TakingCharge999

I got my first Regression therapy on Thursday (yes the Brian Weiss type of thing) and I want to focus on my anger so I am really nervous about that session and about chickening out or starting to cry but I keep repeating myself I deserve to feel better at work and to get past all this. That I am not a victim of my feelings and I can do stuff to achieve indifference towards XABF regardless of triggers, memories, nightmares. Regardless of working with him often.

I LOVE my job and it pays high compared to many others. I am not giving that up so I'd better be a BIG GIRL and TAKE CHARGE and do EVERYTHING to move on from this self hell that is giving a bad person any relevance in how I live my day. Ok I'M TIRED AND FED UP.

Last week I felt terrible but yesterday I was finally able to go back to Pilates and kickboxing. I hurt in a good way, feel great and highly recommend it to anyone. My car's window is no longer around so it will take weeks to be able to drive it anywhere but after my paycheck I am willing to take a cab, I don't want to stay at home ruminating. At least a damn walk on the park nearby, but for that I also need good sportswear as it is raining a lot down here.

I am afraid of what we may find out in therapy but I am more afraid of posting other 3000 posts and still say the same phrases I have repeated over and over and over.

transformyself

ROCK AND ROLL SISTER!!!~ You are beautiful and amazing and can do anything!

LaTeeDa

I understand the fear, TC. I have been flirting with shadow work on and off for a few years, but only recently got the courage to really tackle it head on. It's fascinating and terrifying all at the same time. But, I know from experience there is no easy way to personal growth. It's difficult, and scary, and sometimes painful, but the rewards are beyond description.

Every step you take brings you closer to the TC you were truly meant to be. Thanks for sharing your journey.

L

Kassie2

Go in with confidence! Nothing is going to happen that you can't handle. The therapist will go over this with you and will bring you away from anything you can't handle or help you see it in a different way. It is actually a calming experience unlike a cathartic moment.

Been there, done that, it will be ok!

tjp613

I attended a weekend workshop with Brian Weiss a few years ago. His book Many Lives Many Masters was a life-changer for me, too. So you've got a High Five from me, too! Keep us posted!

TakingCharge999

Your ESH means a lot to me. Thank you for your kind words.

I got therapy in 3 hours and i already feel a knot in my stomach. Good. I always feel it when I am about to do something different or something FOR ME and ME only not for anyone else's benefit.

I already feel something shifting today. The daily scene repeats but I feel stronger. I pass by XABF and remember the advice of smiling like Mona Lisa. So I just imagine a beautiful beach and smile. The other day I was fed up so I just grabbed a book and studied in a conference room in another floor. It was SO peaceful.

If anything I just assume he is drunk and/or is the same jerk so who cares, I recall a couple of ugly moments and I move on. One day i hope I do not even spare a thought... when I really really honestly don't give a damn and the feeling stays.

When I am away I feel healed and excited about my life. I was thinking about "his view" and what I see about myself is telling.

I didn't leave my job showing that I take my career seriously and that he is not that important for me to lose something valuable.

I did leave him and after the final straw never ever talked to him or his friends. That looks like someone who is done.

When I left I never told him where I lived. That shows a door was closed as in "I don't want you to visit me ever, you are not welcome anymore".

I have managed to start creating my own life without anyone else's help and achieve some peace and even joy and tranquil times. I never give myself credit for that but I do now!! Good for me!!

I am excited about lousing a couple of pounds and looking my best and working internally to present My best self to Life. FOR ME I have never felt this way before.

I hope I can allow myself to lose the heavy weights that keep me chained.

Thanks it is nice to talk about this and I will let you know how it goes.


tjp really you met Brian Weiss? how wonderful! I have read his books as well and love them.

tjp613

YEP! Look at his website - he has workshops around the country.

TakingCharge999

Thanks but unfortunately I do not live in US ... !

Well when the therapist came out I found her very approachable and someone I clicked with..... she interviewed me and it was so freeing to talk about my side of things.

She has studies about alcoholism/codieness, has given Alanoners conferences treated addicts and it was great to talk about Melody Beatty and I really really saw a huge difference with my other therapist. I urge anyone who doesn't feel so well with their current therapist to seek others, I wish I had done that sooner!

She also said she stopped treating addicts because she was exhausted, and many relapsed.

She leaves a lot of homework and I am looking forward to that.

She mentioned the therapy is reconstructive and when mentioning my boyfriend she said that yes I was showing some "saving" tendencies and that this man is not my equal in many aspects. I agree. In fact when I mentioned he played online games a lot he did not even call him a man but a boy.

She mentioned over here it is VERY common that under the "equality" banner guys take advantage of women and leave them without car and home and that I was in time to be intelligent and not let anyone mess up with what is mine.


She mentioned someone good looking, with values, financially secure, who treats women right, has culture and has traveled and is sporty and enthusiastic about life, and supports my art and stuff and told me that is the kind of man that would be my equal because I am all that.

Duh.

I am already looking forward to group therapy the 30th and my first regression next Friday.

TakingCharge999

I already signed up. It is my first group therapy. My friend (PregnantW) won't be able to go. I am looking forward to the experience but a little afraid as I do not know what to expect. I will let you know what the topic was and how it went.

I love love this therapist. I feel she will really help me move on from everything. She makes me feel so comfortable.

Jadmack25

Wishing you a successful and productive session, and that you are on the way to total healing in all ways needed.

Well, nothing new as regards BF, as we already knew he was not in your league, nor the right man for you, and it was time for him to find somewhere else to hang his .

God bless