ladyamalthea

My mom called me today. I almost didn't answer the phone, but then decided I could at least see what she wanted.

She was calling to tell me about a puppy she wanted me to take in. They were in the parking lot (don't know where) and some woman was giving away puppies, and mom was afraid this woman would turn the pups in to the pound if she couldn't find homes for them. As badly as I want a dog, I'm not equipped for one right now, and frankly I have too much going on to try to find a way to get my cat used to the idea of having a dog in the house. So I told her that I couldn't take it. She persisted for a few mintues, saying she would go ahead and get it for me and I could pick it up from her. I told her I really couldn't take the dog, but thanks for thinking of me. We said our "I love you's" and that was the end of it.

Then it occured to me, that maybe the reason she was so upset that I was saying no was because she wanted to use that as an excuse to see me. If that's the case, and admittedly I can't be sure, but if it's so, I wish she would have just said we needed to talk, or whatever. But instead she's just trying to make me feel guilty all over again. First it was not taking in my sister, and now it's the dog.

I thought about texting her to tell her that, while I can't take the dog, that I would still be willing to do lunch one day this weekend if she wants. But I haven't done it yet. Why? I'm not sure. On one hand, I want to see my parents. On the other, I'm not going without my husband, because then all they would want to do is talk about him, and they probably don't want to see him. So I guess it would be awkward, which makes me think I'm not ready?

This is one set of feelings I am not used to having to work through.

Freedom1990

People can't make us feel guilty unless we give them permission, dear.

I can create a crisis even when there isn't one.

She called about the puppy. You told her that would not work for you.

She got upset. "I love you's" were said, and that was the end of the conversation.

You can either let it go at that, or think yourself in circles over the possibility your mother may have had an ulterior motive.

The choice is up to you.

Everything doesn't have to be a crisis or a problem.

It can just be what it is at face value, and let it be.

Freedom1990

Just an afterthought. How about hugging yourself and letting that vulnerable little girl inside of you that was triggered know you are going to take good care of her?

I hug myself like that (per my sponsor's suggestion), just not in public!

ladyamalthea

Yeah, I know better than to overthink things. But that's what I do. It's what I've always done in any situation that I didn't like. I am a very analytical person, and I need to work on not analyzing every little thing. I guess maybe my heart skipped such a huge beat when I saw my mom on my caller ID that I got a little ahead of myself that I had a hard time coming down from that when I realized the call had very little to do with me personally. I'm guessing now, though, that if she had really wanted to see me, she could have easily said, "well can we meet for lunch tomorrow anyway?". But that didn't happen...

And there I go again hahaha. Yep, gotta work on that one.

Freedom1990

I was the great analyst when I first got into recovery.

Staying in my head had been an effective deterrent in allowing myself to feel.

It takes a lot of practice, but it is possible to change old behaviors/thinking.