steve1840

she has been onthe streets for a month. i saw her two days ago for about 6 hours. i told her her family and i care for and love her and that i would help her. i do not know where she lives. she has a phone, no charger. she said she needs help and asked if i would help. i said yes, when you want rehab i will take you. i dropped her back off on the streets. she cried and asked again if i would help. i said yes.

do i try to find her again to tell remind her of her normal life and hope she might want the help or at least to remind her help is available or just let her go until she seeks the help? i think i know what the answer will be

steve1840

it just is so difficult to not even try to lead the horse to water. i know i cannot make it drink.

i am understanding the hands off stuff, but did you feel that you had to reiterate to the addict that you are there to make the call for them, and to assure them they are loved?

its only been a short time but i feel i have been pulled back into this void. i do not want to stay there, but i feel her void is even darker. how can i not want to make sure she knows i will help with the rehab? and the fact that she is prostituting tears me up even atthe level of knowing hte shame it is causing her.

i guessthe healthiest thing for me is to step away and detatch andhave faith that if she is ready for help she will find a way to contact me.

its very hard to do, but i dont need to tell you that

suki44883

She knows you will help her. She doesn't want it yet...maybe never. It is HER life to lead however she sees fit. If she truly hated it so much, she would be willing to do whatever it takes to change it. The fact that she continues on is proof that she is not yet ready.

Stop trying to control the situation. You say you understand you can't, yet you still try. Just telling her "one more time" that help is available is just you attempting to control. Trust me, she knows.

steve1840

anvil- thanks. i do not feel i am her only sort of help. but it is true that i am one of the onyl people she trusts, if not THE only one. all i want to do is to make sure she knows i am there if and when she is ready.

suki- thank you too. yes, i realize now that i am trying to have some control. "trust me she knows" That is exactly what i wanted/needed to hear. thank you

Chino

No matter what the situation, when I've done everything I can in good conscience, there comes a point where I have to say "I'm powerless."

I intellectually understood that, but it wasn't until my therapist had me say the words out loud that I accepted it. That was a very bittersweet moment for me. Hurt so much and yet so freeing. I cried like there was no tomorrow.

oshkoshberjosh

For me, crying is in a sense a way of healing, even if the relief is only temporary. It is a powerful coping mechanism that I have embraced because it allows me to let go of what I am thinking and feeling, even only if for a short period of time.

steve1840

anvil- that is indeed something to think about. there is a part of me trying to control something in some way. and i have to let it go. its because this is so fresh and i know from experience how far she can fall. it is just so sad. i also just found out that another girl in my extended family, only 21, is in the same situation. its as if the addiction disease isnt enough, there are dirtball guys who make prostitution possible. they care nothing about the addictions and struggles the girls are dealing with, all they want is cheap sex.

oshkosh- gardening is my outlet right now

Nerdgirl

Unless she is a minor that has been coerced or kidnapped no one twisted her arms off to make her work as a prostitute. She owns the consequences of being a "working girl" so please stop trying to shift the blame to the johns. She owns who she is and where she is. She owns all of this, not you, not me. I know that this is hard for you because you care for her, but please do let go and God. Trust that God will guide her in her recovery, because God loves all of us.

Chino

My daughter has hep C and is really sick today. I asked her if she thought she might need help and what kind? She said she'd call the doctor soon and I said ok, holler if you need anything.

cece1960

Well said Anvil...

tjp613

I guess we kind of have to think of it in terms that they have a disease like any other... cancer, Parkinsons, whatever. If my son has cancer, there is not a dang thing I can do to help him get better unless HE CHOOSES to see a doctor and follow the medical advice. The best I can do is pray for him.

dollydo

You cannot save someone who does want to be saved. You cannot love someone clean. You cannot control someone into recovery.

Steve, you just don't have that power.

If you want to help her, turn her over to her HP, let her go, she will seek recovery when she is ready and no one minute before.

You are convincing yourself that you and only you can save her--WRONG--no one can save her except her.

Rather than obsessing about her, go to the library and check out some books on codependency, read them from cover to cover, this will be a positive step in the right direction...for you.

fourmaggie

Here here!!

fourmaggie

OPPS!! still learning...
here! Here!