Suicidal Thoughts
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Suicidal Thoughts
Ugh, I feel embarrassed even posting this, but twice in the last few months during a drinking binge ALONE I started to question the point of even living and suicide seemed like a viable option. I don't get it though because for the most part I enjoy life! It was weird and scary, and maybe I shouldn't worry about it. It was probably nothing, right? I guess I just need another perspective on this. Thanks.
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I think a lot of us can think that way when drunk and in despair, Mark.
I hope you'll read the stuff in that sticky and check out the links if you think it's anything but a passing drunken thought, or if you start to feel that way sober.
D
I hope you'll read the stuff in that sticky and check out the links if you think it's anything but a passing drunken thought, or if you start to feel that way sober.
D
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Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia
Posts: 81
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I think a lot of us can think that way when drunk and in despair, Mark.
I hope you'll read the stuff in that sticky and check out the links if you think it's anything but a passing drunken thought, or if you start to feel that way sober.
D
I hope you'll read the stuff in that sticky and check out the links if you think it's anything but a passing drunken thought, or if you start to feel that way sober.
D
Thank you again.
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Mark just to add here that during some my benders my depression and anxiety was so out of control that I had some not so pleasant thoughts. I have discussed these in counseling and it has been really helpful. Alcohol has a tendency to put us in some bad places.
Glad you read the sticky
Stay well my friend.
Glad you read the sticky
Stay well my friend.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Singapore
Posts: 737
True story...
I once lived on the 18th story in a wonderful penthouse in North Burnaby, BC. Rich, brand new record deal, recently married to Ms. Nude Vancouver (no I'm not joking a bit)
On one of my notorious "get faced" Jack Daniels party of 1, I decided life sucked. Why? I have no clue, since literally everything was in line and all my ducks in a row. I mean I thought I was truly content and happy then. I was enjoying life at least.
I went out on my balcony and sat over the edge with my feet dangling towards the pool 18 stories below - all with a bottle of Jack resting in my lap. That was my second bottle and I remember that because I had just cracked it open.
Here's where it gets tricky. I actually passed out before even considering jumping. Yep - I passed out, sitting on the edge of my balcony, feet dangling to oblivion. Guess I must have dropped the bottle cuz it wizzed to ground level and smashed right by the tanning chairs poolside. I woke up somehow, and in a moment of instant and hard core reality figured out where I was - which alone almost caused me to lose balance and fall to my death. However, after an entire 26 oz bottle of Jack Daniels, at that moment I was instantly as sober as a judge once I realized where I was. I remember to this day, that I never wanted to be alive more than than I did in the moment I almost fell.
Long story short I scrambled back in and swore I was through with drinking. Next night I was at a club doing a set, drunk as a skunk. Funny that. 15 years later and only now have I managed to string some sober days together.
Alcoholism is a tricky business Mark, and when it takes hold it can make us think and do the stupidest and most outrageous things possible. Suicide? Yep I've thought about it more than a few times - especially later on (recently) when the boozing became an all day - every day affair. Regret, depression, guilt, <enter laundry list here> hell the things most of us boozers feel inside when we get pi$$ed and also once we sober up and realize the damage caused, well let's just say it's heavy frikin business.
I wouldn't say don't worry about it, but I can say these kinds of thoughts are not unheard of when you're a proper boozer. Someone once told me that almost everyone has thoughts of killing themselves. I guess I believe that. It's just that when you add thoughts like that to a bottle or 2 of your favorite numbing solution, the stupidest mistakes can happen that can not be easily undone.
Good that you read the sticky post, but I would also suggest that if the thoughts get more frequent or worry you more, it's best to talk about it with a professional.
BTW I was born in NS, south shore in fact. So a big HELLO(!!) from a fellow Maritimer! Take care of yourself man.
I once lived on the 18th story in a wonderful penthouse in North Burnaby, BC. Rich, brand new record deal, recently married to Ms. Nude Vancouver (no I'm not joking a bit)
On one of my notorious "get faced" Jack Daniels party of 1, I decided life sucked. Why? I have no clue, since literally everything was in line and all my ducks in a row. I mean I thought I was truly content and happy then. I was enjoying life at least.
I went out on my balcony and sat over the edge with my feet dangling towards the pool 18 stories below - all with a bottle of Jack resting in my lap. That was my second bottle and I remember that because I had just cracked it open.
