Recovery or Awareness?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Recovery or Awareness?
For some reason that I can't quite put my finger on, the use of the terms "recovery" and "codependency" have started to bother me. I've been giving this a lot of thought, so bear with me as I try to express myself.
I'm starting to see the use of the words recovery and codependency as perhaps not such a good thing. By that I mean they have--at least in my mind--a negative spin on them. Perhaps it's because when I use those terms to define me--and who I am--I feel like I'm inferring that there's something inherently wrong with me, and perhaps this has been one of the roots of my low self-esteem and poor choices for some time.
I'm trying to be kinder to myself and more accepting of my humanness. Today I tell myself that I'm inherently human, not inherently flawed and as such I'm subject to occasionally walking the wrong path or making the wrong choice--not necessarily an unhealthy choice, just the wrong choice.
When I use the word recovery, to me it's beginning to mean that I have identified and am attempting to correct a flaw or a weakness in myself. I'm beginning to prefer the word "awareness," because it denotes an awareness to new ways of thinking, new learning processes, and an awakening to new ideas--not that I'm inherently broken.
The term codependent also has a negative connotation in my mind. I don't believe codependency is necessarily a flaw. I think it's a self-defense mechanism--a series of behaviors I've acquired over the years to protect myself from emotional harm. For many years, these self-defense mechanisms did exactly what they were designed to do. They protected me from harm--especially when I was a child. But many of these childhood self-defense mechanisms became habits and many of these childhood thoughts have become outdated beliefs that I'm still accepting as truths today. This doesn't mean that I'm broken or flawed. It simply means that I'm holding on to ideas that were once based on childhood truths; they are not necessarily true today. As I learn more and experience more, my beliefs change. And what I accept as the truth changes, too.
As I make my way along the road of life, I'm realizing that my own unique life experiences and history have shaped me into who I am today, and as I experience more life, I will be continually changing my beliefs and letting go of old behaviors and beliefs that no longer serve me. Today I no longer believe that I am inherently broken; I am simply human. That helps me to be kinder to myself and more accepting of myself.
Awareness means that I am open to new ways of thinking, of realizing the importance of the choices I make and the people I choose to allow to walk along side me as I travel the road of life. I am not broken. I am FD and I am whole and good just the way I am.
These are my thoughts and beliefs today; they are subject to change as I learn and grow.
I'm starting to see the use of the words recovery and codependency as perhaps not such a good thing. By that I mean they have--at least in my mind--a negative spin on them. Perhaps it's because when I use those terms to define me--and who I am--I feel like I'm inferring that there's something inherently wrong with me, and perhaps this has been one of the roots of my low self-esteem and poor choices for some time.
I'm trying to be kinder to myself and more accepting of my humanness. Today I tell myself that I'm inherently human, not inherently flawed and as such I'm subject to occasionally walking the wrong path or making the wrong choice--not necessarily an unhealthy choice, just the wrong choice.
When I use the word recovery, to me it's beginning to mean that I have identified and am attempting to correct a flaw or a weakness in myself. I'm beginning to prefer the word "awareness," because it denotes an awareness to new ways of thinking, new learning processes, and an awakening to new ideas--not that I'm inherently broken.
The term codependent also has a negative connotation in my mind. I don't believe codependency is necessarily a flaw. I think it's a self-defense mechanism--a series of behaviors I've acquired over the years to protect myself from emotional harm. For many years, these self-defense mechanisms did exactly what they were designed to do. They protected me from harm--especially when I was a child. But many of these childhood self-defense mechanisms became habits and many of these childhood thoughts have become outdated beliefs that I'm still accepting as truths today. This doesn't mean that I'm broken or flawed. It simply means that I'm holding on to ideas that were once based on childhood truths; they are not necessarily true today. As I learn more and experience more, my beliefs change. And what I accept as the truth changes, too.
As I make my way along the road of life, I'm realizing that my own unique life experiences and history have shaped me into who I am today, and as I experience more life, I will be continually changing my beliefs and letting go of old behaviors and beliefs that no longer serve me. Today I no longer believe that I am inherently broken; I am simply human. That helps me to be kinder to myself and more accepting of myself.
Awareness means that I am open to new ways of thinking, of realizing the importance of the choices I make and the people I choose to allow to walk along side me as I travel the road of life. I am not broken. I am FD and I am whole and good just the way I am.
These are my thoughts and beliefs today; they are subject to change as I learn and grow.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 626
FD, I feel exactly as you do about codependence. I don't view myself as flawed or broken or "victim" of chaos. I learned a set of behaviors as a coping and defense mechanism and just as you said, they are a learned set of habitual behaviors. I am in the process of unlearning them.
As for the recovery process, I much prefer to think of it as a discovery process. Now that I don't feel I have to keep others happy/safe, I can concentrate on discovery. I can now discover what I want, what I like, who I really am.
As for the recovery process, I much prefer to think of it as a discovery process. Now that I don't feel I have to keep others happy/safe, I can concentrate on discovery. I can now discover what I want, what I like, who I really am.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: England
Posts: 741
Thanks for the link, it certainly makes sense. I find myself stuck in "stage 1", letting the past ruin my "today". Still angry and bitter about things I cannot control from the past and not sure how to "let go" of it all. Will have a good read.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
I love this! I understand so much more than I did in the early days. For me, codependency meant I didn't know where he stopped and I started.
It also ties into my step work. In my 4th step inventory, I learned that some of my character defects were just assets that were out of balance. I didn't want or need to shed them completely, but I needed to tone them down a bit.
The biggest part for me was this: Good stuff.
It also ties into my step work. In my 4th step inventory, I learned that some of my character defects were just assets that were out of balance. I didn't want or need to shed them completely, but I needed to tone them down a bit.
The biggest part for me was this:
Awareness means that I am open to new ways of thinking, of realizing the importance of the choices I make and the people I choose to allow to walk along side me as I travel the road of life. I am not broken. I am FD and I am whole and good just the way I am.
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