I was caught red handed in two years of lies
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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I was caught red handed in two years of lies
I was receiving child support for the last two years and when my husband asked me periodically through the last two years I denied receiving a dime. I have taken that child support and I have spent every dime of this money on my kids.
I recently refinanced my car through my bank for a lower interest rate, they are automatically taking the money out of our house account, but since he was the primary on our joint account I couldnt get the loan through that account. I have my own account that I am primary on that I take $50.00 a week out of my check for me personally that that adds up to $200.00 a month, plus the 320.00 a month in child support.
My husband insisted at looking at my account for the first time in years because he pays the bills and he wanted to see the loan for my car. I put him off for a couple of weeks, than he started getting forceful, persistent, angry and I had no choice to tell him what I have been doing for the past two years.
I was wrong lying to him, and one lie turned into a ton of lies, how did you get this, how did you get that. I also took money out of the house account for gas, to go up north, things like this I had to ask him for so he wouldnt question how I got the money to go here or there. I have told him my mom helps me or my mom bought this or that. That my mom was paying for our trip to Disney for the most part.
I was accused of stealing from him, that half of my ex's child support was his money and I have no right to make decisions without him, he works at a bar and as of lastnight a strip club and so he does work.
My husband would have taken that child support and he would have paid bills yes, he wouldnt have gambled it or foolishly spent is on crazy things. I lied to him, I chose not to tell him and I did with it what I wanted to do for the last two years.
I am not sorry I did this, I am sorry I got caught doing this. I would do it again and I am having a hard time in my mind thinking that I stole from him. I am not sorry that I lied to him either, because he would have wanted the child support.
In the last two years he never once asked me for the $200.00 I kept out of my check for me and if we were that desperate, I would have used that in a bind, but not once did he ask me for even that.
I hurt him so bad, he cant believe that I would do that to him, he has put his heart and soul into my family, he has no secret acounts like I do (with that said I guess they are no secret really).
I can deal with consequences of me lying to him if I could fight back fairly.
He now has the user name and password to my account, he has seen every transaction that I have made, he knows that I spent it on the kids with no doubt. My husband would take my child support when it would come in the mail, he would forge my name on it and take it to the bank and I didnt even know that I received it. That is why I started to direct deposit it in my account.
For a long time I wouldnt get anything, than I received 2000.00 right before Christmas, told him about it and I did what I wanted to do with it, bought him a Makita (drill) and spent the rest on my kids for Christmas presents.
I recently refinanced my car through my bank for a lower interest rate, they are automatically taking the money out of our house account, but since he was the primary on our joint account I couldnt get the loan through that account. I have my own account that I am primary on that I take $50.00 a week out of my check for me personally that that adds up to $200.00 a month, plus the 320.00 a month in child support.
My husband insisted at looking at my account for the first time in years because he pays the bills and he wanted to see the loan for my car. I put him off for a couple of weeks, than he started getting forceful, persistent, angry and I had no choice to tell him what I have been doing for the past two years.
I was wrong lying to him, and one lie turned into a ton of lies, how did you get this, how did you get that. I also took money out of the house account for gas, to go up north, things like this I had to ask him for so he wouldnt question how I got the money to go here or there. I have told him my mom helps me or my mom bought this or that. That my mom was paying for our trip to Disney for the most part.
I was accused of stealing from him, that half of my ex's child support was his money and I have no right to make decisions without him, he works at a bar and as of lastnight a strip club and so he does work.
My husband would have taken that child support and he would have paid bills yes, he wouldnt have gambled it or foolishly spent is on crazy things. I lied to him, I chose not to tell him and I did with it what I wanted to do for the last two years.
I am not sorry I did this, I am sorry I got caught doing this. I would do it again and I am having a hard time in my mind thinking that I stole from him. I am not sorry that I lied to him either, because he would have wanted the child support.
In the last two years he never once asked me for the $200.00 I kept out of my check for me and if we were that desperate, I would have used that in a bind, but not once did he ask me for even that.
I hurt him so bad, he cant believe that I would do that to him, he has put his heart and soul into my family, he has no secret acounts like I do (with that said I guess they are no secret really).
I can deal with consequences of me lying to him if I could fight back fairly.
He now has the user name and password to my account, he has seen every transaction that I have made, he knows that I spent it on the kids with no doubt. My husband would take my child support when it would come in the mail, he would forge my name on it and take it to the bank and I didnt even know that I received it. That is why I started to direct deposit it in my account.
