HoopNinja

I really did not think today would matter. It would be a day just like any other day.

Since I am still married to stbxah, today is our 13th Anniversary. Seems appropriate, huh? On the way into work today I cried most of the way. Tears of anger, tears of what never was and what never will be. Tears that my 5 year old son's heart breaks every time he comes home because he missed me so much while he was with his Dad and is saying good-bye to his Dad and misses him so much because he is not living with us when his Dad drops him off.

This weekend, while finally trying to put what will soon be my office, hoop room, reading room, space to veg room I was unpacking things and found the card stbxah gave me on our first anniversary. I sat on the floor and sobbed because I remember him giving me that card. Funny the things we thought we forgot but really did not.

All that pain that I stuffed is coming out my pores today and I am not sure I will even be able to stay at work because tears just start seeping out as hard as I try to keep them in. I am afraid to even talk to anyone. My heart hurts.

suki44883

((((hugs))))

Hammerhead

((BIG HUG))

Don't be too hard on yourself... today is a new opportunity for you to review what you really want out of life.

Tears won't bring to life what you once had or still want... do something special just for you.

Ice cream and a hot bath....
Dozen roses in your favorite color...
Massage....
Pedicure...
New cd.... preferably loud

Thumper

I'm sorry for your pain. A hard day for sure.

Learn2Live

Detach honey. Get thee to a meeting.

Shellcrusher

Kind of like tearing off a band-aid.

You have to take off the band-aid because the wound needs fresh air but you still have to look at the wound. The air probably hurts it a bit too.

Even though it hurts, it's healing.

I hope your day gets better.

ChrrisT

One thing that I have read about pain and dealing with it, and it has worked for me.

Is to face it, experience it, just let it come. Cry! Cry your heart out. A river of tears (and boogers but maybe the office not such a good place.

It's OK feel sad for things that are gone. To cry for the happy times we miss.

But then just let it go...

HoopNinja

Thanks everyone. Found a meeting-with childcare. CD--good idea! As I may have mentioned-stbxah did not like my choice of music and now I can listen to whatever I want. CD--excellent idea!

I need to make some hoops for a class I am going to teach AND since I needed to buy stuff to make those I splurged and bought myself some photoluminescent tape so maybe I will make that one first and hoop in the dark in the backyard after the kids go to bed (but avoid the areas of dog poopage!)

dollydo

Tomorrow is a new day! Embrace it!

Hugs,
Dolly

megan09

I can sooooo identify with you. I put all photos, cards etc. away in some boxes so I don't have to see them; I too, get upset when I read them. Have a good cry, then put it away - in the future you will be able to look at it with fond memories. I also want my 5 year old son to know that his father and I loved each other once; these cards etc. will be there for him to look at when he is older. The rawness of your feelings will lessen in time, trust me; the hurt will be a memory as the reality of the whole situation becomes your new truth in place of the fantasy and 'what might have beens'. I am thinking of you at this very moment; I understand your pain. Have courage. Hugs and prayers for you.

lulu1974

Hugs Wife..Sometimes we need to feel the pain before we move to the next level. I have experienced what you posted. It stinks and it hurts and all the what ifs that come along with it. I had to reel myself in and see what reality is now. Because the past is past... What is reality now is what I need to remind myself of. I am thinking of you in this tough time. I am sending you hugs and strength and hope. You are doing the right thing for you. This too shall pass
Big Hugs
Lulu

Freedom1990

Tears are for the soul what soap is for the body.

PS. It's all your fault now that I'm watching hooping videos and thinking that is the next new venture for me.

HoopNinja

That is so true--it is amazing how your body feels cleansed after a good cry. Someone told me once that they analyzed tears and they often contain the chemicals found in a stressed brain.

Hard to resist when you start watching it isn't it. Not exactly a hooper--but the same moves-sort of

Well if anyone benefits from hooping--that is a good thing! As I was telling someone else earlier today--based on how I got to hooping I am pretty convinced HP put me on that path.

HoopNinja

OK, did something for me. Made my glow in the dark hoop and just got in from hooping. I was out there laughing like a hyena (softly because it's bedtime!) Sort of that same laugh and feeling you had when you snuck downstairs to see if Santa came. So I got to have my little piece of good magic that I could make happen today--and that I wanted to happen today. No more looking back--only forward.

Freedom1990

I smiled when I read this!

I was out in the back yard with the dogs the other night after it had gotten dark, and the fireflies were out!

Wow, did that bring back fond childhood memories. I used to get a jar with a lid that had holes poked in it, and catch as many as I could. Then I'd let them all go again before I went in for bedtime.

I'm not as fast as I used to be, so I didn't catch any, but I had fun running around the backyard trying!