No motivation - can anyone help?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 14
No motivation - can anyone help?
I don't know what to do I'm just so frustrated with myself.
I have accepted that I have a problem, I know I'm an alcoholic but I just can't make myself do anything about it and I'm just so afraid that I will never change.
I understand that meetings are the best way forward, I totally get that but right at this moment in time I just can't do it. I make excuse after excuse for myself not to go and I know that at the moment at least, regardless of how much I try to talk myself around, it's not going to happen - at least not right now.
I would love to know if anyone has encountered this and how you managed to change? Are there any books out there that you found helped?
I have accepted that I have a problem, I know I'm an alcoholic but I just can't make myself do anything about it and I'm just so afraid that I will never change.
I understand that meetings are the best way forward, I totally get that but right at this moment in time I just can't do it. I make excuse after excuse for myself not to go and I know that at the moment at least, regardless of how much I try to talk myself around, it's not going to happen - at least not right now.
I would love to know if anyone has encountered this and how you managed to change? Are there any books out there that you found helped?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: texas
Posts: 64
Im fighting the same problem. I was so afraid of giving up all I knew but I realize now I have to. I have to do something to change. Id suggest try an AA meeting. Went to my first one 2 days ago and it was amazing. I was scared to death but I told myself I have to do this. The people were very relaxed and made me feel so welcome even though I just sat and cried for an hour.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 14
Thanks for your reply it's really appreciated.
I know I should go to an AA meeting but no matter how much I try to push myself I just can't do it. I'm sorry I know this sounds weak but I just can't do it.
I'm hoping that if I could read a particular book that it may be the motivation I need to push myself toward doing something?
I'm sorry I know on re-reading my post I sound like I can't be bothered to take advice but I honestly just can't condition my mind to do what I want it to do. I so admire anyone that just swallows the fear and attends meetings but I'm just my own worst enemy at the moment.
I know I should go to an AA meeting but no matter how much I try to push myself I just can't do it. I'm sorry I know this sounds weak but I just can't do it.
I'm hoping that if I could read a particular book that it may be the motivation I need to push myself toward doing something?
I'm sorry I know on re-reading my post I sound like I can't be bothered to take advice but I honestly just can't condition my mind to do what I want it to do. I so admire anyone that just swallows the fear and attends meetings but I'm just my own worst enemy at the moment.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: florida
Posts: 1
No motivation.
Don’t beat yourself up. As much as you may feel fear and guilt, allow yourself some self-forgiveness. Believe it nor, you deserve it. It was difficult for me to go to my first meeting. I felt like everyone would judge me. But the anonymous in AA really means just that. (Shoot, wear shades and a hat if you really want to go incognito!) You don’t have to say or do a thing. No one will do anything towards you but say hello and smile. Even when the person leading the meeting asks if there are any visitors or first time attendees you don’t have to say anything. The best thing I got out of my first meeting was the revelation that I wasn’t alone. I always thought that I was some kind of nut, and no one could ever understand my suffering and what it was like to be me. When I heard other’s stories I was surprised that they sounded just like mine. I have some resistance to some of what goes on with AA, but I get out of it what I can and I don’t worry about the rest. Go online and look up AA meetings in your areas. Generally, you’ll see a variety of different types of meetings. Some are more intense while others are very laid back. Try different ones until you find one that suits you. I found a good read to be “Mindful Recovery” by Thomas Bien. You can find it on Amazon.com. It is a very gentle read. It provides me with tools that help me. Good luck. I hope you find some peace.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 143
I was completely put off about going to meetings - scared, leary, uncomfortable, etc.. I have many posts on here saying "I am going to go to a meeting.." and then I never ended up going. Finally I just got sick of it. I know I need to not just quit drinking, but to reach true sobriety and change the way I think and my outlook on life. I read and read on here - especially posts by people who were in programs. I emailed someone who I thought seemed knowledgeable and down to earth in his posts on here about going to my first meeting. He guided me and motivated me to go to my first meeting. I am so glad that I did it. With his help and advice I also got a sponsor at my first meeting and it has made a world of difference. It took me a few weeks to work up to being able to go to a meeting, but I am really glad that I did. Good luck.
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
I didn't want to go to a meeting. But I went. And I've been going ever since, these last 3.5 months.
