on day at a time... hell one sec at a time
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Fredonia N.Y
Posts: 44
on day at a time... hell one sec at a time
hi my name is jennifer and this is just a update... i have been trying to get into a program for awhile now... 28 day and then even longer after that...had appt yesterday... really thought i would be heading to the 28 day...but looks like it might take a little longer then i thought or wanted it to...hopefully i will no something be wed....
i have been fighting this addiction for the last 11 years... well i should not say fighting.. sense i never wanted it till now for me... i have been in treatment before...but for my kids....boyfriend...ect... i really did want to be better...for them.... cause i love them so much.... i wanted to stop hurting them...but now believe that is why it never worked for me... i was not in with all my heart......
i can now say i want this with all my heart and then some....i think for me i need to be in a inpatient program for now that is... cause i have to re-discover who i am....i dont want the old me back.... cause i was not happy with the old me (before my pill use) or i dont think i would have ever let it become such a prom... so i need to learn who i am and ect.... like i said before to me its like being born again...learing to crawl...walk...talk...ect ect and i am ready for this.. of course i no its going to be hard as hell and hurt alot...but i know now that is the only way threw it and to get to where i want to be in life...
i am use to running and not facing anything in life that is stressful...to hard....
so i am ready to go right threw the fire... to get to the island that has been waitting for me....i deserve this... as well as my loved ones...kids.... boyfriend... and now my grandaughter and another on the way.....
its time i put that same effort into my recovery as i did getting and using the pills.... i feel very lucky today to be here... and have the chance at recovery...... not everyone even gets that opp...... i am also lucky to be healthy at this point.... things i have always taken for granted... i have been taking 50 to 60 tab's a day for about 6 or 7 of my 11 year addiction... so again i say i am very lucky to even be here... let alone still healthy....
i have hit my rock bottom and am ready (more ready then i have better been to fight this)
i also need to keep my guard up... cause i of all people no how good this addiction is... sneaky as hell.... and just as a minuplater as i was...
it waits and waits with patients for us to go of track for just one sec... to be depressed... stressed and feel lost.... and boom it is right there to comfort us and make us feel as if it is the only way to feel better.... so i am aware that when i say i hit my rock bottom... to be careful...cause who knows where the bottom really is.... just when you think it cant get any lower then it is...another door can and will open...for me to fall even more....
that is why i know i have to do everything different this time.... i am getting into treatment as soon as i can... and until then i am going to meetings as much as possible and i am on here reading... (all the time)
really i feel so lucky to have found this site when i did....
thanks to all
Jen
i have been fighting this addiction for the last 11 years... well i should not say fighting.. sense i never wanted it till now for me... i have been in treatment before...but for my kids....boyfriend...ect... i really did want to be better...for them.... cause i love them so much.... i wanted to stop hurting them...but now believe that is why it never worked for me... i was not in with all my heart......
i can now say i want this with all my heart and then some....i think for me i need to be in a inpatient program for now that is... cause i have to re-discover who i am....i dont want the old me back.... cause i was not happy with the old me (before my pill use) or i dont think i would have ever let it become such a prom... so i need to learn who i am and ect.... like i said before to me its like being born again...learing to crawl...walk...talk...ect ect and i am ready for this.. of course i no its going to be hard as hell and hurt alot...but i know now that is the only way threw it and to get to where i want to be in life...
i am use to running and not facing anything in life that is stressful...to hard....
so i am ready to go right threw the fire... to get to the island that has been waitting for me....i deserve this... as well as my loved ones...kids.... boyfriend... and now my grandaughter and another on the way.....
its time i put that same effort into my recovery as i did getting and using the pills.... i feel very lucky today to be here... and have the chance at recovery...... not everyone even gets that opp...... i am also lucky to be healthy at this point.... things i have always taken for granted... i have been taking 50 to 60 tab's a day for about 6 or 7 of my 11 year addiction... so again i say i am very lucky to even be here... let alone still healthy....
i have hit my rock bottom and am ready (more ready then i have better been to fight this)
i also need to keep my guard up... cause i of all people no how good this addiction is... sneaky as hell.... and just as a minuplater as i was...
it waits and waits with patients for us to go of track for just one sec... to be depressed... stressed and feel lost.... and boom it is right there to comfort us and make us feel as if it is the only way to feel better.... so i am aware that when i say i hit my rock bottom... to be careful...cause who knows where the bottom really is.... just when you think it cant get any lower then it is...another door can and will open...for me to fall even more....
that is why i know i have to do everything different this time.... i am getting into treatment as soon as i can... and until then i am going to meetings as much as possible and i am on here reading... (all the time)
really i feel so lucky to have found this site when i did....
thanks to all
Jen
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Here There & Everywhere
Posts: 153
Welcome Cissybug
No personal experience with narcotic addition, but looks like it is hell. Wishing you the very best in your recovery. Someone with some experience should be along very soon to give you more encouragement!
Hugs and keep strong!
