He said his therapist dumped him because I won't be his girlfriend.
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He said his therapist dumped him because I won't be his girlfriend.
He sent me another letter that said that his therapist dumped him because: the therapist thought he was counseling xabf about relationship issues, so when I sent xabf that final letter saying that I had moved on, there was no more point in treatment.
So you know, the therapist absolutely was counseling xabf about alcohol/addiction issues; it was never couples counseling. I imagine the therapist stopped treatment because xabf is not serious about treatment (keeps drinking and lying).
After blaming me for losing his therapist, xabf pleaded for me to take him back (this is all in a letter).
My nervousness that xabf might show up at my place continues so I emailed him (big mistake). I let him know that I don't believe anything he says, and that I am seeing someone else now, so to leave me alone, I HAVE DEFINITELY MOVED ON.
He sent me a few emails back saying that he didn't believe me, that I was just trying to hurt him, and would I please take him back.
My first impulse is to try to convince him, so he will believe me. But he doesn't deserve to know anything more about my life.
You know how I feel now? Not hurt. Not sad for him. Just pissed that he won't leave me alone and keeps harassing me via the U.S. Mail.
I hate that I feel like I HAVE to read the letters to be sure he isn't going to do something crazy, or has plans to come over here, or whatever. It makes me feel uneasy to be in my own home.
The next time I get a letter in the mail, I'm definitely going to write "Return to Sender" on it. If he ever shows up here, I'll call the police.
So you know, the therapist absolutely was counseling xabf about alcohol/addiction issues; it was never couples counseling. I imagine the therapist stopped treatment because xabf is not serious about treatment (keeps drinking and lying).
After blaming me for losing his therapist, xabf pleaded for me to take him back (this is all in a letter).
My nervousness that xabf might show up at my place continues so I emailed him (big mistake). I let him know that I don't believe anything he says, and that I am seeing someone else now, so to leave me alone, I HAVE DEFINITELY MOVED ON.
He sent me a few emails back saying that he didn't believe me, that I was just trying to hurt him, and would I please take him back.
My first impulse is to try to convince him, so he will believe me. But he doesn't deserve to know anything more about my life.
You know how I feel now? Not hurt. Not sad for him. Just pissed that he won't leave me alone and keeps harassing me via the U.S. Mail.
I hate that I feel like I HAVE to read the letters to be sure he isn't going to do something crazy, or has plans to come over here, or whatever. It makes me feel uneasy to be in my own home.
The next time I get a letter in the mail, I'm definitely going to write "Return to Sender" on it. If he ever shows up here, I'll call the police.
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Wow. I've heard (and told) a lot of alcohol-influenced lies but that one is a new one. It reeks of lying and manipulation. Most alcoholic's lies are more believable than this one.
Please follow through with the return to sender thing. You can also likely tailor an auto email response if he ever emails you . This would automatically respond to any of his emails with the same tailored response and can be as kind or as cutting as you wish it to be. You can definitely do this if you are using microsoft outlook for your email client.
Please follow through with the return to sender thing. You can also likely tailor an auto email response if he ever emails you . This would automatically respond to any of his emails with the same tailored response and can be as kind or as cutting as you wish it to be. You can definitely do this if you are using microsoft outlook for your email client.
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Yea!! KP you are sounding so good!! I'm so proud of you!
I agree with dgillz -- that is some of the worst quacking I've ever heard! LOL
Just want to suggest something if you really would prefer to read the letters so you know what he's up to, you can have a trusted friend read them for you. But frankly, I think that "returning to sender" is the best message you could send....and for cryin' out loud, NO more e-mails!
((((HUGS))))
I agree with dgillz -- that is some of the worst quacking I've ever heard! LOL
Just want to suggest something if you really would prefer to read the letters so you know what he's up to, you can have a trusted friend read them for you. But frankly, I think that "returning to sender" is the best message you could send....and for cryin' out loud, NO more e-mails!
((((HUGS))))
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I forgot to mention one more thing that he said that I found extremely disturbing. When he wrote that he didn't believe me. He said, "I love you. I f%$ked up. But please don't give me the death sentence."
Is he telling me that he'll kill himself if I confirm that I am with someone else and will definitely not be with him again? He once told me (maybe you remember) that he'd stood on the roof of his apartment building and thought about jumping off.
I don't know whether to be angry because it might be an emotional blackmail attempt or to be worried and call the police.
Mostly I just want to not think about him or anything to do with him anymore. It's so frustrating. I don't want him in my life. Everything is so clear to me now.
Thanks for all the support. This whole journey has been just crazy. I'm so glad I've had all of you to help me through it.
Is he telling me that he'll kill himself if I confirm that I am with someone else and will definitely not be with him again? He once told me (maybe you remember) that he'd stood on the roof of his apartment building and thought about jumping off.
