lulu1974

My lawyer called and told me he was served and he managed to hire an attorney too. And they have responded to my divorce complaint.

I want to be happy. I know its the right thing. I feel numb and maybe a bit sad about it. But I guess this is normal. Within 60 days I should be divorced.

I can do this.

naive

yes, you can do this.

congrats. that's a big step forward. i think your feelings are quite understandable. i think it's healthy that you are verbalizing them.

rdy4change

Lulu - you DESERVE to be happy. Congrats on the first step and remember that you're not alone...we're here for you!

lulu1974

I am getting better as the day goes by. I had no choice. I chose me. It urks me that he is still using my medical plan to pay for prescriptions he needs to have fun with his girlfriend. Nice. What a gentleman. He has his own plan but since mine is cheaper evey month I see the refill of his pills to use for "performance". What a scumbag. He knows I see this by the way. Rotten to the core

Freedom1990

I didn't get divorced from my EXAH for two years after I got out of rehab, and we had already been separated off and on for 6 months before I went to rehab.

It was still hard emotionally, even though the marriage was dead long prior to the divorce.

It was the closing of a chapter.

What you're feeling is normal.

theuncertainty

Big old hug, Lulu.

I'm still waiting to see what (legal) response my STBXAH does (he already scared me to death by text message). Bleahhhh. I was getting stressed and freaked out (mainly about the ex parte DVPO that I was denied and the long-term DVPO court date coming up) so I went and found a lawyer. I feel marginally better.

OK that probably didn't help you... Sorry. As I am reminded - often - just take it one day at a time. You can do this.

Kassie2

Awe Lulu, I think it would strange if you were happy about it. But they are just feelings and they will pass. I have heard of some people having a divorce ceremony/celebration to acknowledge the ending with supportive family and or friends. Most of my friends even bought themselves something special to remember - like rings are often exchanged at a wedding - maybe a nice piece of jewelry to represent the occassion. I bought myself a ring after the first one. One co worker got a second ear piercing on one side to remember. Another one bought a small medallion to where on a chain under her shirts so that no one knows but her. My mother got a dog and my neighbor got a dog and cat. So anything works.

fourmaggie

i believe you can call the "drugist/insurance plan" about how your EX not being with you anymore...call and get him OFF your plan....

Learn2Live

I promise you LuLu that soon you will not care what he is doing with anyone else. It just won't hurt or even bother you any more. Just keep doing what you are doing, keep turning the focus back onto you and your own Recovery. If you must think about it, think about it this way: It's pretty sad that he has WRECKED himself to the point where he needs those pills in the first place.

Hammerhead

SHE has nothing to do with YOU... SHE is not a reflection of YOU in ANY way!

SHE is misguided to be involved with a "married" man... SHE is his next victim...
YOU know better now... so YOU'LL do better now.... YOU are better now.

:ghug3

lulu1974

I LOVE YOU GUYS..
I came in here upset and I feel uplifted and clear minded thanks to all of you.
Hugs Hugs and more Hugs

HealingWillCome

Saying goodbye to the dream is hard. Saying goodbye to the reality is why you're doing this.

You've come a long way! And Hammerhead is right on..."she" is only the next victim. You are lucky that you are free from the madness. She can't/won't be that happy...especially when she figures out the reality for herself, if she hasn't already.

ItsmeAlice

I agree with Anvil it does seem a bit off balance the way a marriage begins and ends.

I began my relationship with my EX with excitement, nervous energy, and unsuppressable passion and it ended with fear, nauseau, and controlled bursts of rage. It's like a teeter-totter with a buffalo on one end. Outta Wack!

I think that as why I have been reading a lot lately about "new-life celebrations" or "divorce parties" or the "marriage reversal ceremonies." They've been called so many things. It's basically a one-woman or man ceremony before family and friends affirming their vow to themselves and their reborn single spirit. Some "brides" even reconfigure their wedding dresses, others wear something new and fresh showing their more dangerous side etc. A reception is held afterwards to celebrate and mingle. I've even seen invitations where the guests are asked to bring, rather than gifts, any single friends they may think are worth mingilng with. LOL!

I prefer when the whole thing is about new beginnings rather than bitterness. If I had known more folks when I separated from my XABF I would seriously have done something to celebrate it.

You are feeling all the emotions that he cannot cope with feeling. You can do this. You can get through this.

We are with you!!

Alice

RollTide

"I had no choice. I chose me."

That's exactly the way I felt, lulu. I filed for divorce last November when I simply could take no more living with an alcoholic. Our divorce was final in Jan. In hindsight I should have done it years ago and saved myself a lot of misery. It feels great to be several months past it and finally getting back to feeling like my old self (which I really liked!). It will be the same with you. Hugs to you.

ChrrisT

What a great thread to read!

About the plan and the "drugs"...

The punk needs what? to get it up? (I'm sorry am I allowed to say that)

And he parades it! Just too stupid to know he should be embarrassed. (No offense to our men.)

You don't have to be happy about divorce but be happy for your freedom and the new possibilities.

Definitely a party is in order!!! :day6

keep us posted

lulu1974

He has no shame. He has no soul. In his head since I was such a horrible wife he doesnt give a crap about my feelings. I guess I shouldnt be surprised. I think as the years have gone by..his disease progressed to the point that his thinking isnt right. Its all about his ego and himself. No one else really matters. He has to have someone in his life because he wants to appear to everyone as he is all together. But in the first few years he cared about others. In the last few years he doesnt care. Its sad to see this disease progress. But HE made his choices. He sought help and then decided to walk away from recovery. Twice.
He lost his wife, my home, our financial stability. Nothing matters. He just replaces everything. He just disconnects. I never felt loved by him anymore in the last few years. I felt so alone even though I was with him. It was no way to live. I am VERY scared to see what life has in store for me. But it cant be worse than being with him

Hugs
Lulu

ChrrisT

Oh Lulu

I hear the anger in your...typing?

Thank goodness you are on the other side. However history has shown that this divorce stuff can be tricky (in other words it could be hell). Be prepared for anything.

Yes maybe the worst is behind you now. Your home is quiet, no egg shells to walk on, no waiting for shoes to drop. All that other crap you don't have to deal with. Peaceful

Thank you for your post

nodaybut2day

First off...*HUGS* to you Lulu. I was where you are a few months ago. I recall the rollercoaster of emotions.

Re the drug plan. XAH and DSS were on my drug plan which I got through my company. As soon as I left him (like a week later), I called HR and told them I was no longer with XAH and wished him and DSS removed from the plan. They didn't blink and changed my policy straight away. Is there anything holding you back from doing the same?

lulu1974

Yes. Its illegal to do so unless its a life event or time of enrollment. Both My company and lawyer verified this. I can do it once the divorce is final. Ugh

nodaybut2day

Ugh what a drag. How long until the divorce is final again? (says the girl who's still waiting for her divorce certificate...). I wonder if you can't tally the amount of money he's saving on his viagra prescription and have it added to the final divorce settlement...

Ok maybe not. Or perhaps send off copies of the prescription to his new girlfriend. Ok ok, I'm feeling vengeful on your behalf. I'll stop now.

*BIG HUGS*