Nothing changes if nothing changes. It's not like some invisible force is keeping you strapped down. Just go. It's an hour out of your life (plus the drive). How bad can it be? Surely not as bad as you're making it out to be. It's not like they're going to tar and feather you or anything.
There are good people who want to help you. They've been through what you've been through, so they're supremely qualified to be the ones to assist you right now. Just make it happen.
Nothing changes if nothing changes. It's not like some invisible force is keeping you strapped down. Just go. It's an hour out of your life (plus the drive). How bad can it be? Surely not as bad as you're making it out to be. It's not like they're going to tar and feather you or anything.
There are good people who want to help you. They've been through what you've been through, so they're supremely qualified to be the ones to assist you right now. Just make it happen.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
Going to meetings isn't the only way to recover. Lots of us have done just that. However, I couldn't get and stay sober until I was willing to do anything it took. I hope you get to that point before it really costs you something.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,367
I agree with smacked.
I 'wanted' to do something about my drinking for years - I didn't - and I almost died.
Don't get to that point, newme.
Meetings, no meetings, AA or some other recovery group, counselling, outpatient rehab, even just seeing your Dr - do something.
D
I 'wanted' to do something about my drinking for years - I didn't - and I almost died.
Don't get to that point, newme.
Meetings, no meetings, AA or some other recovery group, counselling, outpatient rehab, even just seeing your Dr - do something.
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Yes, I'm with Smacked, too.
I am not an AA person, but I put everything I had/have into my recovery. If I hadn't, it never would have worked.
The book that turned the corner for me is "The Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukav. This gentle, loving book showed me how to reconnect to my spiritual self - something that I had to do before I could recover.
I am not an AA person, but I put everything I had/have into my recovery. If I hadn't, it never would have worked.
The book that turned the corner for me is "The Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukav. This gentle, loving book showed me how to reconnect to my spiritual self - something that I had to do before I could recover.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Land down under
Posts: 433
Hi Newme,
Welcome to SR.
I have nothing against AA but I have managed to stay sober by using SR and the realisation that my life was being controlled by alcohol.
I too was scared to stop. what sort of person would i be off of alcohol, who i believed to be my "best friend". As it turns out, i actualy like myself now more than I ever did. My head is clear, I look and feel younger, along with a whole heap of other positives.
I suggest you try and look towards what can be and not what has been. Take that first step and have faith in yourself that you are worth it. In my opinion, it's the internal dialogue that makes or breaks your success in recovery. You can't do this as a white knuckle ride. You really need to change how you feel about life and take this one day at a time. "I promise myself I will not drink today".
Keep posting here. We are all fabulous people with great advice, who are going through the same things on a daily basis. It does get easier.
Welcome to SR.
I have nothing against AA but I have managed to stay sober by using SR and the realisation that my life was being controlled by alcohol.
I too was scared to stop. what sort of person would i be off of alcohol, who i believed to be my "best friend". As it turns out, i actualy like myself now more than I ever did. My head is clear, I look and feel younger, along with a whole heap of other positives.
I suggest you try and look towards what can be and not what has been. Take that first step and have faith in yourself that you are worth it. In my opinion, it's the internal dialogue that makes or breaks your success in recovery. You can't do this as a white knuckle ride. You really need to change how you feel about life and take this one day at a time. "I promise myself I will not drink today".
Keep posting here. We are all fabulous people with great advice, who are going through the same things on a daily basis. It does get easier.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I asked a close friend to go with me to my 1st AA meeting.
Have you considered that option?
Since you asked about books....and are thinking about AA
Here is the AA program book
Big Book On Line
And....here is a link to excerpts from my favorite
"handbook" on alcoholism...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Glad you are here with us.....Welcome....
Have you considered that option?
Since you asked about books....and are thinking about AA
Here is the AA program book
Big Book On Line
And....here is a link to excerpts from my favorite
"handbook" on alcoholism...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Glad you are here with us.....Welcome....
Last edited by CarolD; 07-07-2010 at 11:09 AM.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
The book UNDER THE INFLUENCE is highly recommended by many people. I haven't read it so have no opinion but have read parts of it that made total sense to me. I'm not an alcoholic cause I'm a bad or weak person, I have an 'allergy' to alcohol and it affects my brain differently than it does most people.
My motivation was a bit lacking when I first wanted to get sober too. I really wanted to succeed without doing anything about it. I wanted sobriety to 'just happen', and of course, it didn't 'just happen' - I had to make it happen with attitude adjustments and changes in my way of living. I had to relearn how to live without always being numb or sick.
