Loosing a loved one...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 456
Loosing a loved one...
Its hard right now as it has only been two weeks. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel. I have my burst of tears... But it's not as if I never played this in my head... What if relapsed and dies? It was a fear of mine that was on the back of my mind that moved further and further back when his recovery became longer and longer... I'm not angry though. Just terribly sad. I think of all the pain he must have been in.. I think of all the pain I feel now, and how he must have battled this depression day and night and the struggles to stay clean... I feel so sorry, for if there is an afterlife, I can't imagine him being happy right now... All the hopes and dreams he left. I can't imagine him being at peace right now... I think in time he will find peace... I know before he left he found his peace with his higher power, and for that I am so happy... I'm happy that he had a taste of sobriety and love for a short time... I'm happy I was the one to give him that love... I would do it again. I think from what I know now, I would have had my boundaries drawn up earlier. But I did not know then what I know now, so to say that is only bringing myself down... I miss him dearly... He was trying so hard and wanted to do good so badly. Two weeks before he died he was crying that he never wanted to disappoint me again, that he wanted to make me happy... I feel so bad for the darkness he must have felt when addiction came knocking at his soul... I forgive him for everything and I love him so much... I am really numb now.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Hang on littlebird. Grief is a very painful thing to deal with. Losing someone you love is one of the worst things in life. You were powerless over his addiction, and behavior. You loved him unconditionally and that's the best gift you can give someone. He tried so hard to get clean, and GOD knows that.
Believe me he is Happy right now. In heaven there is no pain or suffering. It's peace and love, and being with GOD. I have read things that say, the dead don't miss us, the way we miss them. They feel no pain, so rest your heart knowing that he is at Peace.
It's going to take some time for you to heal, and learn how to deal with this better. This is a brand new open wound, and your heart is bleeding. Find comfort knowing that you were good to him, and you were there for him. And like Oprah always says, When you know better, you do better. Well, you know better now. I wish you a speedy healing, and comfort from the faith of knowing he is in a better place, and he is at Peace.
:ghug3
Believe me he is Happy right now. In heaven there is no pain or suffering. It's peace and love, and being with GOD. I have read things that say, the dead don't miss us, the way we miss them. They feel no pain, so rest your heart knowing that he is at Peace.
It's going to take some time for you to heal, and learn how to deal with this better. This is a brand new open wound, and your heart is bleeding. Find comfort knowing that you were good to him, and you were there for him. And like Oprah always says, When you know better, you do better. Well, you know better now. I wish you a speedy healing, and comfort from the faith of knowing he is in a better place, and he is at Peace.
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Littlebird
I'm so sorry you are hurting so badly right now. Grief is such an individual process and each of us deal with it in our own way. When I lost my Dad a year and a half ago in a small aircraft accident (he was piloting) it felt like the world should just stop spinning for a while....just a while......just so that I could get my bearings but it doesn't stop spinning. We put one foot in front of the other day after day. It amazes me sometimes how many people in this world are dealing with the pain of the loss of a loved one. Take care of yourself and accept love and support where you can.
gentle hugs
I'm so sorry you are hurting so badly right now. Grief is such an individual process and each of us deal with it in our own way. When I lost my Dad a year and a half ago in a small aircraft accident (he was piloting) it felt like the world should just stop spinning for a while....just a while......just so that I could get my bearings but it doesn't stop spinning. We put one foot in front of the other day after day. It amazes me sometimes how many people in this world are dealing with the pain of the loss of a loved one. Take care of yourself and accept love and support where you can.
gentle hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 49
Sending you great big hugs and our prayers. We lost our beloved 21 year old daughter Cassandra five weeks ago today. One of the poems we had read at her memorial service has a line that says "If love alone could have saved you, then you would have never died." Keep that love in your heart and try to remember the good times. That smile, that laugh, or that moment when it all was good. Keeping you in our prayers and sending you all our love!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
I am so sorry for your lose and grieving is the natural process you must go through to feel happiness again. It takes time but know you gave love and understanding along the way. Big hugs being sent to you sweety.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
LB -
what a lovely tribute and it is a beginning place to discover peace and solace. It just takes time - and likely a whole lot of time. I, too, understand the "if I had known then what I know now" but agree that dwelling on it would bring you down. We don't know what we know until we know it.
