Taking Personal Responsibility
To thine own self be true.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Taking Personal Responsibility
I copied this from a website I found. The authors describe what they call "radical" personal responsibility. To me, they are describing just plain old responsibility. What they describe is the OPPOSITE of blaming and shaming, which many of us are used to participating in. Taking personal responsibility means I accept the part I play in my dealings with others, and I establish healthy boundaries to maintain my peace and serenity. Thought I would share with you. (I don't know anything about the "CURE exercise" the authors refer to. I didn't use it myself, I learned how to get past the blaming and victim mentality they describe by using the 12-Steps, going to therapy, doing the work on myself, etc.)
Radical Personal Responsibility
- by Paul and Layne Cutright
When you assume radical personal responsibility, you live in a truth that proclaims:
I am responsible for how I allow others to affect me.
In a world of forces beyond my control, I can learn to be the keeper of my own heart and mind.
Even when things appear not to be going my way, and I am upon an emotional sea of crossing and diverging currents, I can still navigate my way to my ultimate good fortune.
I proclaim that I am not a victim of the world I see. I am a co-creator of it. Let love and wisdom be my moral compass, and let clarity be the wind in my sails.
New peace, harmony, and power fill your relationships when you practice radical personal responsibility. Through it, you enter a more refined sphere of relating that enhances your life and accelerates the realization of your ultimate spiritual self. Practicing radical personal responsibility forever changes the way you approach and resolve conflict.
Jealousy and other emotions like it can appear to be happening to us or to be inflicted on us by others. But to address the root cause of any upset, you must learn to observe the internal factors that shape your own perceptions and reactions. We call this ability to observe yourself and realize your power to alter these perceptions and reactions Radical Personal Responsibility.
We call it radical because it is such a departure from what is commonly thought of as responsibility, which can mean laying blame. Instead, it is insight into the deeper workings of your mind that illuminates how you have contributed to any challenging situation before you.
...you are unaware of all the moments of choosing that go into your beliefs and your interpretations. When you take personal responsibility, what are you taking responsibility for? You are taking responsibility for your own consciousness and the effects that it creates. The thoughts, beliefs, feelings, attitudes, impressions, perceptions, and interpretations--all of which you hold in your consciousness--can be a matter of choice.
If you are like most people, you are unaware of all the moments of choosing that go into your beliefs and your interpretations. You probably haven't noticed you are making choices all the time, choices that determine the possibilities that will be open or closed to you in your future.
If it feels as if your beliefs just show up fully developed and you have nothing to do with how they came to be a part of you, it is because you have not developed the ability to observe your own mind. The CURE (Conscious Upset Resolution Exercise) will help you.
Most of your beliefs were probably "absorbed" from your family when you were younger. The rest of them were absorbed from the community you grew up in and from the culture at large. The process of absorbing them was invisible to you, so you didn't notice you were doing it. It happened silently, in the background of your life. The process of absorbing your beliefs was invisible to you.
Regaining that awareness and accepting personal responsibility is an acquired skill. If it wasn't demonstrated for you when you were growing up, or you haven't intentionally studied it, chances are you haven't a clue about how to do it.
A start is to recognize what personal responsibility is not. In the absence of personal responsibility, all you can do is blame others for your difficulties because it looks to you as if they are to blame. This forever dooms you to a "victim" mentality that separates you from your personal power and spiritual and relational maturity. The CURE will teach you, step by step, to approach life's hurdles in a different way that both enlightens and empowers you.
Once you learn to practice radical personal responsibility, you will find a source of inner strength and power that no one can ever take away from you. Because of your ability to take authentic, empowered responsibility, you will find that, in time, upsets become less frequent, of shorter duration, and less intense. This means you have more time and energy to focus on living the kind of life and sharing the kind of relationships you truly want and deserve.
Radical Personal Responsibility
- by Paul and Layne Cutright
When you assume radical personal responsibility, you live in a truth that proclaims:
I am responsible for how I allow others to affect me.
In a world of forces beyond my control, I can learn to be the keeper of my own heart and mind.
Even when things appear not to be going my way, and I am upon an emotional sea of crossing and diverging currents, I can still navigate my way to my ultimate good fortune.
I proclaim that I am not a victim of the world I see. I am a co-creator of it. Let love and wisdom be my moral compass, and let clarity be the wind in my sails.
New peace, harmony, and power fill your relationships when you practice radical personal responsibility. Through it, you enter a more refined sphere of relating that enhances your life and accelerates the realization of your ultimate spiritual self. Practicing radical personal responsibility forever changes the way you approach and resolve conflict.
