Working on me
Jujubee Queen
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Working on me
Hi everyone,
I've been lurking in the shadows here, soaking up some recovery.
I've had some very tough decisions to make as of late.
Oldest son, (age 37) is being released from prison, I decided I will pay for 2 months of a sober house, and give him a grocery store card to buy some food.
Youngest son (age 32) is now in Florida, (far away is a good thing) he broke up with his GF of 5 years because he's not in control of his life, his drug habit is. We are not giving him any money, but the fools that we are, we co-signed for a car. $199.00 a month, and so far he hasn't paid for 2 months so to save our credit, we did.
...Grrrrr
I may stop down their and steal the car back.
Good news...the oldest son had a daughter in 1993, the last time I saw her, she was 18 months old. Seems she's been hunting for her father, and found him. Lucky her, in prison. She wrote to him, and they are conversing by mail.
I am meeting her for lunch this coming Wednesday.
Also, I realize, that for both of my son's, their chances to regain sobriety and have meaningful lives, is growing short.
I think the time has come to completely let go, which being the Queen of Codependency, I have a hard time with, but believe me, it's time.
P.S. REAL good news...I am going to camp next week! Serenity take me away!
Prayers to all of you.......
I've been lurking in the shadows here, soaking up some recovery.
I've had some very tough decisions to make as of late.
Oldest son, (age 37) is being released from prison, I decided I will pay for 2 months of a sober house, and give him a grocery store card to buy some food.
Youngest son (age 32) is now in Florida, (far away is a good thing) he broke up with his GF of 5 years because he's not in control of his life, his drug habit is. We are not giving him any money, but the fools that we are, we co-signed for a car. $199.00 a month, and so far he hasn't paid for 2 months so to save our credit, we did.
...Grrrrr
I may stop down their and steal the car back.
Good news...the oldest son had a daughter in 1993, the last time I saw her, she was 18 months old. Seems she's been hunting for her father, and found him. Lucky her, in prison. She wrote to him, and they are conversing by mail.
I am meeting her for lunch this coming Wednesday.
Also, I realize, that for both of my son's, their chances to regain sobriety and have meaningful lives, is growing short.
I think the time has come to completely let go, which being the Queen of Codependency, I have a hard time with, but believe me, it's time.
P.S. REAL good news...I am going to camp next week! Serenity take me away!
Prayers to all of you.......
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Moose))) - I can only imagine how hard it is to "completely let go" of your child, but I can only say...I'm grateful that my dad let go of me as much as he did.
Great news on your granddaughter!!
Have a great time at camp...you deserve it!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Great news on your granddaughter!!
Have a great time at camp...you deserve it!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Hello, sorry to hear that your having addiction problems with both of your boys. Life for me has been totally miserable with one child addicted, I can't even imagine how your dealing with all of this.
I am happy that your meeting up with your Grandaughter. She might be your shining light in the midst of your heartache. You really need to go to Florida and get your car back. He is probably using it for drug runs. If he doesn't pay for it, he doesn't deserve to own it. He is an adult. I will no longer enable my addict son. As soon as I stopped he chose recovery. I wish the same for your boys. From one mother to another, my heart goes out to you.
:ghug3
I am happy that your meeting up with your Grandaughter. She might be your shining light in the midst of your heartache. You really need to go to Florida and get your car back. He is probably using it for drug runs. If he doesn't pay for it, he doesn't deserve to own it. He is an adult. I will no longer enable my addict son. As soon as I stopped he chose recovery. I wish the same for your boys. From one mother to another, my heart goes out to you.
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 341
It's nuts the way the things we do to help our loved ones, especially if it means facilitating their independence, comes back and bites us in the butt because our credit, reputation, etc is on the line. If you don't need the car,and don't want the payment headaches, can you sell it and let someone else take over the payments, or else let the company take it back?
As for older son, won't prison help facilitate his move to sober living and get the county to pay for it? Maybe he go to social services and apply for his own food stamps and general relief so you won't be further out of pocket? I think sober living can accept people on general relief for a reduced cost.