I am so sorry for this loss....your loss. Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you.
what a lovely tribute and it is a beginning place to discover peace and solace. It just takes time - and likely a whole lot of time. I, too, understand the "if I had known then what I know now" but agree that dwelling on it would bring you down. We don't know what we know until we know it.
I am so sorry for this loss....your loss. Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 94
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother to her addiction about 9 months ago. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
"Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy" ~Author Unknown
"Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy" ~Author Unknown
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 456
It was Thursday and he was going to the doctor for a check up. He said he wanted to get me anti-anxiety medication because I had a really bad panic attack a week prior. I was so mad at him for even thinking it. I yelled at him to not get the medicine... The next day he sounded off. I was so mad, I yelled... I said, you got the medication didn't you. He said he only took five... he took the whole bottle... He was crying thinking I was breaking up with him. I was so mad. I told him I would talk to him later... The next day he sounded off again... His mother was screaming to me that he could drop dead... The cops went to her house after a neighbor saw him and she told them he was fine...and then on Sunday I just had a talk and said we will get through this and we will go to a meeting. I was still angry, but I wanted to calm down, because there was nothing I could do to change it.... He died that night... I knew he was not well and did not call 911... I did not want to get involved. I thought he was just high... I'm angry that his mom did not call 911...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 456
Thank you everyone... I am trying so hard not to loose it. This is really doing a turn on me. I did not clean my home this weekend. There are a few dishes in the sink... and I don't care. I will clean them later... I have not ironed my clothes for the week... I don't care... I cry and cry and I'm trying so hard to eat... is there any steps you guys did that you found was helpful? My work has a program that gives six free therapy sessions so I'm taking advantage of this... thank you for your support.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Fredonia N.Y
Posts: 44
so sorry to here of your loss lilltbird... nothing anyone can say now will make you feel better...but in time the pain does get better....i lost my son 14 years ago... and i found that alot of talking helped me... at 1st i would not talk to anyone...nothing...but when i did...cause someone suggested it to me....it was what helped me alot... of course i had to see a doctor also...but i found friends to be the most comforting threw it all... so my advice to you would be.. to do as you are doing and keep talking with us... friends and family.... and let god and time heal your heart...
Good luck you are in my prayers
Jen
Good luck you are in my prayers
Jen
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Littlebird))) - I would highly recommend you take advantage of the therapy sessions.
When my mom died, I had already been signed up for a course in nursing school called "death and dying". At first, I thought it was a very cruel joke that I started this class within a week of her death.
My professor had us write "musings" after every class....basically just our thoughts on what we had discussed that day, our thoughts on death, etc. She knew that I and another classmate had just lost a parent. She was awesome...always commented on my thoughts, would tell me "this is normal" or "no, you can NOT get under the bed with a blanket and hide away from the world" and it helped a lot. I shared some of what she taught me with my dad, and he remembers things to this day (almost 20 years later), as do I.
I'm sorry you're struggling, and am sending you many, many hugs and prayers!
Amy
When my mom died, I had already been signed up for a course in nursing school called "death and dying". At first, I thought it was a very cruel joke that I started this class within a week of her death.
My professor had us write "musings" after every class....basically just our thoughts on what we had discussed that day, our thoughts on death, etc. She knew that I and another classmate had just lost a parent. She was awesome...always commented on my thoughts, would tell me "this is normal" or "no, you can NOT get under the bed with a blanket and hide away from the world" and it helped a lot. I shared some of what she taught me with my dad, and he remembers things to this day (almost 20 years later), as do I.
I'm sorry you're struggling, and am sending you many, many hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Littlebird))) my mom actually had a "near death experience" when I was born and she almost died. She said she was in a meadow that was "greener than any green on earth" and there were lots of kids playing (she LOVED kids, but couldn't have any more after me, so I'm an only child). She said she felt this amazing peaceful feeling and then was "pulled back" to life.
My grandfather had a similar experience, though there were no kids in "his meadow". Mom told him that it was probably because he had raised so many kids, God thought he needed a break but if he got lonely, he could come and visit "her meadow". He died 2 years before she did.
