Understanding detachment with love

Old 07-23-2010, 09:22 AM
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Understanding detachment with love

This morning I could finally simply tell my son calmly that the time for him to go has come and that it's not because of my choice that this is happening. We had an agreement that he would go to rehab after detox, because that is what he said he wanted.....he initiated and I didn't force it on him. He has chosen not to follow through with the plan/deal,, not me. I have done all I can do. The rest is up to him. I told him he doesn't have to live in the streets. He can use my phone today to call rehabs, shelters, friends or whatever to make plans. He can still call the rehab we went to and go there. If he's been using he can still kick it and go there or somewhere else after a few days. He knows how it works and he knows how to work it.
I told him time was up and that he knew it was coming. He can stay here if he goes to rehab and gets the help he needs. Thus far he has chose not to. He was on his way to recovery and chose not to follow through. He can still turn that around if he want's to. I truly get it now that I don't have to feel like the bad guy here. I didn't yell or berate him. Yesterday's thread about not enabling really helped as have so many others.
I cannot make my son choose anything. I get to choose not to be caught up in this chaos any longer. He is an adult. He has choices. I can only try to put those choices before him but he is the one who decides what he wants to do. He's going to his girlfriend's house this weekend. He's going to see about staying there.
What's hard about this is I can see his bottom coming but he can't. I know I can't be a buffer anymore or keep him from going down. I can only pray he comes to realize how futile his life is this way and will get the help he needs.
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Old 07-23-2010, 09:37 AM
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Originally Posted by vaya View Post
I cannot make my son choose anything. I get to choose not to be caught up in this chaos any longer. He is an adult. He has choices.

Isn't that a beautiful choice that we have, Vaya?!

My 22 year old's life has a lot of drama in it, due to the choices she makes, and the company she keeps.

In spite of that, we do have a good relationship. I don't get caught up in the chaos.

She's been struggling with her job lately, and she does have valid complaints, that I will give her.

However, in this current economy, it behooves a person to have another job lined up before quitting the prior one. It took her several months to find this one.

She walked out of the job this morning.

She had dropped her two dogs off before work this morning as usual.

She came back by to let me know she had quit, and was going to leave the girls here a few more hours.

She commented on an ad in the local newspaper for part-time office help in a city 35 miles from here, and said she didn't even have her GED yet, and sighed.

I said nothing. This is the consequence of her past choices.

She had 1 1/2 credits left to complete for her high school degree after the rest of her class graduated, and she has chosen to stick her head in the sand for 3 years on that. She didn't graduate because she was just flat out lazy on her school work, end of story.

She told me more than once after she turned out that education just isn't her thing.

She's finding out how far a limited education will get you.

Experience is the best teacher.
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