suic

My teen years were awful, I was alienated from the world. I became really depressed and started hurting myself, at times not caring if I lived or died. I should have gotten help but I didn't, don't really understand why. Then I started drinking in order to escape those feelings. My problem is that I was unable to responsibly cope with depression. Cutting, drinking, wallowing in self-pity, all selfish irresponsible ways to deal with it and none of them help in the end. It took me years to realize that. Now I'm getting help, therapy, AA, I need to try to fix this situation that has snowballed and gotten so bad. I drank last night, not drinking tonight though. I thought that alcohol's purpose was to make me happy and make life tolerable. Now I know alcohol's only purpose in my life is to kill me. It was tricking me into thinking otherwise. Alcohol is not my core problem, I am. My situation is all my fault and I need to fix it.

Anna

Yes, I agree, ultimately the problem is not the alcohol, but the reasons behind it that caused us to drink.

Please don't blame yourself for not seeking help or having the answers when you were in your teens. When I was in my teens I was chronically depressed, but had no clue what was wrong with me. When I did seek help in my twenties and thirties, I was told by drs that I was not depressed. Of course, that made me feel worse, and helpless. The bottom line is that I think we need to go through a process. The knowledge comes to us, when we are ready to deal with it. You are seeking help now and that's great!

And, please remember that alcoholism is not a character defect, it's a disease.

Dee74

Hi suic

I think most of us have had a 'me' problem...with me I ended up with a me problem and a drinking problem.

It's easy to say I should have known, I should have done that - but its pretty pointless really...we can't change the past - we have to accept it all happened, and take what good we can from that (at least we learned things along the way, and it bought us both here, right? Like Anna said, it's a process...)

...and then we move on.
What matters most is what we do about it all now, suic

D

Desert2trees

Okay dude... you hit a you're still in the right frame of mind though. You know what its about.... So it knocked you down for a minute last night.... kick its a$$ from now on - I'm really glad you have plans not to drink tonight. Don't be too hard on yourself... the best of us have stumbled... just stay up on your feet, work your program, call your sponsor next time BEFORE you take that drink!! Work on yourself, but don't let it beat you down. This can be tough, or we can make the best of it. Make the best of it man!!

The past is gone, just do what you need to do today. You know the drill!
Lori

SereniTee

That's why staying clean and sober is so hard, cos we're left in our company at last! Being aware of it is more than alot of people manage though- you are on the right track. Keep going xx

mercurial me

You don't have a drinking problem? Congrats on the recent sobriety but I'm a little confused by that statement after reading some of your recent threads & posts in past weeks. No offense or judgment meant though

artsoul

Hi suic - I think it's good that you're getting some insight and taking action. I used alcohol to self-medicate for depression and insomnia and it backfired (of course) and took on a life of its own. Looking back, I should have gone to counseling a lot earlier, but hind sight is always 20/20. Now I know there are options and people out there to help me deal with underlying issues.

Glad you're not drinking tonight!

stugotz

Thats the point! Drinking is just a symptom. You are truly "getting It"

Brucel

Hey, I was told that the ISM in alcoholism stood for I'm still me. That's the part we work on once we've stopped drinking, else we start again and again. I got and stayed sober in AA and there is a solution. God Bless