NeedHappiness

Well, here I am again! Honestly thought I would never post any negative happenings again, but funny how things never seem to change.
My ABF has proved, once again, that he is sinking in the middle of his addictions. Just turned 50 in June and you woulnd't believe the quacking I heard about how "things are going to change"..... "you are going to see a new man"...... "I'm going to quit smoking, drinking and everything, you'll see....." HA! Well, so far all I have "seen" is a crushed foot from a drunk in an ATV accident.....him lying in bed with his foot in the air in a compression bandage for the pat 3 weeks! He's lucky he didn't lose his foot or been killed from his drunken stupidity. I just don't get it I guess! I really don't think he realizes the seriousness of this injury. Now he is laid up for the rest of the summer, can't work if he wanted to, can't help around the house much, can't mow the grass, can'thelp with bills..........can't can't CAN'T!!! I have had it!!!
Someti8mes I think I am the one who needs my head examined for putting up with this crap one more time!! For believing his promises ONE MORE TIME! What is wrong with me? Why can't I get past the feeling of "needing to help him"? why can't I KNOW that I deserve better than this? I feel like a weakling who cannot stand by my decisions for what is best for ME!

I am having surgery on Monday and now I am worrying about him stealing my pain pills while I am down. I don't like pain pills but I know I will need them. He has a problem with them......along with his drinking! I took a mini-trip to Florida to see my sisters last weekend and he admitted to selling some of his pills so he could buy a 12 pack! I'm sure this was all pre-planned because he knew he could get by with drinking while I was gone. The thing that kills me is I truly thought he would give up the booze after injuring himself so badly! How stupid could I have been?

I guess I am down in the dumps right now because I KNOW what I need to do! I know how my friends and family feel about this guy but I can't seem to bring myself to do what needs to be done. Sometimes I wonder if co-dependancy is worse than the drinking. I have supported this man for nearly a year (THIS time) and it's no ones fault but my own. the thought of being off work for 8 weeks scares me. What scares me more is knowing something is going to "break" in this relationship during this 8 weeks! UGH!

URMYEVERYTHING

I heard the same thing and believed it for 2 years but then I woke up and realized that in order for him to become this great man he has to work at recovery for years...not weeks...not days. Years and years and years (at least 5-8 in my head). LOL. So, with that being said, it wasn't happening NOW thus I couldn't be with him right NOW. I had to let him go.

nodaybut2day

It is already broken. He broke it. What may happen is that you'll just say "enough of this $hit" and start to figure out ways to get out of the relationship. There's nothing wrong with leaving. There's nothing wrong with wanting MORE and BETTER for yourself.

Anvil is bang on: he is broken inside and you simply can NEVER fix him. You can however fix yourself. If you know that your weakness is him, his false promises, etc etc, then take concrete steps to strengthen your resolve against him. Perhaps have someone come over to help during your convalescence. Perhaps stay someplace else during your convalescence. Perhaps start making plans to move someplce else permanently as soon as you're physically able.

In the meantime, take concrete action to stop enabling him. Pelican had a post somewhere about the things you can do while you're still living with an active A who has become a parasite.

In my books, Action is Power. It is liberating. I try to do a little everyday

oh and...you're not stupid. You've just acquired some bad habits. New habits can be formed.

fourmaggie

yep...how about AL ANON...for YOU? ....you have choices..DO YOU FEEL YOUR WORTH ALL THIS CRAP?....and recovery is a long hual....for you and HIM....remember that...please once everything is thought through on what you NEED TO DO...go to AL ANON....

Freedom1990

Happiness is an inside job (I thought about that when I saw your user name).

Are you attending Alanon? Ever read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie?

You can take charge of your life.

You don't have to wait for something to 'break.'

When I stepped out of victim mode, my life improved tremendously.

Jadmack25

Let me guess, he is laid up and YOU get to run around after him...am I right?

I did this over and over and OVER again, til at loooong last I was over it all.
When ABF was injured due to being drunk, and asked me to come and look after him, I said, "SORRY, am past being your nurse and purse, ask the pub owners or your pub pals to do it". Got called a few names, but just stayed away and left him to hobble and whine.

He got to the pub, painfully, each day and of course the injury took ages to heal due to him walking on it, falling over, hitting it, and others banging it. A month later he went thru withdrawal alone, and has been sober since then.

Even being diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis didn't send him into a tailspin and on to the drink, for which I am thankful.

First priority for you IS YOU. If he hurt himself because he was drunk, and is back drinking and worrying you re your operation and painkillers, then you need to see how YOU can prevent this.

Can you stay with family or friends while you recover and leave him to muck along for himself? This would prevent you still caring for him, and allow you time for rest etc. It would also stop him getting his greedy paws on your tablets.

Take care of you, and don't be hoodwinked into doing too much for him, after all it can't be that bad or he is able to cope for himself.

God bless

ChrrisT

Those are your words, right? with all those exclamation points.

So much anger and conviction.

Until that last sentence, then your true fear and feelings show through. OOPS

Be strong keep posting