Trying 2 Figure this Out
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Austin
Posts: 4
Trying 2 Figure this Out
Okay...So am new to this site...but not totally new to the subject of recovery. I grew up with a mom that had 13 years sobriety before her passing 10 years ago.
I have never looked at myself as a person that had a problem with alcohol. And I'm still not sure were I fit in with the whole idea of the word "alcoholic." I ask myself repeatedly...Is that me? Am I that person? Am I an alcoholic?
I know I can't remember the last time I've gone longer than 4 days without at least 2..3 drinks in the past 10 years. I have always looked at it with the mind set...I don't have a problem because I still take care of the things I need to. I'm still a good mom, so I've convinced myself.
At times I feel so lost. In the last 3 years so much has happened in my life. I had an affair with a man that I thought loved me. He left his wife for me and I broke up my stable home with my husband and 3 kids for someone who was manipulative and very abusive. The relationship last 1 year.
Today, my husband, my kids and I are all under one roof trying to make things work. We have relocated and my husband has chosen to forgive me. Though out the last 3 years he always treated me with respect, even in times that I didn't deserve it. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt about the whole situation.
I feel anger inside because of my relationship with my step-son, which I raised. I am angry with me. I crated that relationship ...all by myself. But it's easier to blame others sometimes.
I think....
I don't drink to not feel what I'm feeling. I do enjoy my life, most of the time; even when I'm "sober."
At what point does a person cross over from drinking because they want to ...to becoming an alcoholic? Can anyone answer that question?
I have never looked at myself as a person that had a problem with alcohol. And I'm still not sure were I fit in with the whole idea of the word "alcoholic." I ask myself repeatedly...Is that me? Am I that person? Am I an alcoholic?
I know I can't remember the last time I've gone longer than 4 days without at least 2..3 drinks in the past 10 years. I have always looked at it with the mind set...I don't have a problem because I still take care of the things I need to. I'm still a good mom, so I've convinced myself.
At times I feel so lost. In the last 3 years so much has happened in my life. I had an affair with a man that I thought loved me. He left his wife for me and I broke up my stable home with my husband and 3 kids for someone who was manipulative and very abusive. The relationship last 1 year.
Today, my husband, my kids and I are all under one roof trying to make things work. We have relocated and my husband has chosen to forgive me. Though out the last 3 years he always treated me with respect, even in times that I didn't deserve it. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt about the whole situation.
I feel anger inside because of my relationship with my step-son, which I raised. I am angry with me. I crated that relationship ...all by myself. But it's easier to blame others sometimes.
I think....
I don't drink to not feel what I'm feeling. I do enjoy my life, most of the time; even when I'm "sober."
At what point does a person cross over from drinking because they want to ...to becoming an alcoholic? Can anyone answer that question?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
To me, it's very simple.
Stop drinking for a set period, say 3 months, and see what happens.
I think you will find the answers you are looking for.
And, the line is invisible. We don't see it until we have crossed it. And, then it's too late, because you can never go back.
Stop drinking for a set period, say 3 months, and see what happens.
I think you will find the answers you are looking for.
And, the line is invisible. We don't see it until we have crossed it. And, then it's too late, because you can never go back.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: las vegas nv
Posts: 180
If you are questioning yourself, it seems to me you may know the answer in your heart. You have come to the right place, this is a great suport system. I hear going clean and sober is a miraculous thing, I hope to make it there with you. WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Here There & Everywhere
Posts: 153
Welcome Discoverinme
Good to have you here on SR. It is the best place you could be now. Your question... do you really need an answer? Does it matter whether you have the label (alcoholic) or not?
Take the step, as Anna said, give it a try. Just wait and see how much better you feel. How much easier your problems (big and small) are easier to face and find solutions to.
You made it this far, just take another step and then another.
Life is real good when alcohol doesn't have its power over you and you can tend to the important things in life. Sobriety is only the beginning!
Be strong, stay with it.
Take the step, as Anna said, give it a try. Just wait and see how much better you feel. How much easier your problems (big and small) are easier to face and find solutions to.
You made it this far, just take another step and then another.
Life is real good when alcohol doesn't have its power over you and you can tend to the important things in life. Sobriety is only the beginning!
Be strong, stay with it.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi DiscoverinMe! Welcome to SR. This is a great place to get support and information - lots a great people here, too!
You're asking some of the same questions I (and all of us here) asked myself. The term "alcoholic" brings to mind images of being in the street, incoherent, etc... What's closer to the truth is that there are stages of alcoholism and that our problems do progress if we don't do anything about it. Only you can know whether you're an alcoholic or not, but there are lots of lists online that sum up the main symptoms. Thought I'd post one here:
You're asking some of the same questions I (and all of us here) asked myself. The term "alcoholic" brings to mind images of being in the street, incoherent, etc... What's closer to the truth is that there are stages of alcoholism and that our problems do progress if we don't do anything about it. Only you can know whether you're an alcoholic or not, but there are lots of lists online that sum up the main symptoms. Thought I'd post one here:
Addiction to Alcohol
In order to determine whether someone is dependent or addicted to alcohol, this person must fulfill certain conditions that have been determined by the World Health Organization (WHO), amongst others.
Listed below are conditions for alcohol addiction (you don't have to fulfill all of these conditions):
Continue to use alcohol even if you know it is damaging for you.
Damaging effects due to the use on the person itself and its surroundings (problems at work or school, arguments with the people around the addict, dedicate less time to hobbies, illnesses).
Failed attempts to control the alcohol use.
Psychological dependence (have a desire for alcohol, varying from very little to very much).
Spend a great deal of time on the use of alcohol or on the recovery of its use.
