iWin

My Rant,

I started drinking at the age of 15. I am 26 now and just had enough with the problems I have put myself through with its use. "It" from here on equates to me & alcohol consumption. I am aware others can drink it just fine with no problems, it's is me who is the problem.

It has made me anti-social. It has made me depressed. It has made me lose friends. It has made me lose some very hot girlfriends, , it has made me almost lose my life on several occasions. Not to mention I am as unhealthy as a side order of bloomin onion, I have this gut I need to get rid of which also adds to my depression.

I don't know what I thought the various times I go to have a good night out with friends and I end up getting us kicked out the bars/clubs because the thought that went over me to think I was The Hulk. Thanks go out to my friends for saving me from them bouncer beatings. Hence they don't take me out anymore with them.

I don't know what I was thinking when I thought I could drive out to NYC from NJ at 1am drunker than a fish. Luckily the person that came to the wrecked car was godsend and took me home before I could get apprehended behind the wheel drunk. Thankfully I didn't kill no one.

Years later you'd have thought I learned my lesson but here I am drinking and driving a couple times a week to fulfill the massive munchies I've accumulated after a liter of Morgan. Not to mention to get another bottle since once I start drinking I never stop. I have crashed into my fathers parked car, my girlfriends parked car in the same night and didn't remember a thing.

I have my Father and current girlfriend who I have a child with telling me to get help. I brush it off and say I can't be helped. I've tried AA meetings, they just aren't for me, no offense. I've tried going to a out-patient clinic after an incident I had with my new extended family. They turned me away and said my condition was not serious enough, they said I wasn't an alcoholic since I had been clean for 2 weeks prior to that visit. Throughout the years the most I had went sober was for about 3 months.

When I mention that I am an alcoholic to explain my mood swings due to being sober for any amount of time to my girlfriend she states that I am not. She says that alcoholic's drink every day and can't go without a drink, is this true? If so I am confused. What am I exactly then?

Also, what's up with the sweat... I find that I sweat easier than anyone I know. I don't know if its due to the weight I'm carrying nowadays or is it to withdrawal. I look at my uncle who is a whole lot more obese than me not breaking a sweat in the sun, meanwhile I'm breaking a sweat after I shower. Someone fill me in...

If you managed to read through this thanks. I feel like I'm on the path to a new beginning. Reading through everyone's posts the last couple of days has helped me stay away from that dreadful store.

artsoul

Hello and welcome iWin! I'm glad you got up the nerve to post and also glad you're choosing to get off alcohol. It really is a tyrant and will take away everything from our lives if we let it.

I just about flipped when I read the reaction of the outpatient clinic. And, no, you don't have to drink everyday to be an alcoholic. If you drink after such serious consequences as yours, it's obvious you're not thinking rationally about it and once you start you can't control it. That's very typical of alcoholic drinking. Alcoholism is a disease with stages, just like cancer has. It will continue to progress if we don't stop. Drinking 24/7 is at the very, very end where people often have severe organ damage.

Anyway, I'm glad you're here. Just try to take it one day at a time and don't pick up that first drink. It's always the first one that somehow turns into 10 or 20, right? If we can do it, you can do it. Keep hanging out here and posting - there's a lot of people here just like you and me!!

CarolD

You have so many red flags of danger.....I can't see why
you don't think you are an alcoholic....and your GF is wrong
with her opinions of what an alcoholic is.

I certainly hope you will stay here with us
You sure do need to quit and stay quit....

Welcome to our recovery community....

iWin

Thanks guys, man, I reread what I typed and almost came to tears.

Edit: Did.

I really hope this is the last time I go through this.

artsoul

You can do it iWin. I remember how I felt when I finally came here (and the tears that went along with it). It's a relief to tell someone, but it's scary to think about making a change and getting sober. I spent a whole Saturday and Sunday reading and posting - I guess I was afraid to do anything else.

Just wanted to say also that there are a lot of people your age that are going through the same thing, so keep checking in. Sometimes it's a little slow on weekends..... Hang in there, OK?

Snarf

iWin, welcome to our community. There's lots of good people with a wealth of knowledge and experience to share with you. People who have been through many of the same things as you. Including myself.

I started drinking at 15, and stopped a little before my 29th birthday. I've lost jobs, wrecked cars, and almost lost an amazing fiancee (still working on fixing things there). I, like you, would always go out with friends and intend to have a couple drinks, only to have a lot more than I had planned. Difference being, I didn't get rowdy and get thrown out of bars and clubs; I just passed out and got asked to leave, then drove myself home.