I do feel for you. I hope meeting with your granddaughter is a real bright spot for you.enjoy camp!
As for older son, won't prison help facilitate his move to sober living and get the county to pay for it? Maybe he go to social services and apply for his own food stamps and general relief so you won't be further out of pocket? I think sober living can accept people on general relief for a reduced cost.
I do feel for you. I hope meeting with your granddaughter is a real bright spot for you.enjoy camp!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Hey Moose - It's nice to hear we're not all perfect in our recovery! 
Thank you for posting! Your post shows that you have a huge heart, but an even bigger sense of knowing what's right. Sorry that your son's aren't cooperating! I hope that you get a chance to know your grandkids. I know I couldn't do it without my parents. I cherish all that they do. While my xah isn't there, my dad is and I'm so very thankful for that balance ~ if there is such a thing.
Thank you for posting! Your post shows that you have a huge heart, but an even bigger sense of knowing what's right. Sorry that your son's aren't cooperating! I hope that you get a chance to know your grandkids. I know I couldn't do it without my parents. I cherish all that they do. While my xah isn't there, my dad is and I'm so very thankful for that balance ~ if there is such a thing.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
I am really grateful that I "let go" early on..my daughter is 18 and addicted to heroin, living with her gross boyfriend. We have a relationship, but I told her I will only be in a healthy relationship with her and that includes her not ever asking us for money..so far so good. It's just not helping them to pay for stuff... to me living the life of active addction means generally NOT having food,a nice warm bed, new clothes,a car. Paying for recovery to me is different. Whatevet you choose I hope you you find peace and serenity. The meeting the granddaughter sounds awesome! So does the camp! Have fun and welcome back!
Jujubee Queen
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Thank you all for your replies. Sometimes I think I just need a kick in the tushy, to get me back on track on MY recovery road.
About the car....youngest son, WAS working, and sharing a car with his GF, and when helped him buy the car we THOUGHT (duh) that he was on the recovery road, and IMHO, it's important to reward good behavior.
SO, we co-signed for the car, mainly because GF was going to Nursing School, (she has since graduated and is working full time) and we thought at the time it was a good thing. So, is the motto never to trust again? Actually, I think I may have that right!
We are in Ohio, youngest son, and car is in Florida.
BUT...if he doesn't make the payments, we go to Florida in February, and I might steal it back. It would be kind of fun, I'd feel like a regular hoodlum!
As for other son...when they are in prison, and released, they are turned out with nothing. In fact, if they send him to county jail from where he is now, he cannot even take his shoes I bought him, or his radio.
And if he doesn't return to that prison, they keep his stuff.
I know of no prison, or program that will pay for sober housing, and believe me I have looked, cause I sure am tired of paying.
If anyone knows something that I don't, please chime in.
I am so tired of all of this, and the topper was my mother, age 91, tripped over a wheelchair in a casino June 4th, and fractured her hip, and is left with a "Drop foot" from surgery. We are taking her to a Neurologist tomorrow.
Hugs and prayers to all.
About the car....youngest son, WAS working, and sharing a car with his GF, and when helped him buy the car we THOUGHT (duh) that he was on the recovery road, and IMHO, it's important to reward good behavior.
SO, we co-signed for the car, mainly because GF was going to Nursing School, (she has since graduated and is working full time) and we thought at the time it was a good thing. So, is the motto never to trust again? Actually, I think I may have that right!
We are in Ohio, youngest son, and car is in Florida.
BUT...if he doesn't make the payments, we go to Florida in February, and I might steal it back. It would be kind of fun, I'd feel like a regular hoodlum!
As for other son...when they are in prison, and released, they are turned out with nothing. In fact, if they send him to county jail from where he is now, he cannot even take his shoes I bought him, or his radio.
And if he doesn't return to that prison, they keep his stuff.
I know of no prison, or program that will pay for sober housing, and believe me I have looked, cause I sure am tired of paying.
If anyone knows something that I don't, please chime in.
I am so tired of all of this, and the topper was my mother, age 91, tripped over a wheelchair in a casino June 4th, and fractured her hip, and is left with a "Drop foot" from surgery. We are taking her to a Neurologist tomorrow.