Tolerance (need more alcohol to still feel the effect).
Use alcohol more frequently and in higher doses than planned.
Use alcohol to reduce the withdrawal symptoms.
Withdrawal symptoms (get all kinds of physical reactions after you stop).
In order to determine whether someone is dependent or addicted to alcohol, this person must fulfill certain conditions that have been determined by the World Health Organization (WHO), amongst others.
Listed below are conditions for alcohol addiction (you don't have to fulfill all of these conditions):
Continue to use alcohol even if you know it is damaging for you.
Damaging effects due to the use on the person itself and its surroundings (problems at work or school, arguments with the people around the addict, dedicate less time to hobbies, illnesses).
Failed attempts to control the alcohol use.
Psychological dependence (have a desire for alcohol, varying from very little to very much).
Spend a great deal of time on the use of alcohol or on the recovery of its use.
Tolerance (need more alcohol to still feel the effect).
Use alcohol more frequently and in higher doses than planned.
Use alcohol to reduce the withdrawal symptoms.
Withdrawal symptoms (get all kinds of physical reactions after you stop).
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Rural OK
Posts: 329
DiscoverinMe, I can't be too sympathetic about your affair. My wife of 14 years took my three sons and ran off with a guy she thought loved her- It lasted about 6 mos. Then she found someone she liked even better and married him. Concider yourself blessed that you have someone able to forgive you after all you did to break up the family.
As far as "the line" goes, do you think alchol could have had any influence on the decision to leave your family and persue another man?
As far as "the line" goes, do you think alchol could have had any influence on the decision to leave your family and persue another man?
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Hi DM.
The statistics are that anybody who questions/ponders/is concerned that they're maybe an alcoholic.........probably IS an alcoholic.
Whether you're still able to reign things in or not depends upon whether you've crossed that line Anna mentioned. Many of us, knowingly or not, crossed that line and found ourselves in a position where we wanted to quit but never got around to it, weren't able to get it together, couldn't quit for long, quit for periods then relapsed....cyclically, and so forth.
Three main aspects to alcoholism:
1. Mental obsession - ie do you commonly just feel like drinking?
2. Physical craving - ie. when you start, do you usually want more or do you always just have one or two (and, I assume, 1 or 2 isn't enough to get you drunk). Can you always control the amount you're going to drink?
3. Spiritual malady - do you do things when you're drinking that your wouldn't ordinarily do? And when you're not drinking, do you often find yourself irritated with life, unhappy, depressed, or full of shame? Do you lie a lot? Do you feel like you're living the life of an actor...always performing roles that the people in your life "require" you to play?
#1 can come and go -- #3 is tough to recognize sometimes -- #2 is the biggie. If you never drink more than you intend to and you can always control the amount you are going to drink.....you're probably not an alcoholic. You may, though, be studying hard to be one.
The statistics are that anybody who questions/ponders/is concerned that they're maybe an alcoholic.........probably IS an alcoholic.
Whether you're still able to reign things in or not depends upon whether you've crossed that line Anna mentioned. Many of us, knowingly or not, crossed that line and found ourselves in a position where we wanted to quit but never got around to it, weren't able to get it together, couldn't quit for long, quit for periods then relapsed....cyclically, and so forth.
Three main aspects to alcoholism:
1. Mental obsession - ie do you commonly just feel like drinking?
2. Physical craving - ie. when you start, do you usually want more or do you always just have one or two (and, I assume, 1 or 2 isn't enough to get you drunk). Can you always control the amount you're going to drink?
3. Spiritual malady - do you do things when you're drinking that your wouldn't ordinarily do? And when you're not drinking, do you often find yourself irritated with life, unhappy, depressed, or full of shame? Do you lie a lot? Do you feel like you're living the life of an actor...always performing roles that the people in your life "require" you to play?
#1 can come and go -- #3 is tough to recognize sometimes -- #2 is the biggie. If you never drink more than you intend to and you can always control the amount you are going to drink.....you're probably not an alcoholic. You may, though, be studying hard to be one.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: maitland Florida
Posts: 26
There are tests that you can take online but someone once said to me if you have to take a test your probably have a problem. More seriously though for me it was the fact that i could not go a set amount of time without a drink and every time that i drank I could not stop at 1,2,3,4,etc drinks.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi DiscoverinMe
I think its not as important to think of labels and definitions as it is to simply accept the facts. You have a problem - you need to do something about it.
Coming here is a great start - as you've already seen, you'll find a lot of help and support here
Welcome!
D
I think its not as important to think of labels and definitions as it is to simply accept the facts. You have a problem - you need to do something about it.
Coming here is a great start - as you've already seen, you'll find a lot of help and support here
Welcome!
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Austin
Posts: 4
Thanks for the replies.
The truth is...I don't have most of the problems that are mentioned above but I know I'm more productive when I'm not drinking and I just feel better physically.
I guess "the line" is different for everyone. One of my biggest problems that I struggle with is the thought that my kids will remember me as...mom always had a drink in her hand. Instead of.... mom was always there for us and did everything for us, which I am and do but I feel like the thought of me drinking will make the memory of me not one I wish them to have. Then on the other hand I think....this is just me.
Selfish..... I'm not sure.
The truth is...I don't have most of the problems that are mentioned above but I know I'm more productive when I'm not drinking and I just feel better physically.
I guess "the line" is different for everyone. One of my biggest problems that I struggle with is the thought that my kids will remember me as...mom always had a drink in her hand. Instead of.... mom was always there for us and did everything for us, which I am and do but I feel like the thought of me drinking will make the memory of me not one I wish them to have. Then on the other hand I think....this is just me.
Selfish..... I'm not sure.
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