hydra

I don't normally do the whole forum thing, but I thought maybe this could help me keep myself on track a little more than I currently am.

I'll start off with the beginning. I'm seventeen years old and I've been taking Xanax for about four months straight. At first just two .5 milligrams were enough for me, it's dramatically increased to the point that I need six to seven 1 milligram pills every night to go to sleep. During the day, I take another two 1 milligrams. It's the only way I feel that I can even cope with day to day life. I have an extremely difficult home life. Both of my parents are disabled and my mother and my father takes Xanax. I have terrible Anxiety and they have no problem what so ever sharing their medicine with me, since the doctor won't give me my own. I also find ways to weasel more Xanax out of my real mothers girlfriend. I have a problem, I've known I've had a problem for awhile now. I'm not really sure what to do about it. Rehab is a rediculous amount of money which we definitely don't have. I can't tell my parents that I've been abusing the Xanax they've been supplying me with. At the moment, I have fifteen left. I'm on edge just knowing that. How am I going to get more? Keeps going through my head. I feel open, and I love the relaxed feelings that I get from taking as much of it as I do.

I'm not sure if this is an appropriate introduction post, but I didn't know where else to post really since Xanax isn't a Narcotic, it's a Benzo as I'm sure everyone knows. Hopefully someone could give me some advice cause god knows I need it. I've officially hit rock bottom. I've actually stolen Xanax from my parents before when they wouldn't give it to me. They need it more than I do, but I'm addicted to it and I don't know any dealers. Basically I'm mooching off my of my family to support my drug addiction and they aren't even aware of it.

I'll stop rambling now. As I type this I've take seven Xanax and I tend to ramble a ton when I'm not it. All of my inhibitions are completely taken down. I feel free and I feel in love with that stupid pill. Has anyone had any similar problems with Xanax? I know quitting cold turkey can cause serious problems. I guess I just need some advice on how to go about this. Should I tell my parents? Should I even try to look for a rehab? I'm not sure, but I do know that I need help. This is the first step... right?

Chavo

Is there a school counselor you could speak with? There are also free groups you could attend... like Narcotics Anonymous.

My bro had seizures coming off Xanax and he never had them before in his life. Be real careful with this and find some help imo.

Good luck,
Chavo

hydra

I'm actually home schooled, so I don't really have any of those that I could turn to. I don't have anyone really. My mom actually just broke her hip so it makes the situation more stressful and I just want more and more.

I know coming off of Xanax is extremely dangerous. That's why I'm scared about how to go about getting off of this stuff. I don't want it anymore even though I love it so much. It's like I can feel my life depleting, you know?

Starburst

Dear Hydra

Welcome to SR and yes this is the place to start.

I can't believe you are so young, and even if Xanax wasn't a prescription pill if you need to take more than you are supposed to then it is a problem.

Being a mother myself, yes, please tell them, this is serious and you really need help. Could your parents not take you to a Doctor to get checked out, going cold turkey is often dangerous.

Thank you for posting here, it is a very brave thing to do and i realy hope others will be able to help you more. Please take care of yourself.

Dee74

Hydra

Please do tell your parents and pls do see a Dr - with benzos it's imperative you have medical supervision.

There's another recent thread on benzos in this forum.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...g-my-life.html

Also take a look in our substance forum for others
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Welcome to SR.
D

WhiteWave

17 was the age where I really started to open up again to my folks - began to tell them not only my plans and dreams, but definitely my problems too - and of course, everything in between.
Just after turning 18, I tried LSA - a derivative of LSD. And, while I was on it, I decided to brave it - and just tell my mom what was going on, what I had been up to.

She took everything in stride, and mentioned how much she respected me for being honest with her.

At this age, you're entering the adult world, so why not start talking about things like you're both adults? I'm 26 now, and when I admitted my alcohol problem, I told my mom right away - and she wanted nothing more than to be supportive and be there for me every step of the way - all completely without judgment. I don't think I would've had such awesome support from her if we didn't already have a foundation of such openness.

It was incredibly hard to swallow my pride and fear to make that first motion of full-blown honesty...... and I gotta say, that no matter what her initial reaction might have been, it just felt SO GOOD to not keep that stuff locked up, to not side-step that kind of thing when talking about my life.

