How do I deal with the space?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 42
How do I deal with the space?
Hi Everyone,
During the time when your loved one wants space to focus on their recovery, what are some of the things that you do stop yourself from thinking of them or contacting them?
My boyfriend has told me not to contact him for the first few weeks of his recovery so he can focus on himself and work out if he wants to continue our relationship.
I know that I also need the space and have been focusing on myself by working, going to the gym, playing with my dogs, reading books, talking to my mum and friends and watching my favourite shows.... and recently reading this forum ALOT!!!
These are the things that I did anyway whilst we were together and I am really struggling with the space. He is my best friend and we have been together for 4 years.
I have been sending him phone messages telling him that I love him and that I'm proud of him for what he is achieving in his recovery but he doesn't seem to want me to message him even for support.
Do you have any suggestions on other things I can do to get through this time?
During the time when your loved one wants space to focus on their recovery, what are some of the things that you do stop yourself from thinking of them or contacting them?
My boyfriend has told me not to contact him for the first few weeks of his recovery so he can focus on himself and work out if he wants to continue our relationship.
I know that I also need the space and have been focusing on myself by working, going to the gym, playing with my dogs, reading books, talking to my mum and friends and watching my favourite shows.... and recently reading this forum ALOT!!!
These are the things that I did anyway whilst we were together and I am really struggling with the space. He is my best friend and we have been together for 4 years.
I have been sending him phone messages telling him that I love him and that I'm proud of him for what he is achieving in his recovery but he doesn't seem to want me to message him even for support.
Do you have any suggestions on other things I can do to get through this time?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Katie, it's hard but maybe you could respect his wish for space and not try to contact him as requested.
Maybe add some meetings to take up your time and give yourself a wonderful gift of your own recovery. It will help you regain your balance and is a terrific way of taking care of yourself and addressing your own needs.
You have nothing to lose and everything to gain, why not give it a try.
Hugs
Maybe add some meetings to take up your time and give yourself a wonderful gift of your own recovery. It will help you regain your balance and is a terrific way of taking care of yourself and addressing your own needs.
You have nothing to lose and everything to gain, why not give it a try.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 456
Write letters but don't send them to him. I feel you may have a hard time from going to one extreme of always being there to the other... I think if you write letters to him in a book you will be able to take a step back and re-read them. You will see you may need to treat yourself with just as much attention... I think you maybe scared he will leave you and you are clinging on to him... Write the letters for now, but don't send them. he can read them when he gets out if you so choose.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
(((Katie)))
You said you are spending a lot of time talking to your friends... are you talking to them on the phone, or going out and spending time with them? Why not plan a girl's night- stay up and eat popcorn and watch funny movies. Or go get your nails done.
I agree with Ann about the meetings. Even if you only go to one a week, you'd be amazed how soothing it can be to be around others who know what you're going through. Littlebird's idea of writing him letters is a great one too. You never know what you might discover about your own thought process through writing everything out. That kind of information can be invaluable. I have also found blogging here to be a great way to get my feelings out.
You'll get through it. And we'll be right here to help.
You said you are spending a lot of time talking to your friends... are you talking to them on the phone, or going out and spending time with them? Why not plan a girl's night- stay up and eat popcorn and watch funny movies. Or go get your nails done.
I agree with Ann about the meetings. Even if you only go to one a week, you'd be amazed how soothing it can be to be around others who know what you're going through. Littlebird's idea of writing him letters is a great one too. You never know what you might discover about your own thought process through writing everything out. That kind of information can be invaluable. I have also found blogging here to be a great way to get my feelings out.
You'll get through it. And we'll be right here to help.
work in progress
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
One day at a time...sometimes one minute at a time.
Suggestion? make a summer list. A list of things you've been wanting to do for yourself, but haven't gotten around to it....for WHATEVER reason!
Spread them out over the summer ( like a schedule ) and plan them.
Then check them off one by one. Post them on Daily Detachers! Would LOVE to hear what you come up with for yourself!
Have fun with it!
Suggestion? make a summer list. A list of things you've been wanting to do for yourself, but haven't gotten around to it....for WHATEVER reason!
Spread them out over the summer ( like a schedule ) and plan them.
Then check them off one by one. Post them on Daily Detachers! Would LOVE to hear what you come up with for yourself!
Have fun with it!
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