Here's where it gets tricky. I actually passed out before even considering jumping. Yep - I passed out, sitting on the edge of my balcony, feet dangling to oblivion. Guess I must have dropped the bottle cuz it wizzed to ground level and smashed right by the tanning chairs poolside. I woke up somehow, and in a moment of instant and hard core reality figured out where I was - which alone almost caused me to lose balance and fall to my death. However, after an entire 26 oz bottle of Jack Daniels, at that moment I was instantly as sober as a judge once I realized where I was. I remember to this day, that I never wanted to be alive more than than I did in the moment I almost fell.
Long story short I scrambled back in and swore I was through with drinking. Next night I was at a club doing a set, drunk as a skunk. Funny that. 15 years later and only now have I managed to string some sober days together.
Alcoholism is a tricky business Mark, and when it takes hold it can make us think and do the stupidest and most outrageous things possible. Suicide? Yep I've thought about it more than a few times - especially later on (recently) when the boozing became an all day - every day affair. Regret, depression, guilt, <enter laundry list here> hell the things most of us boozers feel inside when we get pi$$ed and also once we sober up and realize the damage caused, well let's just say it's heavy frikin business.
I wouldn't say don't worry about it, but I can say these kinds of thoughts are not unheard of when you're a proper boozer. Someone once told me that almost everyone has thoughts of killing themselves. I guess I believe that. It's just that when you add thoughts like that to a bottle or 2 of your favorite numbing solution, the stupidest mistakes can happen that can not be easily undone.
Good that you read the sticky post, but I would also suggest that if the thoughts get more frequent or worry you more, it's best to talk about it with a professional.
BTW I was born in NS, south shore in fact. So a big HELLO(!!) from a fellow Maritimer! Take care of yourself man.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Alcohol made me feel worthless and stupid and a waste of oxygen. I felt suicidal constantly. Now that I'm sober I no longer have those thoughts. I never want to go back to those 'dark days'. 
Now that I'm sober I'm enjoying life. I hope you can get some relief with counseling or something. Life is a gift. Don't throw it away. 
Now that I'm sober I'm enjoying life. I hope you can get some relief with counseling or something. Life is a gift. Don't throw it away. bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Originally Posted by GRACIE01
whats a sticky? Im new and dont even know how to post.
A 'sticky' is a post that cannot be moved. Usually really important stuff and always at the top of the forum page.
They're marked by what looks like a little push pin, like a note on a bulletin board.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia
Posts: 81
Originally Posted by Kmber2010
Mark just to add here that during some my benders my depression and anxiety was so out of control that I had some not so pleasant thoughts. I have discussed these in counseling and it has been really helpful. Alcohol has a tendency to put us in some bad places.
Glad you read the sticky Stay well my friend.
Glad you read the sticky
Stay well my friend.I really appreciate the support I've gotten here!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia
Posts: 81
Originally Posted by binderdonedat
True story...
I once lived on the 18th story in a wonderful penthouse in North Burnaby, BC. Rich, brand new record deal, recently married to Ms. Nude Vancouver (no I'm not joking a bit)
On one of my notorious "get faced" Jack Daniels party of 1, I decided life sucked. Why? I have no clue, since literally everything was in line and all my ducks in a row. I mean I thought I was truly content and happy then. I was enjoying life at least.
I went out on my balcony and sat over the edge with my feet dangling towards the pool 18 stories below - all with a bottle of Jack resting in my lap. That was my second bottle and I remember that because I had just cracked it open.
Here's where it gets tricky. I actually passed out before even considering jumping. Yep - I passed out, sitting on the edge of my balcony, feet dangling to oblivion. Guess I must have dropped the bottle cuz it wizzed to ground level and smashed right by the tanning chairs poolside. I woke up somehow, and in a moment of instant and hard core reality figured out where I was - which alone almost caused me to lose balance and fall to my death. However, after an entire 26 oz bottle of Jack Daniels, at that moment I was instantly as sober as a judge once I realized where I was. I remember to this day, that I never wanted to be alive more than than I did in the moment I almost fell.
Long story short I scrambled back in and swore I was through with drinking. Next night I was at a club doing a set, drunk as a skunk. Funny that. 15 years later and only now have I managed to string some sober days together.
Alcoholism is a tricky business Mark, and when it takes hold it can make us think and do the stupidest and most outrageous things possible. Suicide? Yep I've thought about it more than a few times - especially later on (recently) when the boozing became an all day - every day affair. Regret, depression, guilt, <enter laundry list here> hell the things most of us boozers feel inside when we get pi$$ed and also once we sober up and realize the damage caused, well let's just say it's heavy frikin business.