An alcoholic doesn't always drink every day. There are several definitions of "alcoholic," and only you can decide if you're an alcoholic or not, but I know I am an alcoholic because I continued to drink in the face of some very obvious consequences, and I couldn't control how much I was going to drink when I began drinking. Sometimes, perhaps, if there was a really good reason to limit my drinking. But usually a beer could lead to 10 more beers and who knows how many shots. And the next day I usually would not be able to remember exactly how many drinks I had consumed.

Thanks for joining us. If you're looking for some help, you're in the right place.

least

Wrong wrong wrong. It's not what you drink, or how much or how often, it's what happens to you when you drink.


Couldn't have said it better myself!

My advice to you would be to get some help, counseling or something. You are only going to get worse and worse, your health will go downhill and you are inviting a DUI and possibly jail time, not to mention overwhelming guilt if you hurt or kill someone else. Get help now, while you still can.

If it's a problem, give it up. Simple as that. (not easy, but simple) I did and haven't regretted it or missed it.

Welcome to SR! Lots of support and useful info here, so avail yourself of it. I'm glad you found us and joined the family.

Dee74

Some great advice here iWin.
I'd only add - don't worry about the sweat thing - it's common - it eases up after a while sober

Welcome to SR!
D

iWin

Well here I am again. Same problem. I am about 3 days sober now. I was able to go from the end of September 2010 after having another of my drinking crisis to December 31st, 2010 where it seemed everyone in the world was drinking so I gave in. Ever since then to now the longest I've gone was about 2 weeks. For months now me and my baby's mother have been separated, I been having trouble keeping my performance up to par at work. Pretty much the same ol routine. I also have had trouble sleeping. This morning I don't know how to explain it but I was having the craziest type of dreams, and they were just seconds after I closed my eyes, something bad would happen and I'd rewake and do it over and over. No idea what it's called but I could have sworn I wasn't asleep while it was happening since how quickly it was happening.

I did manage to do one good thing for myself though, I was able to start talking to one of those hot girlfriends I had lost earlier in life due to my drinking. She has been helping me a lot through this but I've still managed to let her down with my constant relapses. This one I don't want to lose again, Crazy thing is when I'm with her I don't even feel like an alcoholic, alcohol completely vanishes my mind. Once I go back into my environment though it slowly comes back. She recommended for me to go into a rehab.

I'm just about ready to take her advice and take a medical leave from work and go into a 30 day program out of state. I would really like the opinions of this community on doing this sort of thing. I'm at the moment really nervous about the entire ordeal and would just like to get over it.

suki44883

If you really, really, really want to stop drinking and live a sober life and all that entails, then yes, I think rehab could help. Please understand though, that rehab is not a magic panacea that will make everything good. Recovery from alcoholism is a life-long prospect and you will have to change many people, places and things in your life if you hope to be successful. In rehab, you will learn coping skills for when cravings hit, and they will hit. It will be up to you to put what you learn into practice when you return to your life. Also, upon release, most rehabs strongly suggest that you attend AA meetings. Good luck! I wish you every good thing.

P.S. to add: Don't go into rehab (if you choose to go) just wanting to get it over with. Throw yourself into it. You will get out of it only what you are willing to put into it. The time you spend there is a time to focus on yourself only. Don't be thinking about your hot chick or what she's doing. Immerse yourself in what they are trying to teach you. Don't get over-confident. This is very important.

iWin

I kind of came off wrong when I said I wanted to just get it over with, like you said, I want to really just throw myself into it. Coping with cravings is def something I have got to learn to deal with. I find myself for every little thing justifying a drink. This morning just because I was a bit bored I got myself into wanting to drink, the littlest things irritate me nowadays. It almost feels like my body is playing a game with me. As far as the girlfriend is concerned, its more than just "hot". I shouldn't have thrown her in there like that. Either way, I do think I'm finally in the right mind set to do this for real. I know I've said this in my past other times, but I really feel this will be it.

Anna

I haven't done a treatment program, but if you want to and your work helps with it, then go for it. I think that you need to decide that drinking is no longer an option, ever. I also think you need to focus more on your recovery than on your hot girlfriend. Recovery has to be the priority in your life.

In the months you stopped drinking, what other changes did you make in your life? Stopping drinking is the beginning, and it's when the hard work starts. I had make many big changes in my life in order to recover.

artsoul

I think treatment can really help..... especially if you get a hard *ss counselor like I did (!) who was really passionate about recovery.

I agree with the others - that it's about doing it for you first and foremost. You determine your own future right?.....you can do some great things if you put your mind to it, look back in 20 years and be proud of yourself. On the other hand, just think about what will happen if you just can't say no to alcohol...... Even the most perfect girlfriend is going to disappoint you sooner or later.

Get serious, get help, and get lots of support - it's hard work but it's really worth it......

Dee74

Welcome back Iwin...I hope a treatment centre can be your turning point

D