Getting to Know Yourself...Again
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 114
Getting to Know Yourself...Again
Hey everyone, hope your all doing great today. I havent been able to post in a while, but I can now and was thinking about the past 182 days I have been sober, and how I am re-learning about myself, and also accepting the fact that I am an alcoholic, and that the last 10 years of my life were not how I want my life to continue. The past 182 days have been tough, but the most AMAZING in my life at the same time. I feel happy again, excited about life and I actually have interests in all the things I used to love-I.e. music, great books and how much I missed running. On top of that, I have had the opportunity this summer to spend a couple of months back on the east coast for a work experience and have been catching up with my old freinds-the best freinds ever-and hope to have for the rest of my life.
Recently I was in my best freinds wedding and everyone kept telling me how good I looked, how I seemed happy and at peace. Usually I was always the one who got so drunk and out of control I didnt want to talk to anyone for a few weeks until things cooled off. But this time, I was able to talk to people, listen to their conversations, and give back to them without talking about myself, or forgetting what we were talking about, or making a fool of myself all together. Now my freinds all know that I have stopped drinking and am an alcoholic and they have been so supportive I cant even stress my level of gratitude. One day, they said "man you are so different now-its awesome" and I replied "now your just meeting the real me". And I thought how awesome it was that the real me, the one that I was born to be was back in the picture. And, the real me is what everyone around me loves, not the crazy drunk guy who could make people laugh by doing stupid stuff, or the drunk guy who embarrased himself and those who know him.
Additionally, I had the opportunity to get back involved with some things my freinds and I used to do like playing music, and going running and just having overall great conversations.
I thought attending the wedding of my best freind was going to be stressful, and embarrasing for me. But, it was one of the most rewarding experiences that I have had in my sobriety. I finally realized that people were happy to see the real me again, and I was happy because the real me was re-surfacing. The happy-go lucky, thoughtful, considerate person I was born to be.
And even better, I am more motivated than ever to keep my sobriety-I love where my life is at and I dont have to go back to the black hole of those 10 years of my life. I love the person I am now. I no longer hate life. I no longer dismiss all the good things great people in my life have given me. I no longer act like a jerk and forget things. I no longer drink until I pass out and wish tomorrow will never come. Now I cant wait for what each day is going to bring and love every minute of it. I am SO thankful.
I am 27 and convinced that my life is going to have a happy ending. Like some books, the beginning is usually good, there are some bad chapters, but in the end it turns out ok.
All the best
Recently I was in my best freinds wedding and everyone kept telling me how good I looked, how I seemed happy and at peace. Usually I was always the one who got so drunk and out of control I didnt want to talk to anyone for a few weeks until things cooled off. But this time, I was able to talk to people, listen to their conversations, and give back to them without talking about myself, or forgetting what we were talking about, or making a fool of myself all together. Now my freinds all know that I have stopped drinking and am an alcoholic and they have been so supportive I cant even stress my level of gratitude. One day, they said "man you are so different now-its awesome" and I replied "now your just meeting the real me". And I thought how awesome it was that the real me, the one that I was born to be was back in the picture. And, the real me is what everyone around me loves, not the crazy drunk guy who could make people laugh by doing stupid stuff, or the drunk guy who embarrased himself and those who know him.
Additionally, I had the opportunity to get back involved with some things my freinds and I used to do like playing music, and going running and just having overall great conversations.
I thought attending the wedding of my best freind was going to be stressful, and embarrasing for me. But, it was one of the most rewarding experiences that I have had in my sobriety. I finally realized that people were happy to see the real me again, and I was happy because the real me was re-surfacing. The happy-go lucky, thoughtful, considerate person I was born to be.
And even better, I am more motivated than ever to keep my sobriety-I love where my life is at and I dont have to go back to the black hole of those 10 years of my life. I love the person I am now. I no longer hate life. I no longer dismiss all the good things great people in my life have given me. I no longer act like a jerk and forget things. I no longer drink until I pass out and wish tomorrow will never come. Now I cant wait for what each day is going to bring and love every minute of it. I am SO thankful.
I am 27 and convinced that my life is going to have a happy ending. Like some books, the beginning is usually good, there are some bad chapters, but in the end it turns out ok.
All the best
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Thanks for such a great post! I look forward to being able to say I have 182 days and better yet, that I'm happy with my life again. I remember feeling the "real me" starting to emerge the first month of sobriety and thinking "dang! I am a caring, worthwhile, individual!" Strange that we didn't really know how much of ourselves we lost while drinking.
Keep up the good work!
Keep up the good work!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Congratulations, HIgby!
I recently passed my 6 month anniversary and can totally relate (other than the fact that it took me about 25 years of drinking to have my "moment of clarity" and kick the bottle). So true that it is now possible to be the people we were meant to be. Doesn't mean that every day is perfect... far from it. But now each day is ours to live, to strive, and be free. Not like the bad old days: an enless succession of sunrises showing us the latest s*tpile our addiction has dragged us through.
For me, gratitude is the momentum that helps keep me sober. Thanks for the post/reminder!
Eddie
I recently passed my 6 month anniversary and can totally relate (other than the fact that it took me about 25 years of drinking to have my "moment of clarity" and kick the bottle). So true that it is now possible to be the people we were meant to be. Doesn't mean that every day is perfect... far from it. But now each day is ours to live, to strive, and be free. Not like the bad old days: an enless succession of sunrises showing us the latest s*tpile our addiction has dragged us through.
For me, gratitude is the momentum that helps keep me sober. Thanks for the post/reminder!
Eddie
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 114
In my personal opinion-its probably safe to be scared-but remember it will most certainly be an awesome time. Freinds have a way of surprising us and my freinds certainly did. I have no doubt your freinds will give you the same support and it will be a boost in your sobriety as well.
Haha-turns out I can dance even better sober than i ever did! I didnt spill my drink on the dance floor and bump into people. I acted dignified and still had a ton of laughts.
Take care
Haha-turns out I can dance even better sober than i ever did! I didnt spill my drink on the dance floor and bump into people. I acted dignified and still had a ton of laughts.
Take care
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Brussels (from Ireland)
Posts: 221
Congratulations Higby on your 182 days and for such a really wonderful and inspirational post! I completely relate to you about getting drunk at weddings...sigh...
Though I used to dread family weddings (which were all day Irish wedding drinking sessions!!) as I disliked these kinds of occasions (being a shy person) and had to drink to (or at least I thought I had to!) get the nerve to be at the front of the church, to be at the top table, be on the dancefloor, etc., but I could never draw the line... I could never relax and enjoy the occasion as I was too worried about getting drunk and making a show of myself which was a self-fulfilling prophesy as I just used to end up drinking more as I was trying to relax myself and calm down.... Now that the drink has been taken out of the equation I can really be myself and approach these events from a completely new angle - though I haven't had any weddings as yet but other family events (Communion, Birthdays, etc.) which have all gone really smoothly and family have been very impressed (unbelieving at first!) and supportive (almost 150 days sober).
Thank you for sharing this with us and I wish you all the best for the next 182 days
Big hugs,
Almath
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
What's really great for me is getting to like myself again - I'd hated myself so much and no longer feel that way. I'm learning to live again, really live, not just exist, and I like it.
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