10 years without sobriety
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 3
10 years without sobriety
Hi All,
I'm a 32 year old male. I've never hit rock bottom. Somehow I'm a functioning alcoholic. I had the DT's for the first time back in September of 2009. This prompted me to see a doctor as I couldn't physically operate. He prescribed me ativan and bloodpressure medicine. I definitely should have gone into inpatient, but I would have lost my job and it wasn't an option at the time.
Now I've been rotating between alcohol, ativan (2-4 mg a night), and lunesta or ambien when I can get it. Of course it takes 2-3 ambien or lunesta to put me to sleep, and then only for about 4-5 hours. I get 60 1 mg ativan a month, which gives me about 15 days without alcohol a month. I've tried going without either meds, or alcohol, but I just lie awake the whole night and then have to go to work in the morning with the shakes and no sleep.
On July 31st, my rental lease is up and I may quit my job and move in with my parents in order to sort myself out. I can't afford rehab, and I am not going to burden my parents with the financial aspects of it. They know about my problem and are supportive. They are both recovering alcoholics. It's been over 10 years now in which I have ever slept a night without something in my system - I don't even remember what it feels like to fall asleep. Anyway, I will keep posting on this board and I am very open to advice and support.
BTW, I began AA back in September, and I received some good support and advice from some of the members there, but I never attained a sponsor and to be honest, more times than not, when I would leave a meeting I would go straight home and drink. I am in a mid sized Texas town, and the majority of the people in meetings where there on court order or they were drunk/using and just lonely and wanting to talk to people while they were under the influence. This wasn't good for my sobriety.
Here in the next few days, my plan is to go cold Turkey, keeping a few ativan around just in case the DT's kick in. I may have to wait until a few weeks because my boss at work just had heart surgery last week and I am filling in for him. I don't want to let him down by choosing to do this at the wrong time for him, but my body is telling me now is the time.
I'm a 32 year old male. I've never hit rock bottom. Somehow I'm a functioning alcoholic. I had the DT's for the first time back in September of 2009. This prompted me to see a doctor as I couldn't physically operate. He prescribed me ativan and bloodpressure medicine. I definitely should have gone into inpatient, but I would have lost my job and it wasn't an option at the time.
Now I've been rotating between alcohol, ativan (2-4 mg a night), and lunesta or ambien when I can get it. Of course it takes 2-3 ambien or lunesta to put me to sleep, and then only for about 4-5 hours. I get 60 1 mg ativan a month, which gives me about 15 days without alcohol a month. I've tried going without either meds, or alcohol, but I just lie awake the whole night and then have to go to work in the morning with the shakes and no sleep.
On July 31st, my rental lease is up and I may quit my job and move in with my parents in order to sort myself out. I can't afford rehab, and I am not going to burden my parents with the financial aspects of it. They know about my problem and are supportive. They are both recovering alcoholics. It's been over 10 years now in which I have ever slept a night without something in my system - I don't even remember what it feels like to fall asleep. Anyway, I will keep posting on this board and I am very open to advice and support.
BTW, I began AA back in September, and I received some good support and advice from some of the members there, but I never attained a sponsor and to be honest, more times than not, when I would leave a meeting I would go straight home and drink. I am in a mid sized Texas town, and the majority of the people in meetings where there on court order or they were drunk/using and just lonely and wanting to talk to people while they were under the influence. This wasn't good for my sobriety.
Here in the next few days, my plan is to go cold Turkey, keeping a few ativan around just in case the DT's kick in. I may have to wait until a few weeks because my boss at work just had heart surgery last week and I am filling in for him. I don't want to let him down by choosing to do this at the wrong time for him, but my body is telling me now is the time.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 160
Getting past day one for me was major. I couldnt do it. I was drinking so much that the only way I could be normal the next day.....was to pick up another drink. The withdrawals are horrible but today, day 6, I am starting to feel so much better. I dont really understand the other things you are using besides alcohol, but it does sound like you need a medical detox. I probably did as well but stupidly chose not too. Dont recommend it.
I think you need to put yourself before anything right now and go detox. 10 years of using and drinking - imagine how proud of yourself you would be when 1 day turns into 2, then 3, then 4!!! Its the best feeling. I took me so long to get day 1 - there is a thread on here by Mamm titled 'encouragement for Almay'. If you read this you will see how hard I struggled. But you can do this. Just see your doctor and do it. Keep posting - I could not have started my road to recovery without the support of SR.
