Mr B

My AXGF appears to be going from bad to worse. Or, more accurately, from worse to scary. She had been cycling between a few months sober and a few weeks drunk. She's now been drinking heavily for a couple of months and hasn't been able to see our children, so the kids are really missing her.

What's really sad is the state she is now in. I saw her briefly a week or two ago and she just looked so thin, pale, shakey and ill. She also smelled strongly of alcohol and ketoacidosis. She's due in court next week on a DUI charge and I've heard that she might also be facing charges for shoplifting. In the past she's had seizures when she's been sobering up from being less drunk than she is now.

And it's all just so sad. She used to be someone who had such grace and beauty, such enthusiasm and energy. So little of that is left. So little.

I know the three Cs, I'm making sure I've let go to avoid being dragged, and I'm concentrating on looking after myself and our children. But I cannot stop the empathy.

I just felt the need to talk about the sadness of the situation. All those years ago when she started using alcohol to change the way she felt I'm sure she never saw this as the result. I feel sad and sorry for her. And sad and sorry for my children that they don't have the reliable, loving, engaged mother they deserve.

Mr B.

SoloMio

It truly is sad and terrible to witness. And sad for the children as well. But it sounds like you are carrying on with them very well.


btw...I love your avatar... isn't that early Dali? I believe I saw that painting in an exhibition in Philadelphia... sorry for the diversion, but I was so struck with it when I first saw it

theuncertainty

I am so sorry, Mr. B. Watching this disease do this to loved ones is so, so difficult.
Hugs for you and your children.

Learn2Live

So sorry you are so sad. This too shall pass.

dollydo

I hate this disease, it has tenacles that reach far and wide and effect the entire family.

Keep your resolve, your children need you more than ever.

wicked

Mr. B,

You are doing so well, and it is sad to see the person lost in the disease.
During my father's late stage, he would have seizures if he tried to go without.
It is terrible.
Hugs to you and super hugs to your children.

Beth

Still Waters

It is so very very sad what alcoholism does to our loved ones, and what it does to everyone it touches.

I just thank God that I don't have to fight that demon.

tigger11

Mr. B, My heart aches for you and your children. Although sometimes it feels nearly impossible, you're stronger than you think. And we're here for you.

Huggs, Tigg.

mrphillipctrs1

I used to tell my XAGF that very thing. Her addiction to me is a demon! If you think about it, in addiction the drug of choice is your soul.

Starburst

Hugs to you and family, Mr B, my heart goes out to you, I don't think we can ever stop caring for the addict. When I see how my AH has deteriorated from the last 3 years of drinking and he just can't see it. It is so so sad and heartbreaking. All we can do is give them to HP to take care of.

Mr B

Thanks everyone for your kindness. It is so very helpful to be able to talk about this with people who get it. If I express my feelings to my friends then they tend to want to talk about ways to "help" my AXGF, or what we should do to stop her drinking, or how she should want to stop drinking because of the damage it's causing.

Whereas, these days, what I need more is simply "Yup, it is a very sad situation. How are you doing?" I knew I could come here and get exactly that, and I did. I thank you all. I cannot express just how much I needed the support I've received here today. It is sad. But that doesn't mean that my children and I cannot enjoy life nevertheless. It's a beautiful day here.

Carpe diem.

Thanks again,
Mr B.

P.S. SoloMio, yes it is an early one of Dali's - "Muchacha en la ventana (Woman at the window)". It's gorgeous isn't it? When I try to picture serenity in my head that's the image I get.

sesh

[QUOTE=Mr B;2642555]It is sad. But that doesn't mean that my children and I cannot enjoy life nevertheless. It's a beautiful day here.

Carpe diem.

[QUOTE]

I'm glad you're thinking this. For me the biggest step in right direction was realizing my AH (R only since recently) and everything to do with him is only part of my life, while there were all these other great parts, that I was failing to see for years. Realizing this made me feel alive again.
I think you're going in the right direction, and as you keep walking forward more great things will be revealed to you.

I too love your avatar. It just oozes peace. Keeps me want to look at it again and again. And the name of it sounds ever so beautiful in Spanish... Muchacha en la ventana... the sound of it associates something like never ending oprortunities, in my mind...