For a long time I wouldnt get anything, than I received 2000.00 right before Christmas, told him about it and I did what I wanted to do with it, bought him a Makita (drill) and spent the rest on my kids for Christmas presents.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 129
My kids were gone for the weekend at friends and up north for fourth parties.
I allowed myself to be abused, physically, mentally, and emotionally for three days. I was slapped back handed in my head once, tripped, spit on, pictures were thrown across the room and broke. While the glass and pictures laid on the carpeted floor, he pissed on them. He stood so close to my face, I could feel his lips moving on my cheek as he told me he could bite my face off and watch me bleed to death and told me how much he loved torturing me. He beat the bed with his fists and mimicked me shaking hysterically and crying in fear of the unknown really and told me I should be afraid. This went on for three days and three nights. He calmed down during the day and become apologetic for breaking things and scaring me, than toward the evening when he started drinking would be fine at first, than a few hours into drinking would start over again. He ripped my purse to shreds with his own hands and tore apart my cell phone and it was in as many pieces as he could get it into.
I allowed myself to be abused, physically, mentally, and emotionally for three days. I was slapped back handed in my head once, tripped, spit on, pictures were thrown across the room and broke. While the glass and pictures laid on the carpeted floor, he pissed on them. He stood so close to my face, I could feel his lips moving on my cheek as he told me he could bite my face off and watch me bleed to death and told me how much he loved torturing me. He beat the bed with his fists and mimicked me shaking hysterically and crying in fear of the unknown really and told me I should be afraid. This went on for three days and three nights. He calmed down during the day and become apologetic for breaking things and scaring me, than toward the evening when he started drinking would be fine at first, than a few hours into drinking would start over again. He ripped my purse to shreds with his own hands and tore apart my cell phone and it was in as many pieces as he could get it into.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,868
I agree...get out of there. The man is an abuser. What you did may not have been the best thing, but you stole NOTHING from him. Half of that money is NOT his. That is support for your children. The man sounds like a control freak.
Please, if you don't have a place to go, call the domestic abuse hotline and just talk to them. They can be of enormous support and assistance. Please, take your children and get away from this man.
Please, if you don't have a place to go, call the domestic abuse hotline and just talk to them. They can be of enormous support and assistance. Please, take your children and get away from this man.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,868
Okay, I just saw your last post. I am so glad you are out of there. There is NO EXCUSE for abuse. You did nothing to deserve that. Please, stay as far away from him as possible and consider taking out a restraining order on him. The man is very dangerous.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
First off, I send you a huge hug, it sounds like you need it. :ghug3
Numero Uno: I hope you called the police or made a police report. If not, do it now. Save all evidence and give it to the police.
You did not steal. That money is for your children, not for him. Half does not belong to that nut. I hope you have the capability within you to stay far far away from him, no matter how hard he begs later. This type of person is a psychopath that could have killed you. Please stay safe and stay in contact. Feel free to send me a message anytime you need a friend or support.
God Bless!
Nicky
Numero Uno: I hope you called the police or made a police report. If not, do it now. Save all evidence and give it to the police.
You did not steal. That money is for your children, not for him. Half does not belong to that nut. I hope you have the capability within you to stay far far away from him, no matter how hard he begs later. This type of person is a psychopath that could have killed you. Please stay safe and stay in contact. Feel free to send me a message anytime you need a friend or support.
God Bless!
Nicky
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 129
I have started a PPO, and have contacted a lawyer, I am out of their safe and will never go back.
What i did to him was worse than his affair or anything that has ever happened in our fourteen almost fifteen year relationship and marriage. He would have rather me F** someone else than do what I did to him.
What i did to him was worse than his affair or anything that has ever happened in our fourteen almost fifteen year relationship and marriage. He would have rather me F** someone else than do what I did to him.
A Pirate looks at 40
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Southeast of Disorder (FL)
Posts: 264
What the ....
Glad you are out of there. Stay safe, and take care of those kids. Nothing justifies an abusive spouse, or partner. Whether you lied or not.
If for some reason you decide to go back to the scumbag do your kids a favor and give them back to their real father or some trusted family member before they get abused as well.
((hugs))
Glad you are out of there. Stay safe, and take care of those kids. Nothing justifies an abusive spouse, or partner. Whether you lied or not.
If for some reason you decide to go back to the scumbag do your kids a favor and give them back to their real father or some trusted family member before they get abused as well.
((hugs))
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Cassey, if I understand correctly, you had been receiving child support from an EX and you were hiding that money from your current husband, to prevent him from spending it frivously?