I think you need to put yourself before anything right now and go detox. 10 years of using and drinking - imagine how proud of yourself you would be when 1 day turns into 2, then 3, then 4!!! Its the best feeling. I took me so long to get day 1 - there is a thread on here by Mamm titled 'encouragement for Almay'. If you read this you will see how hard I struggled. But you can do this. Just see your doctor and do it. Keep posting - I could not have started my road to recovery without the support of SR.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Welcome to SR Fedor
going cold Turkey, 'keeping a few ativan around just in case the DT's kick in' is not a plan.
Benzos and alcohol are not a good mix.
Detoxing from alcohol alone is dangerous enough - throwing benzos into the mix is just ludicrous.
Please be sensible, be responsible and stay safe.
I detoxed from alcohol without ill effect dozens of times, but the last time I did, it left me with health legacies I'm still battling three years on.
Go see a Dr, discuss all this with them, and see what they suggest for you.
And don't wait until your boss comes back - do it now.
You can get the advice now - I wouldn't wait on acting on it if it was me, but that's your call.
D
going cold Turkey, 'keeping a few ativan around just in case the DT's kick in' is not a plan.
Benzos and alcohol are not a good mix.
Detoxing from alcohol alone is dangerous enough - throwing benzos into the mix is just ludicrous.
Please be sensible, be responsible and stay safe.
I detoxed from alcohol without ill effect dozens of times, but the last time I did, it left me with health legacies I'm still battling three years on.
Go see a Dr, discuss all this with them, and see what they suggest for you.
And don't wait until your boss comes back - do it now.
You can get the advice now - I wouldn't wait on acting on it if it was me, but that's your call.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 3
I appreciate the advice, but what if the ativan was what the doctor prescribed?
I've gotten my drinking volume down considerably over the past 9 months. It has gone from about 1.5 litres of hard liquor per night to less than .5 litres per night.
I have seen my doctor regarding this and he seems to think I am able to handle this outpatient. I've been totally open with him regarding the volume I consume.
I'm seeking advice, so don't hold back. Thanks for your help!
I've gotten my drinking volume down considerably over the past 9 months. It has gone from about 1.5 litres of hard liquor per night to less than .5 litres per night.
I have seen my doctor regarding this and he seems to think I am able to handle this outpatient. I've been totally open with him regarding the volume I consume.
I'm seeking advice, so don't hold back. Thanks for your help!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I don't think I'm sailing against medical orthodoxy if I state ativan, ambien and lunesta are not meant to taken with alcohol.
I'm not a Dr and I don't pretend to be...but if my Drs advice was as you suggest, I'd certainly be looking for a clarification or thinking about getting a second opinion, Fedor.
D
I'm not a Dr and I don't pretend to be...but if my Drs advice was as you suggest, I'd certainly be looking for a clarification or thinking about getting a second opinion, Fedor.
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 66
I have to emphasize what Dee74 said about quitting now. Don't wait for your boss to come back. I know it's logical and reasonable, but really that's your addiction talking.
If you really step back, your health is the most important thing in your life. You can't do anything without that.
Yeah, I think some sort of medical supervision is key here because of all the medications. That's such a slush your body is going to be busy getting off of it.
Good luck, and start today.
If you really step back, your health is the most important thing in your life. You can't do anything without that.
Yeah, I think some sort of medical supervision is key here because of all the medications. That's such a slush your body is going to be busy getting off of it.
Good luck, and start today.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Fedor and welcome! I hope you can get the help you need to detox (maybe a local rehab center could recommend a doc who works with addiction?).
I used alcohol to deal with my insomnia, too, although it actually interferes with normal sleep patterns. The first week of sobriety was pretty bad as far as sleep goes. But it's gotten alot better, and I wake up now feeling so much more rested and alive than I ever did while drinking.
I've take Ambien and Lunesta in the past as well. But after going to a psychiatrist for my depression, I am now taking Trazadone and it works for me. So there are options out there if you work with a good doctor.
You deserve to have a life again, so remember that. I know it's hard right now because your boss is depending on you. But don't put off your own health for everyone else, OK?
I used alcohol to deal with my insomnia, too, although it actually interferes with normal sleep patterns. The first week of sobriety was pretty bad as far as sleep goes. But it's gotten alot better, and I wake up now feeling so much more rested and alive than I ever did while drinking.
I've take Ambien and Lunesta in the past as well. But after going to a psychiatrist for my depression, I am now taking Trazadone and it works for me. So there are options out there if you work with a good doctor.
You deserve to have a life again, so remember that. I know it's hard right now because your boss is depending on you. But don't put off your own health for everyone else, OK?
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