hotamale

Hi,

I didn't think I would ever make it back to this site, but....the inevitable? has occurred.

Awhile back, I started a relationship w a man that I did not know was an alcoholic. I found out, we broke up. We got back together. He relapsed, we broke up. How is the record? So, this last stint has been almost a year that we have co-habitated, formed this great little home and life with one another. He still went to meetings, but stopped in May due to our finals pressure. Anyway, all this to say.....he relapsed in June. We sorta pulled through, just talking a lot and him asking me for help or how to get better...which I have no idea other than counseling and AA and maybe medication if that is what they think? So, "relapse" number 2 occurred over the 4th of July. I came back from Chicago and put him in a cab to his counselor and he chose a hotel instead. Haven't talked since. His alcoholism is the depressing type. Bottle of vodka a day, no food, isolation, crying, etc.

Of course, every day is a new deal with him. First he was detoxed by some guy from Ojai, sober 5 days, then drinking again. So, it has been 2 weeks that he has been in hotels, hostels, and now detox #2 at a medical center.

I do not regret he and I finally parting ways. But, how do you deal with the surreal nature of being with a man I was proud to share a life with to this?

Thoughts? And, thanks.

Learn2Live

It is sad. I am sorry you are going through this. You may want to focus on determining if there is a reason you involved yourself with an addicted person and, if so, what that reason might be. Make sure you take good care of yourself.

chicory

Hotamale,
It sounds to me like you are doing the hard stuff, and taking care of yourself. You know what you have to do, and what he has to do.

You will get the answers to your question- about how to deal with the surreality of it- and that will come as you get healthier each day, out of that situation. It seems like with time away, we see more clearly, if we are thinking healthy. I wonder how sometimes I do a 180 in my thinking, after getting out of a toxic situation.

hotamale

Thanks for your responses. I am also considering counseling, but am not so sure how to go about it. Just go through insurance, like usual doctors? I have looked at the codependent stuff, and that is really not the situation, from what i have read, but you never know....maybe it is lurking in there somewhere.

The sad part is, here i sit knowing we are not going to be together, but i somehow am hoping for some attention from him, which is ridiculous i know, considering he is without a phone, computer, etc. and detoxing. His sober living companion (i guess this is what he is called) is coming back tomorrow to put N in a low income/funded treatment center, which i am thankful for.

And, his belongings will be gone soon, which will be a relief as they are all reminders of "what wasnt." He and I go to grad school with one another, so that will be another issue altogether come fall or even next saturday if he pulls through enough to take a final. We haven't even spoken other than when he was drunk and crying from some hotel room and an "explanatory" email that gave me solace. Bleh.

Thanks for listening, or reading...I appreciate it.