Anecdotal button off

I'm glad you've made it here to SR, and I wish you all the best! Please keep posting, and good luck!

WW

Anna

I definitely think you should talk to your dr.

And I hope that you will discuss this with your parents, and hopefully they will support you.

You can break free from this addiction, and we have lots of support to offer.

hydra

Well, see. The problem with telling my parents is they are a little bit older. Being both in their sixties, I know that it would totally break their hearts knowing that they've been supplying me with my drug addiction that I've sworn to them I'm not abusing. My mom's asked several times if I was, and I promised I wasn't. She's in a nursing home at the moment due to her broken hip, as I mentioned before, and I even asked her to send some of her Xanax home because I couldn't take the stress. Even though my biological mother's girlfriend had given me about 40, I still wanted more. My mom sent me home about 20 that night. That was just a few days ago, literally. I now have seven left. I don't feel like I can even life without it and I have no idea where to turn. I don't want to break my mom's heart. My dad would probably take it a little easier, he's an alcoholic.. he could blow it off. But my mom is the one I'm most worried about. She'll blame herself and I don't want that. I'm the one to blame. Come to think of it, I think I wanted to be addicted to it because the first time I had it, it was just the most amazing feeling in the world and I wanted more and more. Now looking back I know I was stupid because I am addicted to it now and I only feel alive when I have it. It's so relaxing. I think the only way I'm going to stop is to find a rehab but that is going to be very difficult for me, considering we're pretty low on money and after July I lose my social security check because I'm turning eighteen in August. Something has to be done.

Today I actually debated on just taking all the rest that I had on top of Diphenhydramine just to see what would happen. I'm going through an incredible amount of stress right now. I always have been. I had to grow up too fast with both of my parents. I sort of just want to run away, you know? It's hard. I think I can do it.. but thinking and doing are to different things. I need to tell my mom, but under the current circumstances I can't do that. It'll tear her to pieces and she'll give up in that nursing home. I can't let her do that.

Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for all of your responses, I definitely didn't expect so many people to reply to me cause normally they don't. But really.. thank you! I think this forum will be a good place for me to meet people in similar situations that could help pull me through this on my own.

I hope to make many new friends and share experiences. You guys seem like great people, very sincere and very caring. I need that right now. Thanks so much.

onestepforward

Hydra,
What a difficult situation you are in. I am so happy that you have found SR. Don't quit this on your own. With the amount of Xanax you have been taking it could be a very dangerous detox. PLEASE call a local hotline, or perhaps contact a low-cost mental health clinic somewhere where you can connect with people who can provide good referrals and keep us updated on your progress. Good luck to you, my heart goes out to you!

least

Welcome to the SR family from another Buckeye! I would suggest you see your doctor (with or without your parents' knowledge) and ask him/her for help in getting safely off the Xanax. And do check out our substance abuse forum. Lots of support and good info there.

Dee74

Like I've said elsewhere - with benzos there really is very little leeway Hydra.

To not have medical supervision is foolish, if not dangerous.

We've all had to face up to the consequences of our using...for most of us that includes lies. I've been there - it's tough and awkward and embarrassing - it's hard and it hurts - and sometimes others are hurt too...but I hurt them years before I actually confessed what I'd been doing...they just didn't know it yet.

Ultimately 'coming clean' can be a clearing off of the board and a new beginning....and it can get you the help you need.

I know it's easy to rationalise things, but I don't believe you're doing yourself or your parents any favours here.

The best way out of the cycle is to get out of the cycle.

Getting medical help is the best thing for you - there's simply no argument about that IMO.

D

artsoul

Hi hydra - Sometimes all we need to do is start the ball rolling, if you know what I mean. It's like the fear is worse than the reality. So why not just start with calling your doctor (if you have one, or a doc-in-the-box), and talking to a nurse? Think of someone who can give you information or help.

By the time you need to tell your mom, you'll be able to say "This is what I'm doing to try to get better." She may feel very differently if she sees you're taking steps in the right direction. It's always a relief for parents to know that their children are at least working on doing the right thing.

Things are not going to get any better if you keep using. Just pick one thing to do today to start the process, OK? And keep checking back with us!