hearnerules

Ive started tracking down what made me such a weekend warrior drinker. I would basically get drunk beyond belief every Friday/Saturday night. So as I have been working my step 4/5 Ive noticed there was a main cause to this .. loneliness.

I think I tried to use alcohol to fill my void. I was under the false belief it helped me loosen up when in reality it was slowly destroying everything I knew. Its hard being in a college town when you are in your 30s and no one here is your age.

Ive started to go to meetings and go back to church hoping to meet new people and escape the bad influences that I surrounded myself with. I think drinking was a symptom of these feelings and I would act happy while quietly crying for help inside. Curious if others hid behind this too.

cat1961

I'm a real home body and that does not combine well us. I'm single and extremely lonely and spend all my excess time on the computer. There are activities out there in the world that do not require drinking (as my mom has always told me).

I am going to take a step up to the plate and find some convenient meetings and meet some new people. It really sucks being so alone.

Anna

Well, I surely was trying to fill the emptiness in my life and I was looking outside of myself to find an answer. Eventually alcohol came along and made everything so much worse.

It sounds like you are taking good steps to help yourself and looking for healthy ways to fill your life. Good for you!

hearnerules

Im trying to take positive steps. Its very hard. Its hard to leave behind everything you know. But with the support Im getting I know I can pull this off and change. Sadly it took me so long before I realized I would accept help.

Oh pride, what a nasty thing you can be.

TexasNative

I hear you, today is day 6 and I feel sad as it is, on top of that it has become quite clear that not only is it time to stop the beer, but to completely re-build my social life which is almost non-existant as it is. It's overwhelming, I'm just working on getting 30 days first, trying to "keep it simple" meanwhile. Hang in there. (At least your in Texas

least

I've often felt lonely, and was used to being home alone a lot. I drank to medicate/cover up depression and anxiety but it also helped (I thought) take away my loneliness. It didn't, of course, it just kept me isolated all the time. Now I still spend a lot of time home by myself but I'm not lonely or feeling cut off from the world. What a difference in my outlook.

Dee74

I certainly used alcohol to fill a void - sometimes that void was loneliness sometimes it was frustration, often it was fear....and yeah pride too hearnrules.

I think now I was lonely probably because I was scared to be me on some level...getting sober and staying that way has helped me deal with that - layer by layer.


I've learned a lot from reaching out - I think you will too
D

parsley

I definitely used alcohol as a cover for loneliness. I was so scared of venturing outside my comfort zone for fear of being rejected. Alcohol never rejected me, but it did do a great job of keeping me locked up. It made me more scared of being discovered an alcoholic. What a mess.

Petewill

hearnerules-- I can totally relate to you. For me, the loneliness I felt has always made we want to drink to fill that void. as my alcoholism progressed the loneliness would still be there as I slowly pushed away people and opportunities that would have enhanced my life. I think from the short time working the steps before, I relapsed at step 9.. I just did not go through it and complete this cycle. Basically, I never gave myself a chance.

SASA

one of the big things I think was that I drunk when I was hurt, take away anxiety but also when I was lonly, how nice to forget. I would start drinking at 6pm and go to bed at 9pm after a bottle of wine and the evening would be done. Last time I stopped I started workign around the house and found some groups I was interested on meetup.com. I started going out to the group (singles, mostly female) on satrudays and for hikes on sunday and I could go for 4 month without needing a drink. I enjoyed work and lost weight, felt realy good. Then my bf came back in my life and because he is jelaous, we stayed home, he would work for hours in the evenings and I was sitting there with nothing to do, he took oiver the house and I just had my bedroom and my office to hang out, it was so boring, so I think that was one of the major reasons I started drinking, to kill the loneliness. Depite anything I did was never good enough for him. I was walking 2 miles every evening, he told em I should be jogging, I was jogging, he told em I should go longer and faster, anything Is tarted he complained and it was not good. He enver told me that I was doing fine. So I drunk becuase i was unhappy, bored and lonely. Now that he is gone and I am on day 25 I am starting to go out with people again, and I enjoy it.....

TimeDrain

Loneliness is very hard to deal with , Ive always been introverted so I don't really enjoy the big scenes unless wasted, Felt that alcohol helped me open up to people when I really always ended up alone drinking myself to oblivion.

Ive pretty much cleared out all friends I once had and am single after spending age 16-23 almost entirely in relationships. I'm in a whole new world now and its not easy . Still haven't pushed myself to get out there . I do feel a lot better after my month away from the poison . I'm definitely humbled and accepting of the time it takes to heal and fix this mess. The drink can only make it harder.

MTWildflower

I relate as well.