frazzled22

I am almost 18 and have been dealing with my mom being an alcoholic for most of my life. She has been drinking my entire life except for two years when I was 11 and 12. I didn't really know there was a problem until she started drinking again. She has a lot of emotional problems due to her childhood (sexual abuse). I love her, shes my mom but I don't think she realizes how her drinking affects our family. My dad has had two heart attacks and is in very bad health. All they do is fight anymore. My brother loves us but he tries to stay away from dealing with our mother when she is drinking because he cant take it anymore. Most of the time I feel like I am the adult. Growing up like this has affected me in so many ways, I don't trust people, I have social anxiety issues, I missed out on a lot of the typical kid and teenager stuff. I could never be a rebellious and irresponsible teenager because my mom is one. My mom knows she has a problem but she refuses to get help and doesn't realize her drinking affects anyone but herself. She lost her job and no longer has unemployment and my dad cant work. Part of me still has hope that things will change one day but the bigger part of me knows not to hope for anything. I leave for college in 50 days. I'm excited to get away from all of this but at the same time I feel bad about leaving my dad to deal with it and I know its going to get worse because the only thing that keeps her from being drunk ALL of the time is me and my brother. She has been hospitalized twice, once for threatening to kill herself, and once she collapsed in town (right outside one of my bestfriends' house who didn't know about the situation). She drives drunk and we moved a few years ago so now I have no friends around. I just dont know how much more I can handle, my brother has already gotten to the point where he doesn't care anymore. But she is my mom and I just want everything to be normal. I just needed to vent and talk to people who actually understand. Thanks.

BadCompany

Glad you're here. Sharing with others helps a lot.

DesertEyes

Hello there frazzled, and welcome to SoberRecovery

That is _exactly_ the way I used to feel when I was living with my own alcoholic parents. Everybody else is too busy with the chaos and nobody is being responsible.

That's is so typical. Most alkies seem to be blind to the world around them.

Well congratulations. That's is awesome, you should feel proud of yourself for doing that in spite of all the chaos in your home.

It doesn't _have_ to get worse. There's a lot of things your dad can do to help the situation. Have you checked out al-anon? They have tons of books and literature on how to deal with a family member who is addicted to alcohol. You can find them in your phone book or here

How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico

If you give them a call they can help you find other resources in your area that can be useful to your dad after you leave. If there are meetings convenient to you, maybe you can check out a couple, then see if your dad will go with you. When you move to college you can find meetings over there too.

I know, it just gets overwhelming. You're not alone anymore, you've got us cyber-peeps here on SR to vent with. There's also a lot of wise folks over in the forum "next door" that you might want to visit.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Oh yeah, and another idea for you. When you get to college, see if they have a counseling center. Most of them do. They can be very helpful in helping you figure out ways to deal with your mom's drinking.

I'm glad you decided to join us.

Mike

Iwanttoheal

Hiya frazzled22

Glad you found us here at SR, pull up your key board and have a good look around.

Loads of good advice there from Mike.

Oh boy did this sentence jump out at me - I was so busy being a miniature, super-responsible adult that I never had a child-hood or was a "normal" teenager.

Anyway, glad you found us and do keep posting, IWTHxxx

Wascally Wabbit

Mike said it all.
He's awesome! I am 54. My mom is 80. She quit drinking over 30 yrs ago, but you;d never know it by the way she acts.
Alanon helped me deal with it. You should at least try it out.

Wolf_22

frazzled22, this is merely my opinion and something I've acquired through conclusive experience but if I were you, I would let go of all that guilt you hold and try to do everything you can for yourself. You have to understand that your father is a man now and despite having health issues, you should never have to ask yourself if it's okay to begin your life... Since you're going to college, you'll have access to a counseling center (or should have) and I would encourage you to explore the possibilities of seeing what you could get from having a few sessions. It would probably be a good experience to get a professional's perspective on it all and more importantly, it might help you see your situation in different lights.

dollydo

My mom is the "A" in my life, she has been drinking for 65 years, I am sure it is some kind of a world record, never stopped once, never even thought about it.

She has no clue what chaos she caused me and my brother. I basically raised him, she was unavailable.

It is good that you are leaving soon, i did when I was 18, I never turned back, I just went forward with my life, for me. Made a bunch of mistakes, but, finallty made it to a good place!

I was the adult in the family and still am, sad but true. Please don't engulf yourself with guilt over your father, he is an adult, he has a choice to stay or leave. You cannot live their life, you can only live yours!

Life is a song worth singing, sing it!