mftrader

I'm at 25 days and have been doing fairly well except in the late afternoon into evening. I feel great at work but when 3:00 then it all sets in and lets up about bed time. When I come home I want the Beer relief but can't get it. I am not the same person and have little or no motivation. Kids being kids with the talking loudly drives me up the wall. I come home, grab a glass of tonic with lime and sit on the couch the rest of the night. My wife has friends coming over to spend three nights with us and combined with will have 7 kids in the house. That is when I really start going in to anxiety mode. Needless to say alcohol helped me in these situations and keeps me from just looking at my watch waiting for them to leave. .

Also, my boss asked me to play golf in a big fundraiser next Saturday, I played in it last year. But this is a big drinking tournament. Free beer all around. Last year I managed to drink 2 on the front nine and 2 on the back side all while being heckled for not drinking them fast enough. My boss got so drunk he puked on the golf course and never even finished the round with his father driving him home. It's an honor to be invited to such an event but I'm really not sure if I should tempt it.

mercurial me

I totally get what you're saying about wanting to drink with too many people around. That's a big trigger for me too. Booze always made a houseful of idiots a little more tolerable until they got the hell out of my house. Don't I sound like a social butterfly?

Good luck with the golf tourney. You can always pull out the ol' food poisoning excuse

OZboy

IMO: the hard times can be the best times..

once over,you feel so proud n' you know that your sobriety
..is further,resolute....'FOUR'...lol..OZ..

sampar

Well done on 25 days! I was like you in the early days once 4pm hit in i reverted back into an aggatated zombie. With help of a sponsor i figured out it was because in my drinking 4pm was the time i would be getting ready to drink for the night the nightly scheming would start, the kids would be coming in from school, homework, dinners etc would set me off i couldnt cope so i use to shout & roar then sulk in front of the tv with copious amounts of cans of coke.
I had 2 choices either look at this behaviour or drink, because that's what i was leading too. It wasnt easy but i took the suggestions on board. I had to dig deep & practice patience & tolerance because being sober without changing the pattern was pointless. Maybe you can go for a walk change the pattern, & stop thinking about your self get off the pedestal................allow others in your life there right to live & be happy.
Us Alkies want the world to revolve around us, but unfortunatley it doesnt lol .
Regarding the golf..................is it going to cost you your job if you dont go? If you feel underto much pressure, then i wouldnt go, if your soberity means more to you than people pleasing ......dont go.

artsoul

I was still pretty unmotivated at about a month sober. Infact, right around 30 days it just seemed like a dark cloud was over me. I know what it's like to want a drink at the "usual" time, but we both know it not worth it. Maybe there are other ways of relaxing when you get home, and maybe you can even come up with a few ways to keep the kids preoccupied. Renting movies is one of my favorites.

How old are the kids? Maybe you could even take them to a movie. Just think, you'd probably be a hero in everyone's eyes (especially your wife and her friend), and if you enjoyed the movie, too, it would be better than listening to them running and yelling in your house. Take them to the zoo or get a slip-and-slide for the backyard. Believe me, I know what it's like, and sometimes you have to get creative!

I do think it will get better, but it doesn't hurt to try some new tricks. Hang in there!

Anna

I know for me, early sobriety was a time of big changes.

It's not just about not drinking.

It's what you do with yourself now that you are sober. Take the kids out, have some fun. Play ball with them. Or go out yourself for a walk, listen to some music. You need to create new way to cope with life and all it entails.

cheesegrits

And i could surely say that since I live alone with no wife or kids that I'm so lonely all I do is come home and drink to relive the anxiety. Look with all due respect, embrace the life you have and don't tune out to get through those family/ friends moments. You made a choice to be a Daddy and are probably a good one. Engage the children, take them outside and play football or soccer. Set your boundaries and find your personal space, but do anything but drink to numb the experience. As far as the golf is concerned. Let me tell you a true story. I was invited to a "country club" outing with my job and several consultants. I'm an average golfer who breaks 100 on a good day. Every one was drinking except me and another co-worker. Guess what? No one cared. In fact the were so astounded when I holed from about 110 with my 9 iron on the 18th, as they were standing around the last hole and applauded. I shot a 93 that day. That's all they talked about in the office the next day. Much better than getting tipsy and saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, and it does happen.

Kerbcrawler

7 kids around, thats tough, i struggle with one around an a crazy dog..hope you got a place to retreat to, quiet spot..like kid free...area just to regain your sanity.. your doin great 25 days, i found the first 30 tough goin,at times, you might find the golf a good way to let out...after hangin out wit 7 kids..:rotfxko hang in there, best o luck.

coffeenut

Congrats on 25 days!

I think the holiday bring their own sense of urgency to join in the drinking. But really, IMO, your boss puking on himself, certainly isn't a badge of honor....or something I wish I could do.

Take it a moment at a time. Come to SR as much as you can.

Kerbcrawler

mftrader im on 68 days today, an although its gotten a lot easier,this afternoon, well its around 5pm here, friday, the suns shining,usual everyones happy an soon to be headin out to the bars,barbies etc, and i really feel i could pick up, its a strong compulsion alright, im havin to really dig deep to hold on, so jokin aside, you get the moments the times, were waves of serious temptation an reasoning run through your mind,and body,
to go get, but then if we do we end up right back in square one, im sayin hang in there, an tellin myself the very same..good luck.

Opivotal

kerbcrawler,

I'm with you. 30 days sober and still feel a bit fragile. I usually go home for the weekend parties bbq's, fireworks etc. Have decided to stay home and now feeling a bit sorry for myself. I think I would be fine but like I said only 30 days and don't want to tempt fate right now.

Problem is no friends or family here 6 hrs away. A little lonely but maybe a good time for reflection.

mftrader I'd find a place to hide lol Really I'd be thankful to have friends and family around. Grab a soda or whatever and feel blessed to be around people who love and care for you. Stay strong !! Congrads on 25 days. Good for you

Dee74

Lots of good advice here mftrader.
I found I had to find other ways to deal with my anxieties and irritations. Booze is not longer an option.

Like several people have said I found just not drinking is never enough - if I'm living the same life and have no other coping strategies but booze, the inevitable will happen...and did.

I wouldn't go anywhere where there was free beer now - let alone at 25 days, when I was still thinking about beer...

25 days is great though - keep looking for ways to deal with your problems that don't involve booze and I hope you'll find the next 25 not so bad.

D