A Year Ago
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 223
A Year Ago
A year ago I sat in lawn chairs with my X and watched the fireworks and listened to him tell me that wives were replaceable but family (the ones you are born to, he never considered US family) are forever.
Yep, the same family where his father abandonned him, and his mother spent his college money and let him live in his car and who also will backstab, lie and manipulate him, never putting him first, always demanding; oh, and the brothers who insist he sacrifice his life and kids to the beast mom, so they can have normal lives. The same family who ignored his 40th bday, when he was alone in a different state newly divorced, impoverished, and taking care of two kids under three because he'd offended his mother. Yep, they are always there for him.
I remember pointing out that maybe wives were replaceable, but I wasn't and that's true.
This 4th, I was at Universal in Orlando visiting the new Harry Potter park, watching fireworks with people who love and value me. I had a blast, just a blast. My career is zooming, my kids thriving, I'm socializing with a wonderful man, I've got a good future, lots of friends. I should be unhappy because I will be bankrupting soon and may not be able to keep my house. OTOH, I have a VA loan and have a new place all picked out I really like if the house doesn't go through, or I may even rent.
Someone in HQs who's impressed with my work suggested I apply to an opening for Brussels. It's a promotion plus a 25% overseas salary increase--and they provide housing. My youngest son wants to do it, and I'm fired up. I might not get it, but just the offer and the unit chief's confidence in me suddenly made me realize, hey, I have no boundaries anymore--I can go where I want. If the house doesn't go through, then I will rent until my son gets out of HS, and then I can go anywhere in the world...or maybe back to DC. I have no limits any more. Why not rent one of the brand new chic townhouses five miles west of here for 2 years, and then go off on adventures--all while saving money. I'd be able to pack it away for retirement and more than catch up with the financial setback of the divorce and the housing crisis.
Who knew life at age 49 could be so full of interesting opportunities? Who knew? I am filled with well being, contentment, and anticipation.
A year ago I was arguing with X about whether of not it was him or his sisterinlaw who said that wives were replaceable, but FOO was forever, or whether he just KNEW that's what she thought or whether he just thought it but never said it to anyone, etc... And how mean I am to his mommy, and how nothing his criminal kid did was the kid's fault and how I'm this and that and just plain no good...
OMG I'm so glad to be out of that mess. Wives may be replaceable, but I'm not.
I just want you ladies and gentlemen to know that when you get the XA out of your life and focus on yourself and your own well being, good things happen.
Yep, the same family where his father abandonned him, and his mother spent his college money and let him live in his car and who also will backstab, lie and manipulate him, never putting him first, always demanding; oh, and the brothers who insist he sacrifice his life and kids to the beast mom, so they can have normal lives. The same family who ignored his 40th bday, when he was alone in a different state newly divorced, impoverished, and taking care of two kids under three because he'd offended his mother. Yep, they are always there for him.
I remember pointing out that maybe wives were replaceable, but I wasn't and that's true.
This 4th, I was at Universal in Orlando visiting the new Harry Potter park, watching fireworks with people who love and value me. I had a blast, just a blast. My career is zooming, my kids thriving, I'm socializing with a wonderful man, I've got a good future, lots of friends. I should be unhappy because I will be bankrupting soon and may not be able to keep my house. OTOH, I have a VA loan and have a new place all picked out I really like if the house doesn't go through, or I may even rent.
Someone in HQs who's impressed with my work suggested I apply to an opening for Brussels. It's a promotion plus a 25% overseas salary increase--and they provide housing. My youngest son wants to do it, and I'm fired up. I might not get it, but just the offer and the unit chief's confidence in me suddenly made me realize, hey, I have no boundaries anymore--I can go where I want. If the house doesn't go through, then I will rent until my son gets out of HS, and then I can go anywhere in the world...or maybe back to DC. I have no limits any more. Why not rent one of the brand new chic townhouses five miles west of here for 2 years, and then go off on adventures--all while saving money. I'd be able to pack it away for retirement and more than catch up with the financial setback of the divorce and the housing crisis.
Who knew life at age 49 could be so full of interesting opportunities? Who knew? I am filled with well being, contentment, and anticipation.
A year ago I was arguing with X about whether of not it was him or his sisterinlaw who said that wives were replaceable, but FOO was forever, or whether he just KNEW that's what she thought or whether he just thought it but never said it to anyone, etc... And how mean I am to his mommy, and how nothing his criminal kid did was the kid's fault and how I'm this and that and just plain no good...
OMG I'm so glad to be out of that mess. Wives may be replaceable, but I'm not.
I just want you ladies and gentlemen to know that when you get the XA out of your life and focus on yourself and your own well being, good things happen.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
get the XA out of your life and focus on yourself and your own well being, good things happen
If the focus of my obsession is another person's drinking, then I have to practice complete abstinence from the drinker in order to move forward with my life. Abstinence to me means no relationship, no contact, no magical thinking, and no excuses.
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
If the focus of my obsession is another person's drinking, then I have to practice complete abstinence from the drinker in order to move forward with my life. Abstinence to me means no relationship, no contact, no magical thinking, and no excuses.
True dat.
There are three women in my Alanon group that have stayed with their husbands.
One husband has 30 years sobriety and is a great guy.
One other woman is battling cancer. I'm convinced that the stress of living with an alcoholic would have eventually killed me. I remember very clearly being able to feel all that deadly stress induced cortisol flowing through my body.
And the other one has those dead eyes that you get when your soul has withered.
But the good news is, I've watched far more get well enough and strong enough to leave. Kind of like around here. I think it's a good thing.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
True dat.
There are three women in my Alanon group that have stayed with their husbands.
One husband has 30 years sobriety and is a great guy.
One other woman is battling cancer. I'm convinced that the stress of living with an alcoholic would have eventually killed me. I remember very clearly being able to feel all that deadly stress induced cortisol flowing through my body.
And the other one has those dead eyes that you get when your soul has withered.
But the good news is, I've watched far more get well enough and strong enough to leave. Kind of like around here. I think it's a good thing.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
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