If my understand is correct, then honestly, I see no problem with what you were doing, considering the fact that your current husband is abusive and controlling. I too hid money from my husband when we were married. I was a dancer and brought home LOTS of cash, which he would immediately take to spend on things he "needed" (video games, junk food, photography equipment, clothing, and of course, booze and cigarettes). I opened up a secret PC savings account, and every night after work, I would go drop in a few bucks in the account. Made the statements paperless. It was hard to hide the cash because there was a time where I had to report to my X every dance I did, so he would calculate how much I would have made and then checked my money the same night. So I had to lie and pretend I wasn't dancing when I was, then count how many 20$ I could afford to put into my secret stash. It was utter madness. I ended up using the money to pay for daycare fees for DSS and for other "emergencies" when XAH didn't pay rent or electricity or when I desperately needed food and hadn't gotten any food stamps.
Whatever the "excuse" there IS NO JUSTIFICATION for abuse. You did not deserve to be treated this way. I do hope you have gone to the police to report this. The longer you wait, the less likely it is they will believe you.
Have you gone to see a lawyer yet?
If my understand is correct, then honestly, I see no problem with what you were doing, considering the fact that your current husband is abusive and controlling. I too hid money from my husband when we were married. I was a dancer and brought home LOTS of cash, which he would immediately take to spend on things he "needed" (video games, junk food, photography equipment, clothing, and of course, booze and cigarettes). I opened up a secret PC savings account, and every night after work, I would go drop in a few bucks in the account. Made the statements paperless. It was hard to hide the cash because there was a time where I had to report to my X every dance I did, so he would calculate how much I would have made and then checked my money the same night. So I had to lie and pretend I wasn't dancing when I was, then count how many 20$ I could afford to put into my secret stash. It was utter madness. I ended up using the money to pay for daycare fees for DSS and for other "emergencies" when XAH didn't pay rent or electricity or when I desperately needed food and hadn't gotten any food stamps.
Whatever the "excuse" there IS NO JUSTIFICATION for abuse. You did not deserve to be treated this way. I do hope you have gone to the police to report this. The longer you wait, the less likely it is they will believe you.
Have you gone to see a lawyer yet?
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
this man has terrorized you for using entitled child support and you feel you did something to him? no,no....I think you may have been following your inner voice. where is his respect for you? the physical and psychological abuse is something you are not responsible for. this man is vicious and dangerous, he has THREATENED YOU WITH BODILY HARM.
what kind of a person would say such things to his wife and partner?...I hope you have some counseling set for yourself and children...and please keep track of his contact to you and take out a restraining order.
God bless, stay safe.
what kind of a person would say such things to his wife and partner?...I hope you have some counseling set for yourself and children...and please keep track of his contact to you and take out a restraining order.
God bless, stay safe.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Cassey, I"m so glad you are out of there. You have a lot of strength in you.
You were not in a normal situation. Normal does not apply. You can't hold yourself up to some kind of standard, or honor system, when you are living with a mad man.
You did what you needed to do to get through that time, and if protecting the money meant for your children was what you needed to do, I'm glad you did it.
You were not in a normal situation. Normal does not apply. You can't hold yourself up to some kind of standard, or honor system, when you are living with a mad man.
You did what you needed to do to get through that time, and if protecting the money meant for your children was what you needed to do, I'm glad you did it.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Yes, nodaybut2day, I was hiding for the past two years that I actually had been receiving child support from my X husband. To be honest I cant say that my current husband would have spent it frivolously. But in the past year I should say we have bought a flat screen tv, couch, bed (please note that this stuff was bought from our joint accounts). I work full time and contribute a good amount of money all of it except $50.00 a week that I have always kept for myself) Money was tight at times yes, and I never told him that I was getting this child support but he also never once asked me for the $50.00 a week I kept out of my work check for myself.
I have established credit in my own name, I have gotten a personal loan in my own name, financed my car in my own name, and just recently opened a credit union credit card in my own name. All of this was on my account and he didn't know about this. I did this for my future, for an emergency escape route, to be able to hire an attorney, to borrow against the credit card to put a deposit on a rental. To get my kids things that probably didn't need but I wanted to give it to them. Gave my oldest daughter money to help her with her college books, bought her a car, and than a second car.
