Recovery contract
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2
Recovery contract
Hello, this is my first post. I am a recovering alcoholic/addict with almost 7 years sober. Married my wife 3 1/2 years ago and thought she was a "normie" drinker. Turns out she is an alcoholic. Long story short, she is coming home after her third rehab in one year. She admitted herself voluntarily for the second time, first inpatient. We have been separated since January after I filed for divorce to protect our two toddlers and escape the insanity. Her counselors at the recovery center have told us that we must put together a recovery contract which details boundaries within our home. Does anyone have some type of example or sample they can share with me. As far as my recovery, I have continued my AA meetings and have also added Al-Anon to my toolkit. It has done wonders. Thanks in advance for your help.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Hi Tru and welcome to SR. I don't have an example of a "recovery contract" but I am sure others will be along soon who might know more about this.
In the meantime, you might find some good reading material on boundaries etc by cruising thru the stickies at the top of our forum as well as over on the AA forum. As a double winner, you have tons of support on both sides here!
Again, welcome
Cats
Forum Mod
In the meantime, you might find some good reading material on boundaries etc by cruising thru the stickies at the top of our forum as well as over on the AA forum. As a double winner, you have tons of support on both sides here!
Again, welcome
Cats
Forum Mod
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
From my understanding, as it was explained to me:
A recovery contract is what SHE is going to do to make sure she stays in recovery every day. It's not your responsibility to enforce it but if you notice that she isn't sticking to it, it may give you an idea that there is trouble on the wind.
Some examples of the items on my best friends recovery contract were/are:
1. I will set an alarm for x oclock and get out of bed every day.
2. I will make my bed every day as soon as I get up.
3. I will attend x number of meetings per week.
4. I will find a sponsor by x date.
5. I will walk the dog daily.
Her rehab should really be the group helping her with this. Her recovery is hers to own.
Have you written out your personal boundaries and the consequences for violating them yet? That's YOUR responsibility.
A recovery contract is what SHE is going to do to make sure she stays in recovery every day. It's not your responsibility to enforce it but if you notice that she isn't sticking to it, it may give you an idea that there is trouble on the wind.
Some examples of the items on my best friends recovery contract were/are:
1. I will set an alarm for x oclock and get out of bed every day.
2. I will make my bed every day as soon as I get up.
3. I will attend x number of meetings per week.
4. I will find a sponsor by x date.
5. I will walk the dog daily.
Her rehab should really be the group helping her with this. Her recovery is hers to own.
Have you written out your personal boundaries and the consequences for violating them yet? That's YOUR responsibility.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 35
Protect your children first
I am sorry that you are going through this with your wife. My AW went to rehab three times. After her car accident (.332) with all four of our girls in the car, I also filed for divorce and was granted temporary custody of our children. After a year of sobriety, I invited my wife home, and things were great for six months until she started drinking again and driving with the children. After she refused to stop doing it, and would not go back for treatment, I proceeded with the divorce. We are in the worst custody battle you could imagine. She believes that she should have custody of the children. I want to retain custody and provide ample visitation, but I do not trust her new found (again) sobriety since she denies that she has had anything to drink since the car accident except for a "...two or three day lapse".
I implore you to speak with your attorney before you allow your wife to come home. You need to protect your children first, then decide what's best for you and your wife. Depending on the circumstances, it might be better for your wife to live in a sober living environment before she comes home. It's like a halfway house.
I have attached a relapse prevention plan that was specific to my situatiuon. My wife signed it and relasped two days later.
Good luck and feel free to reach out if you want to discuss further.
Relapse Prevention Plan – January 20, 2008
1. Dave will provide daily medication to Karen. Karen will take medication in Dave’s presence.
2. Karen will not skip any meals during the day, and ensure that she is eating properly.
3. When Karen is feeling tired, she will make the time to get a nap, utilizing the babysitters to provide the opportunity.
4. When Dave determines that Karen should not drive, Karen will not drive her vehicle. Alternate arrangements will be made to pick up the children.
5. If Karen has an urge to drink, she will utilize her network – family, friends, sponsor, etc. to help her through this challenge.
6. In the event of a lapse, Karen will not drive a vehicle.
7. In the event of a lapse, Karen will tell Dave about the lapse.
8. In the event of a lapse, Karen will limit contact with the children until she is no longer under the influence of alcohol.
9. Karen will be mindful of her health, and mental well being and pay particular attention to avoiding H-A-L-T. Hungry – Angry – Lonely – Tired.
10. Karen will rededicate herself to AA. She will work towards a goal of 90 in 90. A lapse restarts the count.
I implore you to speak with your attorney before you allow your wife to come home. You need to protect your children first, then decide what's best for you and your wife. Depending on the circumstances, it might be better for your wife to live in a sober living environment before she comes home. It's like a halfway house.
I have attached a relapse prevention plan that was specific to my situatiuon. My wife signed it and relasped two days later.
Good luck and feel free to reach out if you want to discuss further.
Relapse Prevention Plan – January 20, 2008
1. Dave will provide daily medication to Karen. Karen will take medication in Dave’s presence.
2. Karen will not skip any meals during the day, and ensure that she is eating properly.
3. When Karen is feeling tired, she will make the time to get a nap, utilizing the babysitters to provide the opportunity.
4. When Dave determines that Karen should not drive, Karen will not drive her vehicle. Alternate arrangements will be made to pick up the children.
5. If Karen has an urge to drink, she will utilize her network – family, friends, sponsor, etc. to help her through this challenge.
6. In the event of a lapse, Karen will not drive a vehicle.
7. In the event of a lapse, Karen will tell Dave about the lapse.
8. In the event of a lapse, Karen will limit contact with the children until she is no longer under the influence of alcohol.
9. Karen will be mindful of her health, and mental well being and pay particular attention to avoiding H-A-L-T. Hungry – Angry – Lonely – Tired.
10. Karen will rededicate herself to AA. She will work towards a goal of 90 in 90. A lapse restarts the count.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2
Thank you all for your help. But the reality is she moved back home and is once again drinking. I asked her to move out, which she finally did. She responded by taking a dozen or so painkillers at a friends house and ending up in the emergency room. She got out the next day and started the insanity again. She has checked herself back into rehab. Needless to say she won't be moving back in. Hopefully she will follow suggestions this time and move to an SLE after rehab. It's up to her. I know what I can and can't control. I can only take care of myself and my girls. Thanks again
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