I don't know whether to be angry because it might be an emotional blackmail attempt or to be worried and call the police.
Mostly I just want to not think about him or anything to do with him anymore. It's so frustrating. I don't want him in my life. Everything is so clear to me now.
Thanks for all the support. This whole journey has been just crazy. I'm so glad I've had all of you to help me through it.
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Originally Posted by dgillz 
Wow. I've heard (and told) a lot of alcohol-influenced lies but that one is a new one. It reeks of lying and manipulation. Most alcoholic's lies are more believable than this one.
Ya, so last night my bf called me and sounded like he'd been drinking. After about 15 minutes into the conversation, when I finally got over the shock of him drinking, I asked him how much he'd had to drink. He insisted that he wasn't drinking. I asked him why he was slurring. He said he burned his tongue on hot bacon. This was at about 11:30 PM.
He spent a lot of time trying to convince me that he wasn't drinking. When he said noon instead of midnight, I said, "noon?" "Noon?" He thought a minute then got snappy, "Ya, noon! That's my nickname for it! If it's midnight, I say noon!"
I think he's been drinking all along and lying to me about it. I don't believe anything he says anymore. Bacon..
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keeppedaling,
I too think you are sounding strong and putting some excellent plans into place.
Return to sender on any future letters he may send you.
Calling the police if he shows up. - also, you don't have to open the door or talk to him or even tell him you are calling the police, just do it.
His “please don't give me the death sentence” - sounds more about the relationship then it does him personally.
Another part of your plan could be calling the police or your local mental health hotline if he ever does threaten to take his own life.
As long as he is getting some kind of a response from you he will continue to plead his case in what ever means (letters, email, phone calls) he can.
With each new step you take, sending letters back, etc. you will become stronger and stronger and continue to move away from this relationship with some pretty good new knowledge.
Keep strong!!!
I too think you are sounding strong and putting some excellent plans into place.
Return to sender on any future letters he may send you.
Calling the police if he shows up. - also, you don't have to open the door or talk to him or even tell him you are calling the police, just do it.
His “please don't give me the death sentence” - sounds more about the relationship then it does him personally.
Another part of your plan could be calling the police or your local mental health hotline if he ever does threaten to take his own life.
As long as he is getting some kind of a response from you he will continue to plead his case in what ever means (letters, email, phone calls) he can.
With each new step you take, sending letters back, etc. you will become stronger and stronger and continue to move away from this relationship with some pretty good new knowledge.
Keep strong!!!
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
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My first impulse is to try to convince him, so he will believe me. But he doesn't deserve to know anything more about my life.
You know how I feel now? Not hurt. Not sad for him. Just pissed that he won't leave me alone and keeps harassing me via the U.S. Mail.
I hate that I feel like I HAVE to read the letters to be sure he isn't going to do something crazy, or has plans to come over here, or whatever. It makes me feel uneasy to be in my own home.
The next time I get a letter in the mail, I'm definitely going to write "Return to Sender" on it. If he ever shows up here, I'll call the police.
You know how I feel now? Not hurt. Not sad for him. Just pissed that he won't leave me alone and keeps harassing me via the U.S. Mail.
I hate that I feel like I HAVE to read the letters to be sure he isn't going to do something crazy, or has plans to come over here, or whatever. It makes me feel uneasy to be in my own home.
The next time I get a letter in the mail, I'm definitely going to write "Return to Sender" on it. If he ever shows up here, I'll call the police.
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When are you going to start looking at YOU and leave him alone
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I hate that I feel like I HAVE to read the letters to be sure he isn't going to do something crazy, or has plans to come over here, or whatever. It makes me feel uneasy to be in my own home.
No, you don't have to read the letters. You choose to read them. The less you know, the better for YOU. Please stop communicating with him in all manner. Block him from your email and phone, or get new ones. Return all mail from him. If he shows up, call the police. The man sounds mentally unbalanced. If he continues to harass you, get the police involved. Only you can protect your own peace of mind.
No, you don't have to read the letters. You choose to read them. The less you know, the better for YOU. Please stop communicating with him in all manner. Block him from your email and phone, or get new ones. Return all mail from him. If he shows up, call the police. The man sounds mentally unbalanced. If he continues to harass you, get the police involved. Only you can protect your own peace of mind.
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delete delete delete...the computer is great!
LETTERS?? what letters..I never received any....*snikers*
ITS ALL ABOUT YOU NOW...in recovery...go to NAR ANON or AL ANON or even AA meetings..you will see how he is manipulating the whole thing...STOP! and THINK! you do not need to react to his actions and behaviours...
LETTERS?? what letters..I never received any....*snikers*
ITS ALL ABOUT YOU NOW...in recovery...go to NAR ANON or AL ANON or even AA meetings..you will see how he is manipulating the whole thing...STOP! and THINK! you do not need to react to his actions and behaviours...