I believe in Heaven. I think that my loved ones, including my XABF who died from his addiction, are up there and they are at peace. I think that they are watching over me, and I talk to them a lot. I think they have "jobs" in Heaven, doing what were good at. Even with my XABF, there were many good parts that I saw the few times I saw him clean. He was a great cook...wonder if they eat up there?
I don't know if this helps you, or not, but it gives me comfort. I believe they hear me, and when I pay attention, I get "signs" that they're responding.
Big hugs and prayers!
Amy
My grandfather had a similar experience, though there were no kids in "his meadow". Mom told him that it was probably because he had raised so many kids, God thought he needed a break but if he got lonely, he could come and visit "her meadow". He died 2 years before she did.
I believe in Heaven. I think that my loved ones, including my XABF who died from his addiction, are up there and they are at peace. I think that they are watching over me, and I talk to them a lot. I think they have "jobs" in Heaven, doing what were good at. Even with my XABF, there were many good parts that I saw the few times I saw him clean. He was a great cook...wonder if they eat up there?
I don't know if this helps you, or not, but it gives me comfort. I believe they hear me, and when I pay attention, I get "signs" that they're responding.
Big hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Littlebird, My brother was a heroin addict. He had a near death experience the week before he died. He called me on the phone, and he said, I saw GOD. And he kept saying. I LOVE THAT GUY, I LOVE THAT GUY. He said he felt a peace and calm that he never felt before, and that he didn't want to leave him. A week later he died of an overdose.
I always wondered if it was intentional, because of the peace he felt at his near death experience. I might never know, and maybe when I die, I might know. I like to believe that we don't just go in a box into the ground. But that our spirit leaves our bodies and that we go to a much better place. You should read the book. EMBRACED BY THE LIGHT, written by Betty J. Eadie. She died on the table, and came back, and was able to right about her experience. It might be helpful to you. I loved that book.
:ghug3 I'm sorry for your grief and suffering. Don't waste your time being angry at yourself for being mad about the drugs, and don't be mad at his mom for not calling 911. If anyone in this world loved him, I'm sure his mother did. You see, when GOD wants you, it's time. I always wonder if I could have saved my brother, and the answer is NO. GOD is in control. Not me. Not You. We couldn't control their deaths. So guilt and anger are negative emotions. Find Peace when the time is right. For now you must grieve your loss.
It's never really easy, and we all grieve differently. I hope you find peace and comfort soon. It's still a fresh wound. And I'm sure a bit of a shock.
I always wondered if it was intentional, because of the peace he felt at his near death experience. I might never know, and maybe when I die, I might know. I like to believe that we don't just go in a box into the ground. But that our spirit leaves our bodies and that we go to a much better place. You should read the book. EMBRACED BY THE LIGHT, written by Betty J. Eadie. She died on the table, and came back, and was able to right about her experience. It might be helpful to you. I loved that book.
:ghug3 I'm sorry for your grief and suffering. Don't waste your time being angry at yourself for being mad about the drugs, and don't be mad at his mom for not calling 911. If anyone in this world loved him, I'm sure his mother did. You see, when GOD wants you, it's time. I always wonder if I could have saved my brother, and the answer is NO. GOD is in control. Not me. Not You. We couldn't control their deaths. So guilt and anger are negative emotions. Find Peace when the time is right. For now you must grieve your loss.
It's never really easy, and we all grieve differently. I hope you find peace and comfort soon. It's still a fresh wound. And I'm sure a bit of a shock.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Chaos, USA
Posts: 52
LB - I am sorry for your loss and the pain you're going thru now. I lost my AH 3 months ago. Your appetite will eventually return but I still have days where I don't eat that much. But I am getting better. I was concerned with not being able to sleep but now I can sleep well.
A few weeks after he died, I went to a psychic for the first time. It was amazing, my dog came thru first, then my mom and then my AH. He seemed fine, didn't say as much as my dog but what I got out of it was that he was with his family, my mom and his pets. It seemed like a peaceful happy place to be.
A few weeks after he died, I went to a psychic for the first time. It was amazing, my dog came thru first, then my mom and then my AH. He seemed fine, didn't say as much as my dog but what I got out of it was that he was with his family, my mom and his pets. It seemed like a peaceful happy place to be.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