I wouldn't say don't worry about it, but I can say these kinds of thoughts are not unheard of when you're a proper boozer. Someone once told me that almost everyone has thoughts of killing themselves. I guess I believe that. It's just that when you add thoughts like that to a bottle or 2 of your favorite numbing solution, the stupidest mistakes can happen that can not be easily undone.
Good that you read the sticky post, but I would also suggest that if the thoughts get more frequent or worry you more, it's best to talk about it with a professional.
BTW I was born in NS, south shore in fact. So a big HELLO(!!) from a fellow Maritimer! Take care of yourself man.
I once lived on the 18th story in a wonderful penthouse in North Burnaby, BC. Rich, brand new record deal, recently married to Ms. Nude Vancouver (no I'm not joking a bit)
On one of my notorious "get faced" Jack Daniels party of 1, I decided life sucked. Why? I have no clue, since literally everything was in line and all my ducks in a row. I mean I thought I was truly content and happy then. I was enjoying life at least.
I went out on my balcony and sat over the edge with my feet dangling towards the pool 18 stories below - all with a bottle of Jack resting in my lap. That was my second bottle and I remember that because I had just cracked it open.
Here's where it gets tricky. I actually passed out before even considering jumping. Yep - I passed out, sitting on the edge of my balcony, feet dangling to oblivion. Guess I must have dropped the bottle cuz it wizzed to ground level and smashed right by the tanning chairs poolside. I woke up somehow, and in a moment of instant and hard core reality figured out where I was - which alone almost caused me to lose balance and fall to my death. However, after an entire 26 oz bottle of Jack Daniels, at that moment I was instantly as sober as a judge once I realized where I was. I remember to this day, that I never wanted to be alive more than than I did in the moment I almost fell.
Long story short I scrambled back in and swore I was through with drinking. Next night I was at a club doing a set, drunk as a skunk. Funny that. 15 years later and only now have I managed to string some sober days together.
Alcoholism is a tricky business Mark, and when it takes hold it can make us think and do the stupidest and most outrageous things possible. Suicide? Yep I've thought about it more than a few times - especially later on (recently) when the boozing became an all day - every day affair. Regret, depression, guilt, <enter laundry list here> hell the things most of us boozers feel inside when we get pi$$ed and also once we sober up and realize the damage caused, well let's just say it's heavy frikin business.
I wouldn't say don't worry about it, but I can say these kinds of thoughts are not unheard of when you're a proper boozer. Someone once told me that almost everyone has thoughts of killing themselves. I guess I believe that. It's just that when you add thoughts like that to a bottle or 2 of your favorite numbing solution, the stupidest mistakes can happen that can not be easily undone.
Good that you read the sticky post, but I would also suggest that if the thoughts get more frequent or worry you more, it's best to talk about it with a professional.
BTW I was born in NS, south shore in fact. So a big HELLO(!!) from a fellow Maritimer! Take care of yourself man.
Thanks again.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia
Posts: 81
Originally Posted by GRACIE01
I agree, drinking is a downer, makes you do and think bad things. keep reading and posting.
I hope we both have more happier times in the future.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: rural Tennessee
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by binderdonedat
True story...
I once lived on the 18th story in a wonderful penthouse in North Burnaby, BC. Rich, brand new record deal, recently married to Ms. Nude Vancouver (no I'm not joking a bit)
On one of my notorious "get faced" Jack Daniels party of 1, I decided life sucked. Why? I have no clue, since literally everything was in line and all my ducks in a row. I mean I thought I was truly content and happy then. I was enjoying life at least.
I went out on my balcony and sat over the edge with my feet dangling towards the pool 18 stories below - all with a bottle of Jack resting in my lap. That was my second bottle and I remember that because I had just cracked it open.
Here's where it gets tricky. I actually passed out before even considering jumping. Yep - I passed out, sitting on the edge of my balcony, feet dangling to oblivion. Guess I must have dropped the bottle cuz it wizzed to ground level and smashed right by the tanning chairs poolside. I woke up somehow, and in a moment of instant and hard core reality figured out where I was - which alone almost caused me to lose balance and fall to my death. However, after an entire 26 oz bottle of Jack Daniels, at that moment I was instantly as sober as a judge once I realized where I was. I remember to this day, that I never wanted to be alive more than than I did in the moment I almost fell.
Long story short I scrambled back in and swore I was through with drinking. Next night I was at a club doing a set, drunk as a skunk. Funny that. 15 years later and only now have I managed to string some sober days together.
