keepinon

Everyone has their own journey to follow with a loved ones addiction. The quicker some things are accepted however, the quicker YOUR recovery will come. I have learned FOR SURE the following

My love and your love cannot and will not "cure" an addict

The addicts love for you will not "cure" them

The more desperate your energy about "fixing" the addict, the worse off both of you are

Although each of is a unique person, addiction is the same.. if you think that your loved one is any different than my loved one or that you are any different than any other codependant, then you are suffering from "terminal uniqueness" and are gonna have a hell of a time in recovery

Looking on this site for the magic cure, the one person who tells you what you want to hear, (ex. Oh yes, my parents constant interference got me clean!) is pointless and a waste of time

If you are trying to be a loved ones treatment center, you have failed (they're still using!)

The only person you can control is YOURSELF!!!!!!!!

Your user name says alot about you.. I can almost tell how codependant you are if you include your relationship to another person in the name..look at the people who seem healthy to you..what are their user names?

This all being said.. I personally have learned it all the hard way and hope maybe one person can learn one thing quicker than I did!

URMYEVERYTHING

Funny you say that about the user name... I got that when I first got on here but to clarify....It's my favorite song by Lifehouse. (smile)

Great post!

keepinon

The username wasn't aimed at anyone in particular, just an observation

Chino

My kitty cat is my hero. She's independent and there's hell to pay if you get in her way

keepinon

I think I'm going to get alot of flack for the user name comment

Chino

I think it's a valid observation and I love it when someone finds recovery and changes it

I just had to pile on a little. It's what my cat would do

wicked

keepinon,

very good post and some keen observations.

sigh....
i would like to think i am wicked in some ways.
but my teenage daughter's reaction when she saw it was,
:bwa ha ha ha ha! yeah right mom, you are about as wicked as a parakeet!"


but that is my name and i am sticking with it.

ladyamalthea

Mine is actually a character from a favorite kid's movie of mine when I was growing up. She went through some serious changes (in her case, going from being a unicorn to being human lol), and in the end, she had to make some huge decisions about her identity. When I first came here, I knew I had big changes I needed to make, even if I was staying human lol. So there ya go.

wicked

oh no, cynical one, i would yank your chain about your name.

it is snoopy and his two cute friends that lure people in.

:rotfxko

ThatLittleGirl

My user name is from a poem by Mayda del Valle, 'To All the Boys I've Loved Before' (see signature below)...I like the strength of it...the affirmation of what I owe to myself...I'm 'That Little Girl'...

wicked

CynicalOne,

I meant to say I would not yank your chain about your name!

Geez.

URMYEVERYTHING

Keepinon... I know you didn't put anyone on blast when you made that comment.

It just got me thinking that maybe I should change mine but then no one would recognize me and I would have to go back a thousand years to get myself back to being familiar again.

However, it did get me thinking that the time I opened the account that the lyrics to the song is exactly what I was looking for in a relationship. Now, I listen to the song and think about that relationship with myself.

That's all... no one will give you flack but the Oh, Cynical One! Ha Ha.

Love ya guys!

Sunshine2

I think people normally join here when they are desperate, hence the selection of usernames. Mine was certainly appropriate when I joined but I have moved on far away from that place (maybe because I did find a place to turn to: here! lol). I didn't know one could change your name, but may just do that now.

1Love

My user name is definitely descriptive of my attitude toward my life up to this point...

keepinon

Oh Cynical One, u r right again as usual... I know I was the person thinking I was differnt and so was my daughter. But we are not. I know that this post probably won't spur anyone into reality quickly, but i just had to try! I've just noticed alot of people recently posting on all the differnt forums saying the same things. As if they will get the answer they want if they post on another thread! Kind of frustrating, but that's my own issue. If people want the validation to keep doing what they've been doing that isn't working, I'm just not sure why they are here. You all have helped me enormously and I would love to help someone else.I think this was a good effort, but you are so right about everyone hearing what they need to in their own time!

ladyamalthea

I hope you weren't referring to me, because I have been posting on several different forums here, but I have at least been going to the different forums about things that seem relevant to them. I guess maybe it has been a lot of overlap. If I have led anyone to believe that I am looking at different forums because I don't like the advice I get the first time, please be assured that is not the case. I am definitely re-learning quite a bit from everyone here, and I hope that I haven't done something here that is going to keep that from happening. I meant well, really. I just have a huge whole in my heart right now that I am trying to fill however possible, and trying to discuss what is happening from different angles seemed like a good way to work on that. Sorry if it came out the wrong way. I really am taking in all of your advice and am trying to do the best I can with it.

Callie

Callie was the name of my deceased Rottweiler. The breed in general is known to be tough, but she was the sweetest dog ever. She knew how to 'smile'. People thought she was bearing her teeth, but it was actually her smiling. If she would have had a tail, it would be dangerous. She was always wagging her butt! She was the first dog that xah and I had together. We had to have her put to sleep because she had cancer and would have suffered alot. I suppose I'm alot like her IRL. I put on a tough front in the fight against addiction, but just like callie and her cancer ~ we can't win. I had to make the choice to save her from suffering, but I sure put myself through a heck of alot of suffering when I didn't have too.

Great post and great observations keepinon!

ladyamalthea

Ha! Keeptheonion ! Love it!

lightseeker

I've always wondered the significance of different names. I don't know exactly when this awareness came but for a long time I have felt that I was seeking the light...whatever that is. I guess it means that I've been seeking to find my way.

HealingWillCome

That's funny -- I wouldn't have caught that!

I appreciate the points made in the original post because I need to have things reinforced, sometimes over and over and over. It's what my emotions need to hear. My rational thoughts get it. My heart is what needs work.

Thanks, Keepinon.