kittyDr

Today I walked into the clinic at 7:30am. I work in a very busy clinic. We see patients by appointment, but we also see emergencies and walk-ins. To keep on schedule, I should be "turning an exam room" every 15 minutes.

By 9:30 I had already seen one very complicated emergency and had two very sick patients admitted for work up. By noon I had one more. I skipped lunch to start my work up for my patients and finished getting orders in just in time to start seeing office calls again at one. Around 2:30, while putting in drug and admitting orders for my 4th in-patient, my mom called me to let me know she was getting out of drug rehab on Wednesday.

I was still juggling my many sick in-patients (2 will go to surgery when they are stable) at around 5:30 when I remembered that my father, who had had surgery that morning, was probably back in his room. I quickly called the hospital and used my authoritative "Dr. Voice" to find out. (It was totally unnecessary it turns out - the reception staff were very helpful.) I'm scheduled for a dinner hour at 5, but it never actually happened.

I realized I was going to have to eat at some point and attempted to run to the little convenience store across the street for something in the five minutes between office calls. Unfortunately I ran into two clients who wanted to tell me about how great their cats were doing and how I was their favorite veterinarian. Very sweet of them, but I was shopping with my white coat and stethoscope on - clearly something I don't do unless I'm in a hurry and starving. I was very nice, thanked them, and ran back to the clinic with a meal replacer drink. When I got back, the test results on a stray cat brought in by a good samaritan were back positive for FeLV and since the cat was already sick, the good samaritan asked me to euthanize it.

Then I saw appointments for the next three hours and I checked on my in-patients. With the clinic closed I collected all my phone messages to make my call backs in peace and everybody just wanted to talk. I still hadn't written a word in a single chart so I put some Beatles and spent the next hour writing in long-hand about every single patient I had seen that day from memory. (That is how I do it, I give myself a memory trigger for each patient and then I replay the exam, the findings, and the treatments, even remembering things like heart rates and temperatures. Even I'm not sure how it works.)

I left the clinic at 11pm. 3 hours after the official end of my shift.

Driving home I realized that all and all, I'd had a pretty good day. When I got overwhelmed, I asked for help. I didn't let the small setbacks get me down and I celebrated the tiny victories. My father is going to be fine and my mother's after-care plans sound shabby to me. I briefly worked in addiction neuroscience and I am very much a disease concept girl. Therefore I am a strong believer in intensive aftercare since there are a lot of neural pathways to re-wire and that takes time. (But, whatever. Six-times the charm right? Or not, it's all up to her, not me or anyone else.)

You'd think I'd be tired except one of my cats decided to sleep on my face and I woke up all philosophical. Because I realized that this is what recovery looks like. Life didn't become easier or better it became manageable. I could complain about any number of things today because a lot of things were piling up, but each one by itself wasn't a big deal. I changed what I could and what I couldn't, I put in God's hands.

There's no big secret to it either, just time, practice, and patience.

Ann

That's one long day and yes, your recovery is shining.

Now if you could just find some "me" time in there to eat and sleep, you'll be healthy as a horse (a little vet humour there )

Thank you for sharing that, you inspired me to keep my day in perspective.

Hugs

sojourner

Wow. "Life didn't became easier or better it became manageable."

YES! That's the ticket! That's a big ticket (although not THE big ticket)!

I could never have a manageable day were it not for the gift of recovery.

And I also am a big believer in the neuroscience of addiction. We think we are in such control of our thoughts and our actions, and really we are just one chemical upset away from being an absolute sociopath. When I look back on my father's constant relapses, I realize he needed more than a 28-day treatment program - he needed to be in an aftercare program and probably not back with his family but in some kind of sober living arrangement. Not that our family drank, but just the responsibilities of being the sole provider, husband, father were just too much for his very wounded yet healing brain. Plus none of us were in a recovery program ourselves, so he had all that anger and bitterness on our part that he had to live with every day.

Well, not every day is like your one day - but i'm sure the next day was still stressful because of all the emergencies. Funny - I never told the pediatrician how much I appreciated how he made my kids feel better. Wonder why that is.

sofacat

Life didn't become easier or better it became manageable.

Thank you for this.

I have a library of stickies on my computer's desktop. Phrases and reminders that come from all of you.

This one was added this morning.

wicked

alright kittyDR,
now that you have a minute, i have a miniature dachshund with bad teeth, and an infection from said teeth.......
sorry just kidding. hehehehehe

anyway, i loved to read about your day.
what a great job you have, and yes, your recovery is shining through.
thank you for posting this.

beth

ThatLittleGirl

I changed what I could and what I couldn't, I put in God's hands.

There's no big secret to it either, just time, practice, and patience. - Very well put...there's no magic potion, no instant gratification...time, practice and patience...that's the true formula! And one day...it just fits...:-)

Chino

Count me in too. The more I learned about addiction, the more I learned about my own brain waves, chemical makeup, the endocrine system, and holy cow it's amazing how it all can rock my world in a matter of minutes. I was born with this brain and thankfully have learned how to manage it to the best of my ability.

KittyDr, you rock!