I must have a hard head
cause I've been struggling to stay sober for over two years and just now finally have seven months... but it was worth the effort it took to get here. Living sober really rocks.
I hope you can find a method or program to help you get and stay sober. It's a wonderful way to live.
Welcome to SR! I've found this to be a very motivational place to be. It's certainly helped me.
My motivation was a bit lacking when I first wanted to get sober too. I really wanted to succeed without doing anything about it. I wanted sobriety to 'just happen', and of course, it didn't 'just happen' - I had to make it happen with attitude adjustments and changes in my way of living. I had to relearn how to live without always being numb or sick.
I must have a hard head
cause I've been struggling to stay sober for over two years and just now finally have seven months... but it was worth the effort it took to get here. Living sober really rocks. I hope you can find a method or program to help you get and stay sober. It's a wonderful way to live.Welcome to SR! I've found this to be a very motivational place to be.
It's certainly helped me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Hi Newme!
I was only able to stop drinking when I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. Yes, I mean when I got to the point that 51% of me wanted to be sober and 49% wanted to still drink.
I don't know the details of your relationship with drinking, but I drank huge amounts every single night and was hung over every single day. It's been said a million times, but I simply got sick and tired of being sick and tired.
My secret to motivation? I got sick and tired of being fat and bloated and red eyed. In all honesty, aside from feeling better everyday and not having to worry about my liver, my #1 motivation is getting my appearance back, losing my 30 vodka pounds, spending the money I'm not spending on alcohol on a shopping spree in a few weeks, and feeling good in my own skin again.
If you can find some motivation like your appearance, focus on it. I started off slow but when I stepped on the scale about a week ago and had lost 10 lbs, I started to feel pretty great about this sobriety thing.
I was only able to stop drinking when I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. Yes, I mean when I got to the point that 51% of me wanted to be sober and 49% wanted to still drink.
I don't know the details of your relationship with drinking, but I drank huge amounts every single night and was hung over every single day. It's been said a million times, but I simply got sick and tired of being sick and tired.
My secret to motivation? I got sick and tired of being fat and bloated and red eyed. In all honesty, aside from feeling better everyday and not having to worry about my liver, my #1 motivation is getting my appearance back, losing my 30 vodka pounds, spending the money I'm not spending on alcohol on a shopping spree in a few weeks, and feeling good in my own skin again.
If you can find some motivation like your appearance, focus on it. I started off slow but when I stepped on the scale about a week ago and had lost 10 lbs, I started to feel pretty great about this sobriety thing.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Lots of good advice here already, so I will share my experience. I find going back over my first posts helps a lot.
Here is yous (hope its ok to share again)
That & pretty much reaching the point of truly being sick & tired of being sick & tierd.
All of the best in your search :-)
Here is yous (hope its ok to share again)
That & pretty much reaching the point of truly being sick & tired of being sick & tierd.
All of the best in your search :-)
Originally Posted by newme7 
Hi
After browsing for a long while I decided to register which I'm hoping is the first step for me to get sober.
I've always been a drinker, I'm 35 now, but since I started living alone about 5 years ago my drinking seems to be getting steadily worse. I'm just beginning to realise that it's affecting every area of my life and being honest I probably wouldn't be here if it wasn't affecting my finances just the way it is. When I actually add up the amount of money I'm spending every month when leaving other things unpaid it really scares me.
To add to that I'm not going out, It's seriously affecting my work and since beer is my alcohol of choice I'm piling on weight. I'm constantly making excuses to friends (the ones I have left) and letting them down just because I want to stay home and drink.
I drink every day and fool myself that it's ok because I never go over the amount I've regulated for myself. I finish work at 4.30pm, buy 4 cans of beer and a pack of cigarettes. Drink the cans, smoke, eat and go to bed. That's it, I do nothing more with my life. Every single night, except on Fridays when I have a 6 pack because I don't have to get up for work the next day.
I'm good at my job, just got promoted but I can feel my addiction slowly causing me problems there. Had an important meeting at work the other day and knew I shouldn't drink the night before but did anyway and just couldn't get it together. I'm sure a work they can probably smell alcohol on me from the night before, maybe it's just paranoia though, the thought of that makes me cringe but it still doesn't stop me.
