia, welcome!
i'm relatively new here too, but wanted to say hello.
i began going to alanon mtgs this earlier this summer and i still have a very hard time picking up the phone. its just a struggle for me still. i don't know why.
i do know that if i go for a few days without going to mtgs, i start really whipping around wildly in the wind.
i did recently ask someone at a mtg i attend regularly to be my temp sponsor. that was an important step because she gives me some structure and direction. i feel less alone.
now, each week, i have to put my mtgs on my calendar before i plan anything else. i have to commit to pick up the phone and call at least 3 different alanon people....thats on my calendar too. a promise. a commitment. to myself. baby steps since its so hard for me.
maybe this would help you too.
i also know that if i don't go to a certain number of mtgs each week, my thoughts start to STINK and grow way too big and overwhelming.
going to mtgs somehow helps me feel like i can make the calls too. my sponsor promised that the more calls i make, the easier it will get.
i also started to stay around for a few minutes after the meetings..again, because my sponsor told me too. that really helped. i guarantee you that even if you stand there in silence out of being shy or whatever, someone will approach you and ask how you're doing. thats a good way to ask for some specific guidance too.
all the stuff i've tried on my own hasn't helped or worked, so i'm listening to my sponsor, to the program...trying to anyway.
coming here helps as well. i posted in the beginning, then sort of backed off, now i returned to posting again (even though i read here daily) per my sponosor's recommendation. just to stop isolating, you know?? you can ask questions about specific situations or just vent or whatever you need. someone will be here for you.
keep coming back!!!!
support and love coming your way.
i'm relatively new here too, but wanted to say hello.
i began going to alanon mtgs this earlier this summer and i still have a very hard time picking up the phone. its just a struggle for me still. i don't know why.
i do know that if i go for a few days without going to mtgs, i start really whipping around wildly in the wind.
i did recently ask someone at a mtg i attend regularly to be my temp sponsor. that was an important step because she gives me some structure and direction. i feel less alone.
now, each week, i have to put my mtgs on my calendar before i plan anything else. i have to commit to pick up the phone and call at least 3 different alanon people....thats on my calendar too. a promise. a commitment. to myself. baby steps since its so hard for me.
maybe this would help you too.
i also know that if i don't go to a certain number of mtgs each week, my thoughts start to STINK and grow way too big and overwhelming.
going to mtgs somehow helps me feel like i can make the calls too. my sponsor promised that the more calls i make, the easier it will get.
i also started to stay around for a few minutes after the meetings..again, because my sponsor told me too. that really helped. i guarantee you that even if you stand there in silence out of being shy or whatever, someone will approach you and ask how you're doing. thats a good way to ask for some specific guidance too.
all the stuff i've tried on my own hasn't helped or worked, so i'm listening to my sponsor, to the program...trying to anyway.
coming here helps as well. i posted in the beginning, then sort of backed off, now i returned to posting again (even though i read here daily) per my sponosor's recommendation. just to stop isolating, you know?? you can ask questions about specific situations or just vent or whatever you need. someone will be here for you.
keep coming back!!!!
support and love coming your way.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 413
I hate big groups of all kinds. One on one I can talk to anyone but theres just something about walking into a group and not knowing anyone. Reminds me of being the gawky nerd in highschool that nobody picked.
One thing that Ive found that helps is to look around for some other poor soul who looks just as miserable as me. I go up to them and say HI and try to make them feel welcome. Youd be surprized how much better you feel when you quit focusing on yourself. And as a bonus you made someone else feel not so alone.
Another thing I do is volunteer to set up or cleanup or pass stuff out. Gives you something to do so you dont stand around looking lost. And as you go about your tasks you can engage people in conversation.
One thing that Ive found that helps is to look around for some other poor soul who looks just as miserable as me. I go up to them and say HI and try to make them feel welcome. Youd be surprized how much better you feel when you quit focusing on yourself. And as a bonus you made someone else feel not so alone.
Another thing I do is volunteer to set up or cleanup or pass stuff out. Gives you something to do so you dont stand around looking lost. And as you go about your tasks you can engage people in conversation.
Paused
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Iowa USA
Posts: 102
I have a hard time initiating such a personal contact as well. In my case, I think I have been alone with this problem so long. But if we want to be different, we have to risk the change, even risk making a few mistakes here and there.
To tell you the truth, I don't even want to go to meetings most times, it just seems too hard - but I go and afterward I am really glad I did.
To tell you the truth, I don't even want to go to meetings most times, it just seems too hard - but I go and afterward I am really glad I did.
Paused
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 10
Petunia - I'm new here too and i know exactly how you feel. Being new to a meeting and trying to connect is hard for me too. That's why I have not been to a meeting in years. I don't even know how to find them. I keep people at a distance and wonder too if i will ever have close friends. I do know that Alanon is what I need - in Alanon, there are people are experincing the same challenges that I am. It's what we need to do....keep coming back! I'm going to look for a meeting and make it a point to attend one this week...Take care!
.
.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 413
Country Girl
You mean I actually said something that made sense. Will wonders never cease. LOL.
Right now I dont have a lot of interaction either. Good thing Im introverted. Truthfully I enjoy spending time by myself.
Im easily amused. But it is nice to chat once in a while.
You mean I actually said something that made sense. Will wonders never cease. LOL.
Right now I dont have a lot of interaction either. Good thing Im introverted. Truthfully I enjoy spending time by myself.
Im easily amused. But it is nice to chat once in a while.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 413
Question for you AlaNoners.
Say someone like Petunia called in and said they were too shy to come by themseves to a meeting. Do you have members who would meet them and stay with them for the first couple meetings till they were okay alone.
Say someone like Petunia called in and said they were too shy to come by themseves to a meeting. Do you have members who would meet them and stay with them for the first couple meetings till they were okay alone.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
