steve1840

i guess all the family, friend, boyfriends and girlfriends that have an addict in their lives all go through the same things. i am interested in this early relapse phase. my exgf now friend had struggled in the past. she managed to stay clean for 6-9 months then slipped then when right to methadone then sub. But then she fell fast and hard. this is the worst it had ever been. she went right to living on the streets of a bad city. It has been about a month now. for 3 weeks she was smoking crack and snorting some heroin. now she just started up again with the needles. so she "works" a few hours, gets her money, smokes crack then later shoots up. that is the cycle.

she hates herself for it. the only way i can find her is to get lucky and find her on the street. it kills me seeing her this way, seeing the life slip away and there only being this tormented pale ghost left. i cannot let in consume me, but it almost does at times, knowing that she is just out of reach to my left and is rehab just in my reach on the right.

how do cope with the feeling that someone is not totally lost yet. i dont know if she is slip-ping further out of reach every day or if being there makes her more upset every day. i think the first is stronger. the lure of the drugs is more powerful than the thoughts of quitting. there has to be something to do.

outtolunch

Being consumed with saving someone else ........

You do not have the power to fix her. If we did, none of us would be here.

Acceptance of having absolutely no control over someone else is the most humbling experience, I know.

BBD

Outside of an intervention there is absolutely nothing you can do to save her Steve...and theres no guarentees with that either... Its a stupid waiting game so go find something to take up some time and try to hang in there....

Freedom1990

There is. It's called letting go and letting God.

oshkoshberjosh

My therapist helped me set up some boundaries. All I can do is point out my addict romantic interest's actions to him, let him know the changes that I see in him, and let him now how I am feeling.

I am still caught up the emotional aspect...seeing such a beautiful, wonderful person go back into a very very dark place.

I didn't cause it; I can't control it; I can't cure it. If I could cure it, he would be cured. I don't know what his rock bottom will be this time. Last time it, from what I understand (I didn't know him then), it was pretty bad.

steve1840

anvil- yes, that is true, it does suck me into her nightmare and it brings me to dark places i am tired of revisiting. i do not believe i have any special powers. i guess because i know how bad it can get. this is the worse it has ever been. she has used before but never lived on the streets or prostituted herself. i have been hoping beyond hope there is some way to help her put the brakes on. i mean, if someone takes there first hit of the pipe do we let them go for the second without trying to keep them from doing it? i know this is way beyond the first hit of the pipe and the first needle. my cousin did it for nearly 30 years before getting locked up. hooking on the very same street. it kills me to see a beautiful young girl so helpless with her demons. but i understand what you and others are saying. she IS choosing to stay. she could call now if she really wanted the help. she could get herself to the nearby detox hospital. so i see (at least at the moment) this is her choice.

coffeedrinker

i understand, steve. it is very, very painful.

if you could get in the way of the second, the third, the fourth and the fifth hit....what would that really accomplish? it just stalls the inevitable. i've done that - i've flushed the crack, buried the oxy's, hidden the methadone inside the tube of the toilet paper roll and put it back on the shelf. didn't do anything, except put that next hit just a little further out on the calendar.

i hope you are starting to truly let go, sweetheart.

URMYEVERYTHING

Steve... my exabf used to tell me after he got sober that he was fully aware of his actions while getting high and that he "just didn't give a F**k." He used those words exactly and they tore through me like a knife when he said them but yet I stayed waiting and wanting that sober and clean person that I met. I lost myself figuring him out.

detaching200

Think about this...if she's just out of your reach on one side, and rehab is on the other, it's the same distance whether you're there or not. All you can do by staying there is get run over. Get out of the way.

lightseeker

the only chance that she has of hitting her bottom is to get out of her way and let her find it herself. There is nothing that you can say that will get through to her. I believe that telling an active addict that you will help them if they choose recovery is appropriate but other than that there really is nothing that will work. Strong boundaries and detaching allow the full force of the addiction fall on her shoulders. It's her only chance.

It is painful to watch someone you care for succumb but there really is nothing that you can do other than tell her that you will not participate with her in any way if she is in active addiction.

I wish that there was a way to love someone clean - if there was there would not be any more addicts.