I justify it all the time though by thinking that although I have to drink during the week, sometimes at the weekend when I haven't had contact with anyone there can be beer in the fridge and I touch it.
I'm so sorry for the long rant but I honestly just don't know what to do. I take medication for depression and it has worked so well before but now that I'm drinking with it it's doing more harm than good. Funny thing is at work and with my friends I'm the upbeat person and the one who makes everyone laugh. I know it sounds crazy but I'm scared to really show what I'm thinking. Some of the people closest to me are going through really hard times right now so I just feel like I can't add to it with my issues (so I'm lumbering you guys instead
)
I don't feel ready for something like AA meetings as yet so I suppose I'm just asking for what helps you? I don't want to waste any more of my life, there are so many things I want to do but to get any motivation for myself right now would be a godsend.
After browsing for a long while I decided to register which I'm hoping is the first step for me to get sober.
I've always been a drinker, I'm 35 now, but since I started living alone about 5 years ago my drinking seems to be getting steadily worse. I'm just beginning to realise that it's affecting every area of my life and being honest I probably wouldn't be here if it wasn't affecting my finances just the way it is. When I actually add up the amount of money I'm spending every month when leaving other things unpaid it really scares me.
To add to that I'm not going out, It's seriously affecting my work and since beer is my alcohol of choice I'm piling on weight. I'm constantly making excuses to friends (the ones I have left) and letting them down just because I want to stay home and drink.
I drink every day and fool myself that it's ok because I never go over the amount I've regulated for myself. I finish work at 4.30pm, buy 4 cans of beer and a pack of cigarettes. Drink the cans, smoke, eat and go to bed. That's it, I do nothing more with my life. Every single night, except on Fridays when I have a 6 pack because I don't have to get up for work the next day.
I'm good at my job, just got promoted but I can feel my addiction slowly causing me problems there. Had an important meeting at work the other day and knew I shouldn't drink the night before but did anyway and just couldn't get it together. I'm sure a work they can probably smell alcohol on me from the night before, maybe it's just paranoia though, the thought of that makes me cringe but it still doesn't stop me.
I justify it all the time though by thinking that although I have to drink during the week, sometimes at the weekend when I haven't had contact with anyone there can be beer in the fridge and I touch it.
I'm so sorry for the long rant but I honestly just don't know what to do. I take medication for depression and it has worked so well before but now that I'm drinking with it it's doing more harm than good. Funny thing is at work and with my friends I'm the upbeat person and the one who makes everyone laugh. I know it sounds crazy but I'm scared to really show what I'm thinking. Some of the people closest to me are going through really hard times right now so I just feel like I can't add to it with my issues (so I'm lumbering you guys instead
)I don't feel ready for something like AA meetings as yet so I suppose I'm just asking for what helps you? I don't want to waste any more of my life, there are so many things I want to do but to get any motivation for myself right now would be a godsend.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: London, England
Posts: 211
People here saying that AA isn't the only way are right, although as an AA member myself I can say wholeheartedly that it does work. However the main reason it seems so unimaginable to walk in is because you are essentially taking step 1 and admitting that you have a problem. This is the heardest step to take. I spent my first meeting in bits but only received love and understanding. Maybe getting one-on-one councilling from an addiction specialist will help guide you and get some immeadiate help- it isn't so daunting when it's not a big group and can ease you into your recovery. I wish you all the best- I haven't had a drink for 5 months now, it is possible to feel better
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Have you looked at any other programs? I started AA plus an outpatient alcohol treatment program at the same time. I don't know where you are, but apparently in the US there are non-faith based alternatives to AA.
You can browse the information pages on this website and find lots of information.
The most important thing is to just take those first small steps.
I took the first step by going to a doctor and discussing my drinking. She ordered full blood work and gave me some information about outpatient treatment.
After that first small step, seeing my doctor, I gained enough confidence to take the next steps: making an appointment with the outpatient clinic and finally going to my first AA meeting, after considering it for almost a year.....
great journeys start with one first step!
You can browse the information pages on this website and find lots of information.
The most important thing is to just take those first small steps.
I took the first step by going to a doctor and discussing my drinking. She ordered full blood work and gave me some information about outpatient treatment.
After that first small step, seeing my doctor, I gained enough confidence to take the next steps: making an appointment with the outpatient clinic and finally going to my first AA meeting, after considering it for almost a year.....
great journeys start with one first step!
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