tam

today is a bad day for me, emotionally. I miss my exah think about him constantly and just dont know what to do. I go to the meetings, I am taking better care of myself and keeping busy, but these days keep popping up. its been 7 months since we seperated and it hasnt been pleasant living with him but sometimes I question where Im going, sometimes even question why I did this and I know I shouldnt do this. I try to stay strong and fighting hard, but Im hurting. I see people doing things and they seem happy (maybe on bad days its more intense to me?) Im all alone in the house and that is affecting me as well. I tried my hardest to help him, we were married 26 years (no kids) and I feel I lost the battle. the drugs won and the drugs continue to destroy me because Im thinking about it all the time. and I know I shouldnt! when does this stop? when will I feel peace? or closure? I just want to feel better. my mind keeps going back and I feel the anger, shame,insanity,guilt and failure all over and over again yet he isnt here

Freedom1990

What does your sponsor suggest? I know when I started working those 12 steps, with the help of a sponsor, the obsession lifted. I know what it's like to be where you are.

tam

thats what I dont know to do yet, I have lists, but not familiar with who to call. how do you get a sponsor?

suki44883

How long have you been going to meetings? If it's been very long at all, I'm surprised someone hasn't already asked if you had a sponsor. In any case, you can make it know at your meetings that you would like a sponsor to guide you through the steps. Or, if there is someone you admire at the meetings you attend, you could always just ask her if she would be willing to sponsor you.

tam

only about 6 weeks, 3 times a week. I just looked over the list and see sponsors listed, some I know. Im just not familiar with this yet I guess. but will ask, Im pushing myself to go tonight

Ann

Good idea Tam. Just find one that you can relate to and ask.

Bad days don't last forever, and the more we live our recovery, the more good days we find.

Hugs

wow1323

Tam, I don't know what to say.
Virtual hug

tam

I went tonight and mentioned sponsor,but being only 5 of us were there I didnt get a response. I wont quit, will keep going to the meetings I believe I will find someone to reach out to. thank you everyone

ZombieWife

Hang in there. We all have days where it feels so daunting to keep on the same road. I imagine it's what a recovering addict feels when they are "jonesing" to get a fix. But, we have to fight it.

And we're here with you.

Angelic17

tam Grief and loss are so difficult. After 26 years with your husband, it's a very big adjustment and frightening to say the least. All those years with the same man, and now your alone. That's a tremendous loss. I can tell you this though. You will feel peace again, and I don't think anyone can tell you when. But it will happen, and when it does you will know it. It will lift off of you like a ton of bricks that have been removed. Be patient, keep busy, keep going to your meetings for support. Be very kind and good to yourself at this time. Pamper yourself, and keep in mind that better things are ahead for you. This is not the end of the world, but a new beginning for you. I wish you peace and comfort ASAP. Sending up some prayers for you to find your peace really soon.

Freedom1990

Atta girl! Just keep moving forward, and I'm glad you're not quitting. I have no doubt God will put the right person in your life to guide you through the process.

Kindeyes

Tam
You are never alone, it just feels that way sometimes. I agree with ZW, I imagine it must be very similar to the addict jonesing for their drug. In some ways, the addict is the "drug" of the codependent. You are reaching out for help and that's wonderful. Hopefully, the "bad days" will occur further and further apart until they just don't happen anymore.....or they are so rare that they are simply gentle reminders of why we made the choice we made.

Gentle hugs to you on a tough day......and everyday.