12stepnchick

I'd first like to thank all of you here for the support I've received, I honestly don't know where I'd be without you and AlAnon.

EXABF called today, I didn't answer so he left a message. Said he just wanted to say Hi and that my son had texted him about meeting online last night to play video games and he wanted him to know he was not mad but was at work still (he must be working OT again, no doubt to see her). Said he would try to give me a call sometime soon, and that he hoped everything was ok, and that I had a good day.

I texted him back (wrong I know) told him I didn't hear the phone and that if he and my son were texting that was fine as long as they kept it to video games and age appropriate stuff.

This hurts........WHY I just don't know. I told him to pack his stuff and go Monday. I told him that I needed a fresh start that I couldn't go back. But then my head and my heart battle.......

My head says.....all the obvious things.......He is still married, he is or was fooling around with another married woman at work, he has no home, cant pay his bills and his driving record is as poor as his credit history. That it's my fault for asking him to go even though I wasnt happy, but then I realize he was thinking of going before hand anyway he said, or he left to keep from paying some bills, either way.....he was headed out. My head says, I deserve better, I am enough and if he would jump back to the MGF then that shows what kind of person he truly is, my head says give him time, sit back and see who/what he really is. My head says he will never get it together and get a divorce or move on in his life....my head says HIS OWN SISTER says it's all about ACTION not words....My head says if he left the VERY FIRST TIME in 4 mths that you asked him for help with ANYTHING-he would have bailed at the first sign of trouble. My head says he needs time and is confused and the best thing I can do is stay away. It says I'd never be able to trust him again, not after all of this, not after he ran at the first sign of me asking him for support, or the first time I apparently said the wrong thing.

My heart says........I wonder if he's with her today. I wonder if he's missing me? I wonder why he called? Does he really care or is that my pride? My heart says if it's what we thought it is then it will be and work out. My heart says trust your HP to lead you and trust in His will even if it hurts and there is emptiness right now. My heart says maybe we can find a way to start all over from the beginning if he would get it together.

I have work issues going on, huge problems with the new wanna be boss-who is not yet, but there are major problems there plus and overload of work. Quitting is not an option as there is no work in this area and my insurance is needed very much. My mom is a disabled widow and I try to take care of her as she is housebound, so I am pretty much running two households alone. I've been a single mom for 13 plus years with a father who is an absent parent with sporadic support coming in. And all of the stress at home, with the break up is causing my fibro to flair uncontrollably, which was brought on by my last surgery and I am scheduled for surgery again next Friday and fear the fibro may worsen and I could loose everything I have fougt so hard to gain. The last surgery was a complete nightmare-I came to on the table and suffered for many months from PTSD which they feel brought on the fibro. Knowing all of this is going on in my life-EXABF walks away and doesn't seem to look back........It really hurts.

I feel lost, hurt and sooooo run and beat down, physically and emotionally and now the one thing I took pride in, being a good mom, I never even dated til my son was 7, I feel I failed at. I let him get involved and he got hurt, but this guy spent time with him, played games with him and jumped right into being a father type figure.........I was in need of help-feeling like I could not deal with all the hormonal changes with my 13 yr old son and I let this man into our lives. I left my son get hurt, all because I was lonely and thought I had found the one. From the day I met this man, our first date, it was like we had known one another for years, it was just so easy to be together, and now here I sit alone again, wondering if I'll ever find the one person that we all seek.

I'm sorry to ramble, just lost, and hurting......feeling like a fool for missing a man that soooo obviously had nothing to offer me but future heartache and wishing I could get the hamsters off the wheel....

Thank you all for your honesty and support.....I read so many posts here and gain so much insight. I wish I was where so many of you are and believed my own words-that I am good enough, that I have enough to offer, but if he'd want to be with a married woman over me.......maybe I really don't. Maybe I got what I asked for for believing in the fairy tale......or living in a fantasy world.....

suki44883

I'm so sorry everything seems to be dumping on you all at once. I know that can be very overwhelming. Maybe look at it like...you are so busy with work and your own issues that you don't have time to dedicate to him and his quacking. A lot of times when affairs of the heart go wrong, it's almost a godsend to have a busy job to immerse yourself in to keep your mind occupied.

ChrrisT

It sounds like alcoholism is the least of this guys problems. But who cares.

You KNOW who and what he is.

This is his life. All the things you described the cheating the bad debt everything - that is who he is.

If you want someone who has integrity, morals or just some decent standard of living. Forget him.

You can be - but first you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Everyone has their "poor me" moments.

But over a guy like this, what a waste of good self pity. Save it for when something really (bad) happens. Don't be the boy who cried "I can't get over the loser"

You trusted a jerk that is not a major character flaw.

It's what you do now that will define who you are.

Tough love we all need it sometimes. :ghug3