so, so lonely
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,548
so, so lonely
My AH died 3 months ago. I'm going through his things, a little at a time. Today I was in the spare room trying to sort through what should go to his daughter, his sister and brother, what could be thrown away.
I miss him. I miss the person he was before he ran away with his alcohol. I look at pictures of him, of us, newly married or shortly after, . He drank quite a bit then but still held a good job and managed to renovate our first house. HE was healthy. He worked, and took pride in his work.
Jeff, I miss you. I miss the man I married who was funny and sarcastic, who put up with me, who understood me. I miss the man who knew what weird thing I was thinking about and would say it out loud before I did. I miss the guy I could talk to about how my at at work went. The last few years, you were so unhappy and selfish, I practically stopped talking to you at all. Not to punish you - it's just that I seemed to be a waste of effort to you. I didn't speak unless spoken to, and only answered the question asked. We fought less that way.
I wish you had cared enough about your health to stop drinking and smoking.
I loved you so much, looking at the old photos made me remember. I've been crying for four hours now, I hope you rest in peace. love you, C
I miss him. I miss the person he was before he ran away with his alcohol. I look at pictures of him, of us, newly married or shortly after, . He drank quite a bit then but still held a good job and managed to renovate our first house. HE was healthy. He worked, and took pride in his work.
Jeff, I miss you. I miss the man I married who was funny and sarcastic, who put up with me, who understood me. I miss the man who knew what weird thing I was thinking about and would say it out loud before I did. I miss the guy I could talk to about how my at at work went. The last few years, you were so unhappy and selfish, I practically stopped talking to you at all. Not to punish you - it's just that I seemed to be a waste of effort to you. I didn't speak unless spoken to, and only answered the question asked. We fought less that way.
I wish you had cared enough about your health to stop drinking and smoking.
I loved you so much, looking at the old photos made me remember. I've been crying for four hours now, I hope you rest in peace. love you, C
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
((((Velma))))
I am sorry for your pain. We are here, we care about you.
You have been through a lot. Grieving is a process. It takes as long as it takes.
Please be gentle with yourself.
If you feel overwhelmed or stuck in depression, please reach out for professional help.
I am sorry for your pain. We are here, we care about you.
You have been through a lot. Grieving is a process. It takes as long as it takes.
Please be gentle with yourself.
If you feel overwhelmed or stuck in depression, please reach out for professional help.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
I think your grieving sounds both normal and healthy.. I love how you acknowledge what the disease did, but still can look at the good times too. When I was greiving, I went to Hopsice for counseling. They specialize in grief and ask only for donations..whatever you can spare. Helped me to have someone to cry to after everyone else had sort of"moved on'.Hope you find moments of peace..
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 566
Velma,
My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing this with us, it's a gift.
I want to echo what keepinon said, Hospice is a great resource, and they often have a program for kids, too. I don't know how old his daughter is, but if she's not an adult then maybe she would benefit from the program.
Big hugs, and warm thoughts to you,
posie
My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing this with us, it's a gift.
I want to echo what keepinon said, Hospice is a great resource, and they often have a program for kids, too. I don't know how old his daughter is, but if she's not an adult then maybe she would benefit from the program.
Big hugs, and warm thoughts to you,
posie
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