Alcoholism is a tricky business Mark, and when it takes hold it can make us think and do the stupidest and most outrageous things possible. Suicide? Yep I've thought about it more than a few times - especially later on (recently) when the boozing became an all day - every day affair. Regret, depression, guilt, <enter laundry list here> hell the things most of us boozers feel inside when we get pi$$ed and also once we sober up and realize the damage caused, well let's just say it's heavy frikin business.
I wouldn't say don't worry about it, but I can say these kinds of thoughts are not unheard of when you're a proper boozer. Someone once told me that almost everyone has thoughts of killing themselves. I guess I believe that. It's just that when you add thoughts like that to a bottle or 2 of your favorite numbing solution, the stupidest mistakes can happen that can not be easily undone.
Good that you read the sticky post, but I would also suggest that if the thoughts get more frequent or worry you more, it's best to talk about it with a professional.
BTW I was born in NS, south shore in fact. So a big HELLO(!!) from a fellow Maritimer! Take care of yourself man.
I once lived on the 18th story in a wonderful penthouse in North Burnaby, BC. Rich, brand new record deal, recently married to Ms. Nude Vancouver (no I'm not joking a bit)
On one of my notorious "get faced" Jack Daniels party of 1, I decided life sucked. Why? I have no clue, since literally everything was in line and all my ducks in a row. I mean I thought I was truly content and happy then. I was enjoying life at least.
I went out on my balcony and sat over the edge with my feet dangling towards the pool 18 stories below - all with a bottle of Jack resting in my lap. That was my second bottle and I remember that because I had just cracked it open.
Here's where it gets tricky. I actually passed out before even considering jumping. Yep - I passed out, sitting on the edge of my balcony, feet dangling to oblivion. Guess I must have dropped the bottle cuz it wizzed to ground level and smashed right by the tanning chairs poolside. I woke up somehow, and in a moment of instant and hard core reality figured out where I was - which alone almost caused me to lose balance and fall to my death. However, after an entire 26 oz bottle of Jack Daniels, at that moment I was instantly as sober as a judge once I realized where I was. I remember to this day, that I never wanted to be alive more than than I did in the moment I almost fell.
Long story short I scrambled back in and swore I was through with drinking. Next night I was at a club doing a set, drunk as a skunk. Funny that. 15 years later and only now have I managed to string some sober days together.
Alcoholism is a tricky business Mark, and when it takes hold it can make us think and do the stupidest and most outrageous things possible. Suicide? Yep I've thought about it more than a few times - especially later on (recently) when the boozing became an all day - every day affair. Regret, depression, guilt, <enter laundry list here> hell the things most of us boozers feel inside when we get pi$$ed and also once we sober up and realize the damage caused, well let's just say it's heavy frikin business.
I wouldn't say don't worry about it, but I can say these kinds of thoughts are not unheard of when you're a proper boozer. Someone once told me that almost everyone has thoughts of killing themselves. I guess I believe that. It's just that when you add thoughts like that to a bottle or 2 of your favorite numbing solution, the stupidest mistakes can happen that can not be easily undone.
Good that you read the sticky post, but I would also suggest that if the thoughts get more frequent or worry you more, it's best to talk about it with a professional.
BTW I was born in NS, south shore in fact. So a big HELLO(!!) from a fellow Maritimer! Take care of yourself man.
That's an amazing post. Very well written also.
Let it be a lesson learned to all of us who have had those thoughts. I have had my share. It's all relative to me, so many people in this world have problems that pail in comparison to ours, however serious they may be.
May we be thankful for what we have, and be aware of our blessings.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by MarkNS
.....twice in the last few months during a drinking binge ALONE I started to question the point of even living and suicide seemed like a viable option. I don't get it though because for the most part I enjoy life! It was weird and scary, and maybe I shouldn't worry about it. It was probably nothing, right?
More like "living an alcoholic lifestyle no longer makes sense but my false pride and false ego don't want me to quit because I am/might be an alcoholic" - something.
I had those thoughts on occasion too. Thought they were nothing the first time. Thought they were still nothing the second time. Kinda got my attention the third time..... Had me freaking out when I kept getting 'em though. Looking back at those times now..... I was closer than I realized at the time to checking out forever.
What IF there IS something to yours? Take this stuff seriously.
I have no basis in fact for this but it seems believable to me so, in total disregard of researching this (lol)....... I've heard from several ppl I really respect with long-term sobriety in AA that more alcoholics off themselves when they're NOT drinking than when they're physically drunk.
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