Christen

So my husband has been clean about 5 months. And life is getting better all the time.

I have been working more lately. And there is only one nar anon meeting in my city. And it's on a night that I work. It's really important that I pick up shifts. (My husband's addiction has affected our finances...) And if I was to be brutally honest- I'm tired of going to the meetings anyways.

Every time my husband has several months clean- I stop going to the meetings. And then eventually he relapses. And I end up at square one- an emotional mess, & I go back to the meetings for a couple months.

I'm glad to help other people at the meetings. And I have gotten a lot more out of the meetings than here at SR. But I'm just having "recovery burnout". I'm a private person. I'm shy, and I don't make friends easily. I don't want to go pour my heart out to strangers. It makes me feel worse. I would rather live my life, love my husband, keep my peace, & go to church rather than the meetings.

So tell me SR friends- am I in the wrong? Should I change my work schedule & go back to the meetings? What do you guys think?

ladyamalthea

I have found that al-anon is more available in my area than nar-anon. Is this true for you too? If so, why not try al-anon, if it falls during a time when you are not working?

I understand how tempting it is to move on and life your life without the meetings, but if the meetings are making a difference in your recovery, do you not think it's important to keep them? IMO, that's like someone on an anti-depressant saying they feel better, so they don't need their meds anymore, and then they feel even worse the next time something happens that they can't cope with, because the very source of their well being is nowhere to be found.

Just my opinion, though. You have to do what works for you.

ladyhawk69

Only you can answer that question for yourself. Are you having "recovery burnout" or possibly "relapse burnout"? Is this a cycle you want in your life? Everybody has their own limitations and breaking point. As long as you are working towards your happiness and goals and not centering the world around his addiction, do what is best for YOU.

BBD

Hi Christian, 5 months is a good start for your husband but its still early in the game. I have found that after meetings and counciling that it is important to stay connected to my recovery. I enjoy this site for that reason. Even thou my son is currently living with us and attending his meetings almost nightly I have to stay on top of my codependant issues and let him do things for himself......and for us while he is here. There is hope and you just have to do what makes you happy...and healthy also. Hugs, Bonnie

Hammerhead

Your husband staying clean has nothing to do with you going to meetings... you going to meetings is to help YOU.

You are in a never ending cycle perhaps that's why you are an emotional mess.

You are physically tired because you are working to get out of a financial mess.

Only YOU can decide if you should or shouldn't go to meetings... only YOU can decide if you want to continue living this way... nothing changes if nothing changes.

Going to meetings will not keep your husband from drinking... but it does give thousands of folks just like you.... peace, serenity and shelter during the storm.

Take care.

hopeful4

I dont know if it is offered in your area, but they have a web site where you can check. I go to something at a local church called Celebrate Recovery. It is fantastic. It is sort of like a christian based support group for people w/all kinds of different issues, and has a group for co dependents, which is what I attend. There are at least five different churches here that have it on a different night which means if you cannot go on one night you can go somewhere else on a different night. Check it out if you think you may be interested. This has helped me so much you would not believe.
I started going alone when my husband was in rehab. I walked in and was immediately put to ease with everyone. You are never forced to talk if you dont want to, and most of them offer free babysitting service. My husband now attends with me and has for a couple of months, he gets alot out of it also.
I hope this helps. Regardless of where you get it, keep getting support. If you see you are in a trend of falling apart after a while that is a sign you still need support in my opinion.

Good Luck and God Bless to you. I hope this helps.

coffeedrinker

i think anvil hit on something in her post. you working extra hard, to dig out of the hole he caused....

perhaps one of the things eating away at you is resentment.

hard to balance these things of life....easy for us to say....but, i would encourage you to hang on to your meetings like the lifeline that they are. you don't have to share more than you are comfortable with. in my darkest days, just sitting in a room full of people in this giant family of recovery, was comforting. i would sometimes go, just to realize that i couldn't form the words of pain inside me, and sit and listen, and hope that the life-changing messages would get through to me.

Hammerhead

Awesome... love that!

Christen

Thank you for the advice everyone. I really appreciate it. I'm going to check and see if there is any celebrate recovery meetings in my area. I'm also looking into working every other friday, so that I can at least attend a meeting every other week. I have lots of al anon meetings in my area, but only one nar anon meeting. I feel much more understood at nar anon. So thanks again.