Hugs and prayers to all.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Moose)) - so sorry about your mom...hope the neurologist can help.
I agree with ((Keepinon)) about the car. I "lost" 3 cars in my using time, within 6-9 months, I think. I often "rented" it out, and the one time my XABF's son KEPT the darned thing, had a high-speed chase with the cops, etc., I could have been charged because it was MY car, but I had reported it stolen..though obviously not the truth
Just make sure YOU are legally covered if HE does something stupid, okay? I'm thinking as a co-signer, you WOULDN'T be legally held reliable, but it's something you might want to check into.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I agree with ((Keepinon)) about the car. I "lost" 3 cars in my using time, within 6-9 months, I think. I often "rented" it out, and the one time my XABF's son KEPT the darned thing, had a high-speed chase with the cops, etc., I could have been charged because it was MY car, but I had reported it stolen..though obviously not the truth
Just make sure YOU are legally covered if HE does something stupid, okay? I'm thinking as a co-signer, you WOULDN'T be legally held reliable, but it's something you might want to check into.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
((((Moose)))
Your boys are in my daily prayers and I really hope that one day soon they find a better path. And I know how draining all this can be on you and Mr. Moose, so I will throw in extra prayers for you too...and lots of hugs.
And a big special prayer for Mama Moose, the sweetest angel this side of heaven. How scary that fall must have been. I just really hope she was racing to claim her jackpot prize at the time
Big hugs and lotsa love for the entire Mooseclan.
Your boys are in my daily prayers and I really hope that one day soon they find a better path. And I know how draining all this can be on you and Mr. Moose, so I will throw in extra prayers for you too...and lots of hugs.
And a big special prayer for Mama Moose, the sweetest angel this side of heaven. How scary that fall must have been. I just really hope she was racing to claim her jackpot prize at the time
Big hugs and lotsa love for the entire Mooseclan.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((moose))
Actually you know your recovery shines thru as always -
Your healthy compassion, your love and boundaries in the face of an awful disease, gives me encouragement and strength to keep on walking the path I need to walk when facing this disease with my loved ones.
Prayers for your sons, your granddaughter and for you too!!
So grateful that my God allows me to have such wonderful recovery friends as YOU!!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Actually you know your recovery shines thru as always -
Your healthy compassion, your love and boundaries in the face of an awful disease, gives me encouragement and strength to keep on walking the path I need to walk when facing this disease with my loved ones.
Prayers for your sons, your granddaughter and for you too!!
So grateful that my God allows me to have such wonderful recovery friends as YOU!!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Moose, you sure have alot on your plate. I sure hope your mom completely recovers from her fall. At that age it is tough. I really feel for you, for I understand the heartache involved with your boys, and the worry involved with your elderly mom. Sending up some prayers for the GOOD LORD to Bless you and your family, and touch you with his light and love. Give Grandma Moose a speedy recovery, and touch those two boys with the special wand that will not allow them to do any wrong. Prayers for you and your husband too. I wish you Peace.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Hi moose, First of all, your all in my prayers. I really do feel the saddness in your post and can understand you have reached the end. You and Mr. Moose have given all you can to those boys and maybe it is time to let go. I'm so happy to hear that your having lunch with your gd.....bet thats making you happy. Enjoy her and maybe she'll fill an empty spot on your heart someday. About that car~~~~you co-signed,,,,is there any way you can put the car in your name and the payments in his..that way it will just get repossed without hurting your credit.. Have fun at camp and try to take care of yourself and the Mr. Smiles Bonnie
Jujubee Queen
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Hi,
No way to change the ownership of the car, I am just going to cross my fingers that he starts making the payments.
(altho' we all know if he's back to using...he probably own't...)
No way to change the ownership of the car, I am just going to cross my fingers that he starts making the payments.
(altho' we all know if he's back to using...he probably own't...)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Hi again, I forgot to say how sorry I am to hear about your mom. My mom had a stroke and fell breaking her ankle. That was in march and she is still recuping.It really is such a long haul as we age to regain strenght. Hugs~~
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Hi Moosie,
I'm sorry things are folding in on you a bit. They call us a sandwich generation: sandwiched in between caring for our aging parents and worrying about our kids (or having to deal with the fall out).
