VENT...How could he say that....??
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Join Date: Jun 2009
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VENT...How could he say that....??
I know I said I wasn't going to write about my AH's behavior anymore....but I really can't believe a couple things he said. Now, I know he shouldn't talk to me the way he does....but lately I've been noticing it is not just me anymore...it is the kids - even my 19 mo old daughter that he is being mean to! And yes, I have a plan in place to take care of this....soon.
Yesterday, my 19mo old daughter was taking things off the stroller and throwing them on the ground, and he turned and look at her and said, "You are being a pain in the A$$." I can not tell you how sick to my stomache I felt and how much this broke my heart! Who says that to an 19 mo old???? Then today he was in a BAD mood......and angry at the world. My oldest son was leaning against the counter eating an apple, and he looks at him ans says, "oh so we eat all over the place now huh - very sarcastically...as his tone is. My son thought he was joking at first and kinda made a joke back. He flipped out about how no one wants him here, and how mean everyone is to him. Yelled at my son for being disrespectful for not moving when he asked him to....only he never asked him to. I had to tell my son that this was not okay behavior. I know I need to get them away from this behavior.........and I will soon. I am just STILL so shocked by him, and how he can say these things.
Yesterday, my 19mo old daughter was taking things off the stroller and throwing them on the ground, and he turned and look at her and said, "You are being a pain in the A$$." I can not tell you how sick to my stomache I felt and how much this broke my heart! Who says that to an 19 mo old???? Then today he was in a BAD mood......and angry at the world. My oldest son was leaning against the counter eating an apple, and he looks at him ans says, "oh so we eat all over the place now huh - very sarcastically...as his tone is. My son thought he was joking at first and kinda made a joke back. He flipped out about how no one wants him here, and how mean everyone is to him. Yelled at my son for being disrespectful for not moving when he asked him to....only he never asked him to. I had to tell my son that this was not okay behavior. I know I need to get them away from this behavior.........and I will soon. I am just STILL so shocked by him, and how he can say these things.
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
I wish I had a nickle for everytime I said the same thing as you "How could he SAY that"? I gave up trying to figure my ex out. it's too exhausting. I'd rather focus on me and try to figure out what I want for my life, and I know it ain't the verbal abuse I tolerated when my ex was on a drunken tirade.
I'm lucky I didn't have kids. Those kids have no choice-they can't stay or leave; it's kinda up to you about what you're willing to let them tolerate, isn't it?
I'm lucky I didn't have kids. Those kids have no choice-they can't stay or leave; it's kinda up to you about what you're willing to let them tolerate, isn't it?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
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It's good to hear that you have a plan, but I honestly don't see how you could be very shocked over anything that man says. Chances are he suspects that you are planning something, so he's getting his shots in while he can. I hope your plan comes to fruition very, very soon. Your children really shouldn't have to live in that kind of chaos.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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This will sound like a thread hijack, but I was going to start a whole new one because I'm so flabbergasted about AH's behavior today, so I'll just commiserate for a moment...
AH is really mad at me and not speaking to me at all because I spent 45 minutes extra at the dog park. He picked me up from the airport today--I was out of town on business all week. I had a conference call, so he told me he was going to his favorite watering hole and that he would meet me at the dog park.
At 4:40 I was on my way to the dog park and texted him to tell him that. He met me there about 15 minutes later and stayed for about a half hour. On his way out he said he wanted to take me out to dinner. I told him his mother expected us, she was making dinner. He left. I texted him shortly after that telling him whatever he wanted to do for dinner was fine with me. I left the dog park at 6:15--I love that park. It's so peaceful and fun and relaxing, so the time went by.
When I got home he was furious. "I love the dog more than him." "He was so looking forward to my homecoming and I just hang out at the dog park." Never mind that he had called my son to play golf, which would have left me alone all day and evening. Never mind that he left ME at the dog park, and could have asked when I planned to be home. It was so totally absurd I couldn't even understand it. I can only imagine that because he had had a few beers at the bar, he was ramping up for the night and my being later than expected interfered with his being able to rope me into Phase II of the night of partying. I don't know. But he's still not talking to me.
Oh well. I guess my only point is, this ridiculousness is such a pain. So I understand and I hear you--but don't be shocked, because that's the twisted mind of an active alcoholic.
AH is really mad at me and not speaking to me at all because I spent 45 minutes extra at the dog park. He picked me up from the airport today--I was out of town on business all week. I had a conference call, so he told me he was going to his favorite watering hole and that he would meet me at the dog park.
At 4:40 I was on my way to the dog park and texted him to tell him that. He met me there about 15 minutes later and stayed for about a half hour. On his way out he said he wanted to take me out to dinner. I told him his mother expected us, she was making dinner. He left. I texted him shortly after that telling him whatever he wanted to do for dinner was fine with me. I left the dog park at 6:15--I love that park. It's so peaceful and fun and relaxing, so the time went by.
When I got home he was furious. "I love the dog more than him." "He was so looking forward to my homecoming and I just hang out at the dog park." Never mind that he had called my son to play golf, which would have left me alone all day and evening. Never mind that he left ME at the dog park, and could have asked when I planned to be home. It was so totally absurd I couldn't even understand it. I can only imagine that because he had had a few beers at the bar, he was ramping up for the night and my being later than expected interfered with his being able to rope me into Phase II of the night of partying. I don't know. But he's still not talking to me.
Oh well. I guess my only point is, this ridiculousness is such a pain. So I understand and I hear you--but don't be shocked, because that's the twisted mind of an active alcoholic.
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It's not just alcoholics, Solo... chances are a guy like that could stop drinking tomorrow and still be a royal jerk. You oughta join us over on the "Passive Aggressive" thread!
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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Oh, mentallyexh... Hugs. What an a--. My first thought reading your post was how could any one say that to a 19 mo? For some reason reminded me of my STBXAH's comments to our son when he was learning to walk and fell and skinned his knee on the sidewalk, or tripped on something, and cried. His response was invariably "Suck it up." Just that, no "Are you OK?" no "Let's see." just "Suck it up." Seriously? Who tells a baby/toddler to suck it up? (Ok, a drunk....)
I can completely understand your shock. I still find myself shocked by the cr-- that comes out of my STBXAH's mouth, by stuff that I remember as I work through my recovery. I *know* I shouldn't be surprised. I know that it's just how twisted his pysche/personality/disease has become. I know, I know, I know. And yet the surprise is there. *sighes*
The good news (?) is that I'm finding myself shocked less often, or at least the shock wears off really quickly - something occasionally gets through, but for the most part I can remind myself that yes STBXAH is an a--, an alcoholic yes, but an a-- nonetheless.
I can completely understand your shock. I still find myself shocked by the cr-- that comes out of my STBXAH's mouth, by stuff that I remember as I work through my recovery. I *know* I shouldn't be surprised. I know that it's just how twisted his pysche/personality/disease has become. I know, I know, I know. And yet the surprise is there. *sighes*
The good news (?) is that I'm finding myself shocked less often, or at least the shock wears off really quickly - something occasionally gets through, but for the most part I can remind myself that yes STBXAH is an a--, an alcoholic yes, but an a-- nonetheless.
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Oh, I heard all the "you are treating me with disrespect in my own home" crap too. I guess leaving crappy underwear on the kitchen counter and fondling yourself in front of kids while you're blind drunk is deserving of respect.
Meh. Ignore him and move on with your plan, do what's right for those kids and yourself.
Meh. Ignore him and move on with your plan, do what's right for those kids and yourself.
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