Hugs and keep strong!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
We do know when it's time don't we? I'm so glad you realized this for yourself before something awful happened. Be proud of yourself and give everything you have to fight this disease. I hope you can get into treatment soon You have so much to live for. God Bless on your road to a new and much better life. Please let us know how you make out.
Best Wishes
Best Wishes
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hey Jen - hang in there. It is hard, but when we're at the bottom, there's only one way to go, and that's UP. I do believe we have what we need inside of us (rather than in a substance) and it's just a matter of getting to the core of who we are. I know you'll find a lot of help and support for that process in treatment, so good for you on that! 
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Fredonia N.Y
Posts: 44
thanks opivotal, and artsoul for your post... things like this really do matter....
and i also agree with you artsoul that we all have what we need in side of us.... but like you said it is getting to the core of who we are ( them are really strong words) and so very true for me that is... i know that most of my work ahead of me for the start of it at least.... is going to be getting to know me... who i am...... again thanks... any and all words of wisdom help more then you know
Jen
and i also agree with you artsoul that we all have what we need in side of us.... but like you said it is getting to the core of who we are ( them are really strong words) and so very true for me that is... i know that most of my work ahead of me for the start of it at least.... is going to be getting to know me... who i am...... again thanks... any and all words of wisdom help more then you know
Jen
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
Jennifer, I understand exactly how you feel.
It's so hard to know we are going to finally have face all the stuff we've been avoiding for so long and we keep hoping for a way around it. But, as you said, there is no way around it, but to go through it.
Good luck with your decision to go into treatment. And, in the meantime, please hang out here sometimes and you will be inspired.
It's so hard to know we are going to finally have face all the stuff we've been avoiding for so long and we keep hoping for a way around it. But, as you said, there is no way around it, but to go through it.
Good luck with your decision to go into treatment. And, in the meantime, please hang out here sometimes and you will be inspired.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Fredonia N.Y
Posts: 44
thanks Anna,
really these post help more then you think (for me) and i am so ready to get started on this fight of mine... scred as hell also...but i know that if i dont go threw the hard times i will never get to the good times.... i know if i want it bad enough then life can and will be great for me and the people i have around me....nothing good can happen with out getting rid of the bad... and to get rid of the bad... i have to go threw it...deal with it and put it in the past.... i am also aware that in life..everyone has and goes threw bad times... i have to prepare myself to also handle them times as well.... so i can get threw them instead of running and hiding from them... cause all that ever did was make things soooo much harder and so much more for me to deal with..... but hey the good thing is i no this now..... and can stop my promblems from just piling up in a stack.... the will get to someday stack....lol now its time i work on that stack and learn to deal and live lifes everyday sitiuations... thanks to all again..( i could never say thanks enough
really these post help more then you think (for me) and i am so ready to get started on this fight of mine... scred as hell also...but i know that if i dont go threw the hard times i will never get to the good times.... i know if i want it bad enough then life can and will be great for me and the people i have around me....nothing good can happen with out getting rid of the bad... and to get rid of the bad... i have to go threw it...deal with it and put it in the past.... i am also aware that in life..everyone has and goes threw bad times... i have to prepare myself to also handle them times as well.... so i can get threw them instead of running and hiding from them... cause all that ever did was make things soooo much harder and so much more for me to deal with..... but hey the good thing is i no this now..... and can stop my promblems from just piling up in a stack.... the will get to someday stack....lol now its time i work on that stack and learn to deal and live lifes everyday sitiuations... thanks to all again..( i could never say thanks enough
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Fredonia N.Y
Posts: 44
thanks Anna,
really these post help more then you think (for me) and i am so ready to get started on this fight of mine... scred as hell also...but i know that if i dont go threw the hard times i will never get to the good times.... i know if i want it bad enough then life can and will be great for me and the people i have around me....nothing good can happen with out getting rid of the bad... and to get rid of the bad... i have to go threw it...deal with it and put it in the past.... i am also aware that in life..everyone has and goes threw bad times... i have to prepare myself to also handle them times as well.... so i can get threw them instead of running and hiding from them... cause all that ever did was make things soooo much harder and so much more for me to deal with..... but hey the good thing is i no this now..... and can stop my promblems from just piling up in a stack.... the will get to someday stack....lol now its time i work on that stack and learn to deal and live lifes everyday sitiuations... thanks to all again.. (i could never say thanks enough)
Jen
really these post help more then you think (for me) and i am so ready to get started on this fight of mine... scred as hell also...but i know that if i dont go threw the hard times i will never get to the good times.... i know if i want it bad enough then life can and will be great for me and the people i have around me....nothing good can happen with out getting rid of the bad... and to get rid of the bad... i have to go threw it...deal with it and put it in the past.... i am also aware that in life..everyone has and goes threw bad times... i have to prepare myself to also handle them times as well.... so i can get threw them instead of running and hiding from them... cause all that ever did was make things soooo much harder and so much more for me to deal with..... but hey the good thing is i no this now..... and can stop my promblems from just piling up in a stack.... the will get to someday stack....lol now its time i work on that stack and learn to deal and live lifes everyday sitiuations... thanks to all again.. (i could never say thanks enough)
Jen
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