ladyamalthea

Yep... I've been putting it off. But deep down I know I need to try it. I guess it's just so hard for me to admit to my husband that I need help, when he's so strong and level headed. I don't think he quite understands why I would need al-anon; after all, he has done a stellar job of supporting me as best he could in this ordeal. The thing is, with him being a probation officer, he sees addicts from the law enforcement side, so I doubt he can fully make the connection that I have seen both sides of that debacle.

In all fairness to him, he has not reacted in any kind of negative way to me wanting to go to meetings. This is probably purely psychological on my end. It's almost like, he's the only sane person left in my family, so I am relying a little too heavily on his approval, perhaps?

I have even invited him to go with me to meetings, and he says he will if I want him to. I ask him if he wants to go, or if it would just be for me, and he answers honestly and says he really has no interest in going at all beyond doing what I need him to do. And frankly, I think my anonymity might be in jeopardy if he went, because his office serves pretty much all of the courts around here, so I would have to go at least 30 miles away to not run the risk of being recognized if I was with him. So for now, it really might be best if I went alone.

So why am I feeling so antsy? Was anyone else nervous about their first meeting?

And I have a big book from when I tried a few OA meetings. Should I take it with me?

Ann

I was nervous my first meeting too, but that quickly faded when everyone was so nice to me and I realized that I was among friends who truly understood.

It was meetings that helped me most to regain my balance and my sanity.

Please do give them a try, it's is soooo worth the effort.

Hugs

Angelic17

Hello Lady, I too went through the same thing with my husband when my son became an addict. I wanted him to come to Naranon with me, and he didn't feel it was the place for him. He was also concerned with neighbors and people in the community seeing him there, and he has never done a drug in his life. He just doesn't like other people knowing any of his business. He is a pretty private guy, and I admire that about him. He feels our business, is just that. Our business. It wouldn't hurt for you to go alone, and then come home and share what you have learned with your husband. That's what I have done, and to be honest with you, I learned alot in Naranon. In the beginning when I was still enabling my son, I didn't like what they had to say. But, after a while, when my son got further into his addiction, I realized that they were right. As soon as I stopped enabling my boy, is when he decided to get cleaned up. Personally, I think it's not a big deal if your husband stays out of this. But, ofcourse it's up to you. I wish you the best possible outcome.

NightandDay

i am having a similar fear of starting, ladyalmathea! i tried to go to a few meetings last saturday, but both were CANCELLED! argh.

i know from reading the book "courage to change" that al-anon is right for me, and i need to do it. i asked my friend who is in AA to go with me tomorrow night, and he agreed, so we are going to give it another shot.

your husband sounds like he is supportive and not judging at all, so you should go! i know it is hard to get out and do things for the first time. . . i am always wanting to stay at home and not try something new or different. but EVERY time i do, i always learn so much and then wonder why i put it off?

i just wanted to say i understand where you are coming from. i'm going to try for my first meeting tomorrow and i will let you know how it goes! maybe you can do the same? we are here for each other!

ladyamalthea

Sounds great Keep me posted, and I'll do the same.

keepinon

Go! Never met a more loving suppotive group of people. Also everyone ther has a loved one who has a problem, so why should you worry if they see you? Everyone is there for the same reasons.. there is no shame in loving someone with a problem. My guess is you are gonna love it. Don't need OA book, will give you newcomers packet when you get there. Go!

Angelic17

Lady, when I went to Naranon there was so much love and understanding in that room. So many other mom's like me worried sick, and wondering what happened to their beautiful family members. I learned so much there, and even if I don't go back, I can always use what I have learned. It can't hurt, that's for sure.