Was day 4 but back to square 1
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 14
Was day 4 but back to square 1
Got through the whole weekend, full of resolve, feeling more positive than I have done in a while, would have been on Day 4 but slipped.
Will start again, I have to, but I just don't understand myself? My birthday was over the weekend, didn't hide myself away I celebrated over Sat, Sun and Monday with different groups of my family and friends and managed not to drink and really felt positive.
Went back to work today and that's it, at some point this afternoon started thinking about having a few beers tonight and that's it, I did it.
My work is not majorly stressfull at all but it does involve interacting with alot of people because I'm in a large open plan office which I don't have a problem with but it totally confuses me about my habits? Maybe on some level it does bother me working so closely with people all day? I can go all weekend without touching a drop even around people that are drinking and I can honestly say it's not a struggle but once I go back to work on Monday come that afternoon I want a drink.
I'm not a huge drinker but I'm also not stupid - I know if I'm doing it every day it's causing me damage and I also know alcoholism is progressive so my levels can/will change.
I'm not saying I'm not an alcoholic but sometimes my drinking habits make me question what my "trigger" actually is. For all I know there could be lots of people out there who drink like I do?
I live alone and I sometimes wonder should I change that? I spend very little time at home the rest of the time I spend in my sister's house where I don't feel the inclination to drink. I go to my own home to drink and that's it. I want to move out of my own apartment anyway (which I own) and move to a better area and let my own place and my sister has said over and over just to move in with her, rent my own place and find somewhere I want. Part of me keeps wanting to hold on to mine and keep talking about finding somehere. I tell myself it's to keep my independence but I know it's probably just to keep my midweek drinking spot. So if I have options and I choose to stay here then I can't blame my midweek drinking on lonliness then can I?
Sorry for the rant, just confusing myself really and needed a release!
Will start again, I have to, but I just don't understand myself? My birthday was over the weekend, didn't hide myself away I celebrated over Sat, Sun and Monday with different groups of my family and friends and managed not to drink and really felt positive.
Went back to work today and that's it, at some point this afternoon started thinking about having a few beers tonight and that's it, I did it.
My work is not majorly stressfull at all but it does involve interacting with alot of people because I'm in a large open plan office which I don't have a problem with but it totally confuses me about my habits? Maybe on some level it does bother me working so closely with people all day? I can go all weekend without touching a drop even around people that are drinking and I can honestly say it's not a struggle but once I go back to work on Monday come that afternoon I want a drink.
I'm not a huge drinker but I'm also not stupid - I know if I'm doing it every day it's causing me damage and I also know alcoholism is progressive so my levels can/will change.
I'm not saying I'm not an alcoholic but sometimes my drinking habits make me question what my "trigger" actually is. For all I know there could be lots of people out there who drink like I do?
I live alone and I sometimes wonder should I change that? I spend very little time at home the rest of the time I spend in my sister's house where I don't feel the inclination to drink. I go to my own home to drink and that's it. I want to move out of my own apartment anyway (which I own) and move to a better area and let my own place and my sister has said over and over just to move in with her, rent my own place and find somewhere I want. Part of me keeps wanting to hold on to mine and keep talking about finding somehere. I tell myself it's to keep my independence but I know it's probably just to keep my midweek drinking spot. So if I have options and I choose to stay here then I can't blame my midweek drinking on lonliness then can I?
Sorry for the rant, just confusing myself really and needed a release!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 9
Your habits sound similar to mine. I can't speak for you, but for me, it's always the desire for the party, the fun, which makes me want to drink--even though I too live alone, so it is usually a pretty lame party. Still, for me, it is better than being alone and sober.
Your work may not be stressful, but it's still work. Not really comparable to hanging out with friends and receiving gifts during a birthday weekend. You may have gotten your fill of fun over the weekend, but once you were back to the day to day life in the office, your fun meter may have fallen a bit, and you felt the need to fill it with whatever you had at hand.
Your work may not be stressful, but it's still work. Not really comparable to hanging out with friends and receiving gifts during a birthday weekend. You may have gotten your fill of fun over the weekend, but once you were back to the day to day life in the office, your fun meter may have fallen a bit, and you felt the need to fill it with whatever you had at hand.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
Hi newme
I'm glad you're back on the right road.
I spent a lot of years trying to understand my drinking - the truth is, it's not logical - there is no understanding it.
I do know though that a lot of times when I was 'good' and didn't drink, I'd go out and drink right after. Maybe I resented being good? I dunno.
Move house if you like, but I think while living alone may help you to drink more it's not the cause of your drinking.
I used to live alone and drink, now I live alone and don't drink.