I hope your younger gets back on track and settles into his responsibilities. And I hope your oldest gets the chance he needs to make a fresh start. He's got to be tired of the dress code by now?
And Grandma Moose, well I hope her hip heals quickly and she's back at the slots in no time. If she needs incentive, remind her that she may see some in her own back yard soon. I had to chuckle a bit at the irony: she's 91 and tripped over someone ELSE'S wheelchair. May we all have her spunk at her age
I'm sorry things are folding in on you a bit. They call us a sandwich generation: sandwiched in between caring for our aging parents and worrying about our kids (or having to deal with the fall out).
I hope your younger gets back on track and settles into his responsibilities. And I hope your oldest gets the chance he needs to make a fresh start. He's got to be tired of the dress code by now?
And Grandma Moose, well I hope her hip heals quickly and she's back at the slots in no time. If she needs incentive, remind her that she may see some in her own back yard soon. I had to chuckle a bit at the irony: she's 91 and tripped over someone ELSE'S wheelchair. May we all have her spunk at her age
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
Originally Posted by mooselips 
Yikes, meeting the lost grand daughter (and her mom) at 11 a.m. this a.m.
I'm as nervous as a long tail cat in a room of rocking chairs!
I'm as nervous as a long tail cat in a room of rocking chairs!
About the car, can't you still legally take it from him, at the very least?
Although, if he's in active addiciton, I would caution you about taking it very far. If you were to get pulled over, or in an accident or something, and there was any kind of drug evidence in the car while you are driving it, you could easily go to jail. So if you do physically take the car back, make sure to stop somewhere close by and make sure there are no baggies, needles, etc, so you can't get in trouble for his behavior.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Moose, PLEASE keep us posted, and let us know how it goes with your new found Grandchild. That's an awesome gift, and my mom used to tell me, that good comes from bad sometimes. I guess your Grandaughter is the good that came from all of this. I'm sure she is lovely and beautiful. Don't forget to let us all know how it went.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
****{moosie}}}}
It's good to hear from you.
I'm praying that you will find the serenity that you so much deserve; and also that both of your sons will finally become willing to change.
Please keep us posted...
ps
I hope you enjoyed the visit with your grandaughter & her mom.
It's good to hear from you.
I'm praying that you will find the serenity that you so much deserve; and also that both of your sons will finally become willing to change.
Please keep us posted...
ps
I hope you enjoyed the visit with your grandaughter & her mom.
Jujubee Queen
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Hi all,
Met with Grand daughter and her mom for lunch, it was wonderful!
Such a nice, girl, and pretty too, if I say so myself!
We talked a bit about her dad, but I said he's an adult, and I wasn't very comfortable speaking about his previous life, and he would talk to her.
From what I gleaned...she just found out 3 years ago that her step-father was not her father. She KNEW something wasn't right.
So, her mother told her, and she started looking and found him...beautiful prison picture, I'm sure.
Anyway, I assured her that her mother did the right thing at the time by taking her away and not having contact with him, that he wasn't ready to be a good father at that time.
And as for now, we have hope and prayers that this time he will work on himself so he can be a good father.
(hey, here's something nice too...they paid for lunch!)
Life is good.
Met with Grand daughter and her mom for lunch, it was wonderful!
Such a nice, girl, and pretty too, if I say so myself!
We talked a bit about her dad, but I said he's an adult, and I wasn't very comfortable speaking about his previous life, and he would talk to her.
From what I gleaned...she just found out 3 years ago that her step-father was not her father. She KNEW something wasn't right.
So, her mother told her, and she started looking and found him...beautiful prison picture, I'm sure.
Anyway, I assured her that her mother did the right thing at the time by taking her away and not having contact with him, that he wasn't ready to be a good father at that time.
And as for now, we have hope and prayers that this time he will work on himself so he can be a good father.
(hey, here's something nice too...they paid for lunch!)
Life is good.
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