Jealousy and other emotions like it can appear to be happening to us or to be inflicted on us by others. But to address the root cause of any upset, you must learn to observe the internal factors that shape your own perceptions and reactions. We call this ability to observe yourself and realize your power to alter these perceptions and reactions Radical Personal Responsibility.
We call it radical because it is such a departure from what is commonly thought of as responsibility, which can mean laying blame. Instead, it is insight into the deeper workings of your mind that illuminates how you have contributed to any challenging situation before you.
...you are unaware of all the moments of choosing that go into your beliefs and your interpretations. When you take personal responsibility, what are you taking responsibility for? You are taking responsibility for your own consciousness and the effects that it creates. The thoughts, beliefs, feelings, attitudes, impressions, perceptions, and interpretations--all of which you hold in your consciousness--can be a matter of choice.
If you are like most people, you are unaware of all the moments of choosing that go into your beliefs and your interpretations. You probably haven't noticed you are making choices all the time, choices that determine the possibilities that will be open or closed to you in your future.
If it feels as if your beliefs just show up fully developed and you have nothing to do with how they came to be a part of you, it is because you have not developed the ability to observe your own mind. The CURE (Conscious Upset Resolution Exercise) will help you.
Most of your beliefs were probably "absorbed" from your family when you were younger. The rest of them were absorbed from the community you grew up in and from the culture at large. The process of absorbing them was invisible to you, so you didn't notice you were doing it. It happened silently, in the background of your life. The process of absorbing your beliefs was invisible to you.
Regaining that awareness and accepting personal responsibility is an acquired skill. If it wasn't demonstrated for you when you were growing up, or you haven't intentionally studied it, chances are you haven't a clue about how to do it.
A start is to recognize what personal responsibility is not. In the absence of personal responsibility, all you can do is blame others for your difficulties because it looks to you as if they are to blame. This forever dooms you to a "victim" mentality that separates you from your personal power and spiritual and relational maturity. The CURE will teach you, step by step, to approach life's hurdles in a different way that both enlightens and empowers you.
Once you learn to practice radical personal responsibility, you will find a source of inner strength and power that no one can ever take away from you. Because of your ability to take authentic, empowered responsibility, you will find that, in time, upsets become less frequent, of shorter duration, and less intense. This means you have more time and energy to focus on living the kind of life and sharing the kind of relationships you truly want and deserve.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I don't miss the victim years or the mentality... I still flirt with it of course but now I realize when I do it and able to say "noo! that is not ME any longer "! and feels great.
Victimhood and martyrdom are embedded in my culture as being a "good woman" I am glad to be part of the ones who no longer believe that BS.
Mainly it is about women not tapping their personal power because that would be inconvenient for men in SO many ways. Just voicing my opinion, I am no gender equality expert.
Thanks for the article!!
Victimhood and martyrdom are embedded in my culture as being a "good woman" I am glad to be part of the ones who no longer believe that BS.
Mainly it is about women not tapping their personal power because that would be inconvenient for men in SO many ways. Just voicing my opinion, I am no gender equality expert.
Thanks for the article!!
To thine own self be true.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Thanks TC, I agree and totally see what you are saying. I do still blame others in certain circumstances (I am able to not do this in "romantic" relationships anymore) and have tried to work through that in order to "fix" a relationship, but have found that after I have tried, I often have to cut my losses and move on. Moving on usually means great inconvenience to me, but the question becomes, do I choose inconvenience in order to have more peace and serenity? My answer is usually YES! I am SO glad I have gotten to this point in my life and my Recovery! Now I have only to learn how to recognize what is happening and cut my losses early enough in a relationship that is not working, in order to reduce the angst this causes me. Because I think normally, instead of just taking responsibility for my part and moving on, I tend to BEAT MYSELF UP about what has gone wrong in the relationship. In other words, I take the blame for all the problems up front, only to find later on that it doesn't even MATTER whose "fault" the problems might be, it only matters that the relationship just doesn't work!
But when I hear myself making myself out to be a victim, that is when I KNOW I need to take a step back and look at myself, and my own ego, and see where I am BLAMING others, buck up, and take personal responsibility for whatever is going on, in whatever way I need to. It's a balance I have not yet found.
(Of course, I do not mean to apply this in ANY situation where ANYONE is being physically beaten or obviously abused).
Thanks for sharing :O)
But when I hear myself making myself out to be a victim, that is when I KNOW I need to take a step back and look at myself, and my own ego, and see where I am BLAMING others, buck up, and take personal responsibility for whatever is going on, in whatever way I need to. It's a balance I have not yet found.
(Of course, I do not mean to apply this in ANY situation where ANYONE is being physically beaten or obviously abused).
Thanks for sharing :O)
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