I have established credit in my own name, I have gotten a personal loan in my own name, financed my car in my own name, and just recently opened a credit union credit card in my own name. All of this was on my account and he didn't know about this. I did this for my future, for an emergency escape route, to be able to hire an attorney, to borrow against the credit card to put a deposit on a rental. To get my kids things that probably didn't need but I wanted to give it to them. Gave my oldest daughter money to help her with her college books, bought her a car, and than a second car.
A Pirate looks at 40
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Southeast of Disorder (FL)
Posts: 264
I also want to agree with noday. He is not entitled to half of your child support at all. Not sure where he got that idea. If child support had anything remotely to do with him at all then he would also have to provide financial information about himself to the courts when they decide to work out a figure to have the biological father pay.
At least that is how it works here in Florida. You could marry a billionaire, and the biological father would still be responsible for child support based on his, and your income period. If one wished to pursue it. Kind of getting off tangent here. It just amazes me how someone could think they deserve half of that. He is not the kids biological fathers responsiblity.
Anyway get help, do whatever you have to do to stay away from him. You never know when he may really snap.
At least that is how it works here in Florida. You could marry a billionaire, and the biological father would still be responsible for child support based on his, and your income period. If one wished to pursue it. Kind of getting off tangent here. It just amazes me how someone could think they deserve half of that. He is not the kids biological fathers responsiblity.
Anyway get help, do whatever you have to do to stay away from him. You never know when he may really snap.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
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Originally Posted by Cassey 
Yes, nodaybut2day, I was hiding for the past two years that I actually had been receiving child support from my X husband. To be honest I cant say that my current husband would have spent it frivolously. But in the past year I should say we have bought a flat screen tv, couch, bed. Money was tight at times yes, and I never told him that I was getting this child support.
I have established credit in my own name, I have gotten a personal loan in my own name, financed my car in my own name, and just recently opened a credit union credit card in my own name. All of this was on my account and he didn't know about this. I did this for my future, for an emergency escape route, to be able to hire an attorney, to borrow against the credit card to put a deposit on a rental. To get my kids things that probably didn't need but I wanted to give it to them. Gave my oldest daughter money to help her with her college books, bought her a car, and than a second car.
I have established credit in my own name, I have gotten a personal loan in my own name, financed my car in my own name, and just recently opened a credit union credit card in my own name. All of this was on my account and he didn't know about this. I did this for my future, for an emergency escape route, to be able to hire an attorney, to borrow against the credit card to put a deposit on a rental. To get my kids things that probably didn't need but I wanted to give it to them. Gave my oldest daughter money to help her with her college books, bought her a car, and than a second car.
you were listening to your "inner voice", something in the relationship made you feel you needed the safety net. if you were in a trusting loving marriage, you wouldn't have felt the need. Good for you that you are prepared and away from this bully (that is the only word that is remotely polite)
A Pirate looks at 40
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Southeast of Disorder (FL)
Posts: 264
The only thing that would be affected by his finances would be alimony. Just because he married you does not entitle him to child support. He did not adopt the children (or did he???), so it does not matter if he helps with them financially or not...
And sorry but what an *******... He should help out because he loved you AND YOUR CHILDREN enough to marry you. What an ass!
Be glad you are out of this one!
And sorry but what an *******... He should help out because he loved you AND YOUR CHILDREN enough to marry you. What an ass!
Be glad you are out of this one!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 129
I am never going back there, I have hit my bottom and I dont want to look back and say why the hell did I not hit my bottom three years ago. He does has of domestic violence report on him already. He had to go through classes, drug tests, tons of court cost. Seven months ago he punched me in the head and I used my hand to block his punch and he broke my hand. I cannot say why I didnt leave before.
It does not get better for anyone even remotely close to my situation, get out while you can. Things will not change, they get worse.
It does not get better for anyone even remotely close to my situation, get out while you can. Things will not change, they get worse.
A Pirate looks at 40
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Southeast of Disorder (FL)
Posts: 264
Originally Posted by Cassey
I am never going back there, I have hit my bottom and I dont want to look back and say why the hell did I not hit my bottom three years ago. He does has of domestic violence report on him already. He had to go through classes, drug tests, tons of court cost. Seven months ago he punched me in the head and I used my hand to block his punch and he broke my hand. I cannot say why I didnt leave before.
It does not get better for anyone even remotely close to my situation, get out while you can. Things will not change, they get worse.
It does not get better for anyone even remotely close to my situation, get out while you can. Things will not change, they get worse.
Important thing now is you have got out of there. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and took care of things (finances) to make the transition out easier. Kudos!
Just take care of yourself and the kids. You did the right thing.
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