To thine own self be true.
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Geez L2L, I get the point but she is looking at herself and is doing better by leaps and bounds considering where she was recently. Are you doing all right? Is something bothering you?
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Geez L2L, I get the point but she is looking at herself and is doing better by leaps and bounds considering where she was recently. Are you doing all right? Is something bothering you?
I didn't mean it to sound harsh. A little too blunt maybe? Sorry if so
Shucks, I just love a happy ending
I didn't mean it to sound harsh. A little too blunt maybe? Sorry if so
Shucks, I just love a happy ending
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Originally Posted by Learn2Live
Stop blaming HIM for YOUR refusal to go No Contact. Your choice to continue to try to relate with the alcoholic, your choice to try to continue to get what you want from him, your choice to be angry, your choice to carry that hatred, your choice to blame, your choice to hurt him back. When are you going to start looking at YOU and leave him alone?
And of course I don't carry any hatred (your interpretation. Possibly you feel hatred?). I'm sure I don't like the disdainful way you use "alcoholic"? As though that's all an alcoholic is? He's a human being, he was my friend, and a person that I love. I want him out of my life, but at no point have I ever wished him harm. Quite the opposite. I wish him happiness.
I'm not blaming anyone for anything. I'm just stating the facts. And if I choose to feel anything, at any time, that's ok. I'm a big believer in human's feeling the full spectrum of human emotions, especially when working through crisis.
Why is blame even worth discussing anyway? Who cares who's to blame? We all get through the heartbreak of alcoholism the best way we know how. It's sad for everyone involved. Everyone in here who is brave enough and trusting enough to post their story should be respected and treated kindly. Possibly before you post your ranting raving finger-pointing comments, you should maybe think about what you say and how you say it.
I think when I read comments like yours, it bothers me most because it probably scares other people who could use the help, away from this forum. Who the hell would want to open up and talk with comments like that Learn?
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Originally Posted by KeepPedaling
Oh, he's pretty good for those reeking lies and manipulations. Did you see my post from back in November titled, "He said he was slurring because he burned his tongue on bacon." And I wrote:
Ya, so last night my bf called me and sounded like he'd been drinking. After about 15 minutes into the conversation, when I finally got over the shock of him drinking, I asked him how much he'd had to drink. He insisted that he wasn't drinking. I asked him why he was slurring. He said he burned his tongue on hot bacon. This was at about 11:30 PM.
He spent a lot of time trying to convince me that he wasn't drinking. When he said noon instead of midnight, I said, "noon?" "Noon?" He thought a minute then got snappy, "Ya, noon! That's my nickname for it! If it's midnight, I say noon!"
I think he's been drinking all along and lying to me about it. I don't believe anything he says anymore. Bacon..
Ya, so last night my bf called me and sounded like he'd been drinking. After about 15 minutes into the conversation, when I finally got over the shock of him drinking, I asked him how much he'd had to drink. He insisted that he wasn't drinking. I asked him why he was slurring. He said he burned his tongue on hot bacon. This was at about 11:30 PM.
He spent a lot of time trying to convince me that he wasn't drinking. When he said noon instead of midnight, I said, "noon?" "Noon?" He thought a minute then got snappy, "Ya, noon! That's my nickname for it! If it's midnight, I say noon!"
I think he's been drinking all along and lying to me about it. I don't believe anything he says anymore. Bacon..
I had to quote the whole thing KeepPedaling!
This was awesomely funny, and I am glad you mentioned it again.
I got the giggles again,
bacon burn, and noon is the new midnight!
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L2L I think I finally get that about you. I think I'm finally able --all though it might be termporary who knows--to see not take how you say things to me personally. I have the same effect, it takes a lot of energy for me to be kind sometimes. Just sweet words. But I never regret it.
I read what you wrote on another thread, about your family, about your mother working so hard and your father making things harder for her. About how you're still angry at him. It made me see you differently.
Sorry to t/j Keep pedeling.. I wish I could remember some of the infuriating, insane things AH has said to me, found ways to blame me. They're brilliant! Just brilliant in that way.
I know how it feels to dread contact with someone. It's hard. All I can encourage you to do is use all of your personal tricks/medicine/power to heal yourself. Detach my dear. Detach. He's still sucking the life out of you, the sanity.
I read what you wrote on another thread, about your family, about your mother working so hard and your father making things harder for her. About how you're still angry at him. It made me see you differently.
Sorry to t/j Keep pedeling.. I wish I could remember some of the infuriating, insane things AH has said to me, found ways to blame me. They're brilliant! Just brilliant in that way.
I know how it feels to dread contact with someone. It's hard. All I can encourage you to do is use all of your personal tricks/medicine/power to heal yourself. Detach my dear. Detach. He's still sucking the life out of you, the sanity.
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