I needed to change me, not so much my living arrangements.
D
I'm glad you're back on the right road.
I spent a lot of years trying to understand my drinking - the truth is, it's not logical - there is no understanding it.
I do know though that a lot of times when I was 'good' and didn't drink, I'd go out and drink right after. Maybe I resented being good? I dunno.
Move house if you like, but I think while living alone may help you to drink more it's not the cause of your drinking.
I used to live alone and drink, now I live alone and don't drink.
I needed to change me, not so much my living arrangements.
D
Proud Neonephalist
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: North Coast BC Canada
Posts: 1,141
I'm only on day 10, so who am I to give advice?
Have you ever heard of PAWS, or Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome? When I read about it a huge AHA! went off in my head, because it described exactly the kind of feelings and thoughts I get when I haven't been drinking for more than a few days.
Now I know there is a physiological reason for those crazy self destructive thoughts and can, so far, defeat them with logic. It's easier to win a battle if you can see and recognize the enemy!
The following link goes to one of the best descriptions of PAWS I've come across;
Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) — Why we don’t get better immediately) Digital Dharma
Murray
Have you ever heard of PAWS, or Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome? When I read about it a huge AHA! went off in my head, because it described exactly the kind of feelings and thoughts I get when I haven't been drinking for more than a few days.
Now I know there is a physiological reason for those crazy self destructive thoughts and can, so far, defeat them with logic. It's easier to win a battle if you can see and recognize the enemy!
The following link goes to one of the best descriptions of PAWS I've come across;
Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) — Why we don’t get better immediately) Digital Dharma
Murray
The New Me starting 1/11/09
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
Hi NewMe -
In the end, for an alcoholic, we can make many excuses as to why we want/need/must have a drink. The drink is not really our problem, but is our solution to our problems.
Whether you are an alcoholic or not is really only something that you can decide. If you decide that you do want to quit drinking, there are a lot of resources here at SR. I needed to actively work the steps of AA in order to stay sober, with SR as a very complimentary tool.
Your story and thinking is not unique. We all know how you feel and have been there before.
Like you, I am a NewMe. For me, with over 18 months of sobriety. But, I am still one drink away from being right back where I started. Keep posting.
In the end, for an alcoholic, we can make many excuses as to why we want/need/must have a drink. The drink is not really our problem, but is our solution to our problems.
Whether you are an alcoholic or not is really only something that you can decide. If you decide that you do want to quit drinking, there are a lot of resources here at SR. I needed to actively work the steps of AA in order to stay sober, with SR as a very complimentary tool.
Your story and thinking is not unique. We all know how you feel and have been there before.
Like you, I am a NewMe. For me, with over 18 months of sobriety. But, I am still one drink away from being right back where I started. Keep posting.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Hi,
I'm not sure how important it is to analyze your drinking either. I know that I could go to a party and not drink, but the next day, I would drink. The seed had been planted and it wouldn't let go. Maybe moving will help you, but basically, beginning recovery is what it is. It's hard work and facing your problems.
I'm glad you recognize how dangerous alcoholism is and that you are seeking support. There's lots of inspiration here, so keep reading and posting.
I'm not sure how important it is to analyze your drinking either. I know that I could go to a party and not drink, but the next day, I would drink. The seed had been planted and it wouldn't let go. Maybe moving will help you, but basically, beginning recovery is what it is. It's hard work and facing your problems.
I'm glad you recognize how dangerous alcoholism is and that you are seeking support. There's lots of inspiration here, so keep reading and posting.
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Im probably similar to you. I have dealt with alcoholics in my family for years and would have never put 'alcoholic' on my label. Im not sure either. I dont think I am but I have a couple of glasses of wine every night and then I would be asleep. Working hard everyday owning my own business, is my excuse for a drink. You know, tired, wind down but I am intelligent enough to know it has become a problem. Wont go into it, but my life has been pretty much a circus and Im tired now, I just want to be on my own. A drink is/was my reward! (my trigger - find out what yours is)
I think I should and you, can analyze it before it gets out of hand. It is progressive and I dont want this to get worse. I was actually that tired last night, that I had a cup of tea and chocolate hedgehog cake instead. Fell asleep on the lounge, had 9 hrs sleep and feel alot better. Oh its my day off too. Sorry for ranting, I tend to do that!
JJ
I think I should and you, can analyze it before it gets out of hand. It is progressive and I dont want this to get worse. I was actually that tired last night, that I had a cup of tea and chocolate hedgehog cake instead. Fell asleep on the lounge, had 9 hrs sleep and feel alot better. Oh its my day off too. Sorry for ranting, I tend to do that!
JJ
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