SASA

Well am atstep 8 and made a list of people I hurt and I am trying to contact them to make amends on what I did wrong. The problem I am having is the first three told me that I should not waste their time and that they do not want to deal with me... I have 4 on the list. Well I tried does this count for the amends or do I need to try harder? How did you do this? Any advice would be appreciated. I think at this time there is nothing else I can do since they refuse to talk to me about anything.

hendershot

Couple things:

You should work the 8th and 9th steps with a sponsor. Those are especially important steps for sponsorship. And they should guide you in terms of who on your list you need to make amends to and how to do it.

Assuming you have done all that, and still looking for advice. Making amends is never easy. There are some people I still haven't done because of my own fear. Basically, you just have to do it. Don't just call them and tell them sorry either. Tell them that you have something you need to talk to them about and figure out a time that is convenient for them to do so.

Pinkcuda

You've made your amends.
That's all you can do.
Their reaction isn't a concern because in noway shape or form can you dictate how they should or shouldn't respond.
That's Gods job and we gave that up that responsibility in step 3 if I remember right.
Amends aren't about forgiveness or mending a relationship. It's about you doing what you can to right the wrongs of the past.
They may or they may never forgive you. That's entirely up to them and God.
Either way, your side of the street is clean.

Brucel

The post about doing it with someone who's done it was right on. The 8th step is just making the list and becoming willing to do the amends and the list comes from your fourth step. I tried it ( the ninth step) without a sponsor's help and advice and ended up making an amends for a ill prepared amends. Our best thinking got us here. When you get to the ninth step, be prepared that some people on the list won't hear it, or that's what happened to me. The point is to clean up OUR side of the street. You'll do fine. Try to keep the expectations low and everything will be ok. God Bless

Pinkcuda

Correct! Not necessarily a "Sponsor" but someone that has done it before.
Preferably someone that has done it as the book instructs.

Taking5

If the person won't accept your amends, it is not possible, at this time. I had a couple of these and my sponsor told me to keep an eye open for possible future amends in these cases.