nacona

I went to the doctor today, because my foot has been hurting, and he said that I sprained it. He knows I'm an addict, so he prescribed me Ultram.

Well, Ultram is a narcotic and got me high just like opiates do. I started off saying....okay, I will take as directed, so I won't have to count my time over. (I actually asked for the Ultram; I said that an opiate addict at work takes them and doesn't abuse them. I know what I was doing - I almost believed my own lie.)

I started thinking, well I only have 17 days, so I will abuse these and start over when they are gone. He also gave me Ativan and I am abusing that as well.

It's just amazing to me that I will do this again and again. It's almost like something else takes over in my brain.

I also started smoking again. Being loaded without cigarettes was not fun enough, so I bought a pack.

I am so disappointed with myself.

Thanks for listening,
Teri

Dee74

Hi Teri

I don't believe anyone loses sober time...unless we refuse to learn from our mistakes.

D

Jesse17

Nobody has more than one day, some just have several in a row.

Hang in there, and keep trying.

nacona

I love how you guys don't judge. Thank you so much. I feel better being honest with you and getting such nice replies.

Impurrfect

((Teri)) - I think a lot of us had several starts at being clean and sober. I know I did. I could go months without using, actually had over 5 months clean (and had used just a few times the 7-ish months before that) when I relapsed. I WAS just going to buy $100 of crack, and be done....had done it in the past year. That turned into over a week of my using, almost going to prison, almost getting killed, etc.

Our addict mind just doesn't "get" controlling something. At least not for very long, IMO.

I, too, don't think you "lost" your 17 days. You did great for those days, and now it's time to start over. I don't know about you, but the last several times I used, I was so filled with regret, shame and absolutely hated myself. I had to remember that any time I thought I could use.

I think you did great to come here and be honest. Maybe next time, come here BEFORE you take a pill? I've been talked back into sanity, a few times, by coming here.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

nacona

Thank you Amy - you have a special place in my heart. Like I PM'd you - I have read all of your posts in the Hen thread, and I am so inspired by your work ethic.

I look for you whenever I come on here. For some reason you make me feel safe. Strange since I don't know you.

Thank you again.

Teri

Impurrfect

(((Teri))) - stick around here, sweetie I've "met" some friends here that have helped me through so many things, I feel closer to them than some of the people I know f2f.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

alexvt

I also do not believe in losing 'sober time.' I had 23 days then drank. But i still felt proud for the 23 days i had compared to the 1 measly day i drank. After that I stopped counting the days. For me that is recovery.. Counting days for me is just a game of getting by..And it works for most people.. Just not me, too much pressure! Do NOT beat yourself up over a small relapse. Don't ever do that to yourself! Be proud of what you have accomplished!
YOU HAVE LOST NOTHING! You are still trying!


XO-Beth

Balou

Thanks for your honesty, that takes courage. And because you are strong, you know that this can be a minor setback or a downward spiral, your choice.

"It's not the beginning of the end, it's the return to yourself" Enigma

LaFemme

I agree with Beths perspective:-) stay stron and don't beat yoursel up...and oh, am I the only one who thinks your doctor was wrong to prescribe those drugs knowing your background? I mean when I had bruised ribs and thought I was dying they told me to take tylenol!

If you have anymore of those pills can you flush them?

Kmber2010

Learn from it and pick back up. Nacona you can do this and no need to stress or dwell on time lost. Any day we are clean is a positive. That is the whole point of not worrying so much what people thing. You know what you accomplished and you will get it and it will stick when you stay strong and refuse to give in.

We are here for you and am looking forward to this continued journey with you.

least

Welcome back!