Wharf Rat

To get sober? It is time for me, I am at the end of my rope and truly feel like I've hit bottom. But I dread going back into AA-even though it has helped me stay sober for long periods of time before. Its not that I don't like the people, its just that I feel like such a failure relapse after relapse. I can't stand the thought of calling a sponsor every day and going to meetings. Is AA the only way? Does anyone out there live a happy sober life without being in a program?

Thanks for the help.

augustwest

No it's not, but it does work if you work it. Nice handle, btw.

DrivingVacation

No it's not. I had two years without it.

littlefish

Of course it is not the only way. I am an AA-er but I respect and promote any kind of program, AA or not. And that is the point: choose some kind of program, it doesn't matter what, just choose it to get sober.

You don't have to have a sponsor in AA, nor do you have to report your relapses. The primary goal is to help anyone who wants to stop drinking. That is the only requirement of membership in AA. If people push you to have a sponsor, you can just say you are not ready. I was in AA for a year before I even looked for a sponsor or thought about working the steps.

FBL

I've been sober for just over one year without any formal program. My life is better than I ever imagined and I have no desire to ever go back to that lifestyle. I'm living proof that it can be done. However, I'll never begrudge anybody who uses a formal program (and there are many alternatives out there these days). The bottom line is learning how to live without alcohol.

miamifella

Anything works if you work it. AA, therapy, religion, school, etc. But I think you have to be working something.

Wharf Rat

I really appreciate the responses. I have always been a support group kind of person, and I think I will need to go back to AA meetings. Its just so hard to look people in the eye again after another drunk spell. This forum sure is a great tool, I am grateful I found a place to write about whats going on.

aasharon90

Hi Im Sharon and Im an
Alcoholic.

By the grace of my HP
and people like you here
in SR I havent found it
necessary to pick up a
drink of alcohol since
8-11-90.

AA has worked for me
because nothing in my
life worked to help me
stay sober.

My will never worked.

AA is a program of steps
and principles, a guideline
to helping me stay sober
one day at a time.

Family intervention put
at the door steps of recovery.
28 days i picked up the
tools and knowledge of
my alcoholism and have
incorporated them into
my everyday life.

No one ever twisted my
arm to make me go to
meetings. I went on my
own to see and hear for
myself how others before
me stayed sober for as
long as they have.

Im not a speaker yet im
a listener that absorbs
what i need hear to continue
to stay sober another
day.

Sitting in meetings for me
and ill be honest, are un-
cormfortable at times. Unless
i walk in and havent been
there in awhile, people are
SOOOOOOOOOOO happy
to see me. They can see
for themselves that I am
happy. I look good. And
Im sober.

That gives even the new-
comer positive vibes that
people are pretty much
genuine in their feelings.

I enjoy shaking hands,
smiling and giving or
recieving hugs from another
person in recovery even
if i dont know anything
about them personally.

Just knowing im a a room
filled with alcoholics just
like me makes me feel
accepted.


Same thing here in SR. I
dont know any of u personally.
Never met you and yet when
we share our own experiences
strengths and hopes of what
it was like before during and
after drinking then i feel a
connection to u.

Where else can u get that
wanted and needed feeling
than right there/here with other
alcoholics or addicts.

seeker7

I've been sober for almost 7 months and don't use AA. I relapsed over and over before I found SR. This time it's different because I got educated about why I kept relapsing and also realized that I couldn't do it on my own. I completely understand not wanting to go back to a place where it seems that you've failed. Please consider the possibility that the addiction is putting up barriers to prevent you from succeeding there. You've learned a lot from the past relapses. Use that knowledge to your advantage and see what you can do differently.

DrivingVacation

I just work towards not being the person I was. I work towards improving everyday, in every way I can. I try and set targets/goals for myself and sometimes I meet them, sometimes I don't. But that's ok. Before when things wouldn't go my way it was the end of the world and reason enough to get loaded. Not now. Now it's proof of how far I've come and how far I've yet to go.

Never worked a "real" program but I do have quite a few friends who are recovering addicts who do and sometimes if need be, I give em a call and tell them what's on my mind.

My recommendation is to find something in your life that is worth keeping the way it is: relationship, school, job, family etc and realize how you got to that point, how much work you invested to get there and how far you'd fall if you had to do it all over again. Sometimes the best way to look inward is to look at what's going on around you.

Sorry for the rant.

augustwest

But I'll get back on my feet someday,
The good Lord willin', if He says I may.
I know that the life I'm livin's no good,
I'll get a new start, live the life I should.
I'll get up and fly away, I'll get up and fly away, fly away...

loveon2legs

Hi Wharf! and Welcome to SR!!!! I am sure you will find this site, as helpful and supportive as I have..there is a great group of people here!!!

As for your question, no AA is not the only way, I'm 5 months sober and haven't been....but I'm not ruling it out either....you will find what suits you along your journey... reading,going to church, long walks in nature and by the beach have been all things I have done...and lots of prayer.....if you have a HP asking for strength and guidance is a miracle!! I failed many many times and this time I know this isn't just controlling my drinking...it's a lifestyle!!! and it's great!!!

All the best to you, and keep coming back!!

getr345

Is AA the only way?

Well I guess that's a more complicated question than it would appear.

The quick & easy answer is to say NO, there are many paths to sobriety and recovery and this is true. However, I think the most honest answer is to say that for some people, AA truly is the only way. The problem is, they don't know this yet, or they deny the truth of it for whatever reason.

sailorjohn

Believe or not, and you will probably hear this at a meeting, we recovering alcoholics are grateful for the stories, we need to be reminded. Odd that, with all of our personal histories, that we need to be reminded of the cunning, baffling, powerful nature of the disease. That it still waits for us.

Thanks for sharing.

Chops

Wharf Rat,

Is the issue going back to the group with some type of perceived shame on your part?

AA is not the only way, members experience on here show that. However, if it worked for you in the past and the only issue facing former group members I would hope you can get over that and go.

You may find a very welcome response to having you back, if not, then stay anyway. :-) whatever you decide to do please keep posting and reaching out.

I don't call my sponsor everyday BTW.

Kjell

Does this mean that you went back to drinking though?

tellus

I have two and a half (well, two weeks short of it) years sober, the last two of those without AA. I use SR to keep me mindful of my disease, but for the most part I'm happily living like a normie.

I can't say for sure that I would be happy and sober now if I hadn't gone to AA for those first few months. But in the long term, it just wasn't for me. It sounds like it worked for you in the past, though? If the shame of relapse is the only thing giving you reservations, maybe you should give it another go? Remember, it's not like you're the only alkie to ever relapse. It may be that the fellowship is exactly what you need right now.

Best of luck, whatever course you take.

Lithobid

Hey gang, love the OP's question, and it's a good topic, I think sometimes people can become too focused on just "one way" thinking. Although I do have some questions about some responses I've read. I'm not trying to stir anything up, just discussion,

Little Fish - "You don't have to have a sponsor in AA, nor do you have to report your relapses. The primary goal is to help anyone who wants to stop drinking."

- dosen't this defeat the purpose of the chip system for the person participating. I know I relapsed in the past and didn't say anything at first, but it's about open honesty in your relapse, and helping others with that information? How can not reporting a relapse to the group help others not drink?

DrivingVacation "No it's not. I had two years without it." - does this mean you went back out?

I've heard a lot of AA folks say they were able to stay dry without AA, but not sober. I also know many folks who stayed dry 2,3,5,10 years without AA but always went back out, and it was worse than before when they did.

I would love any and all comments,

-Lith

Boleo

I know a guy who I thought was a bigger alcoholic than me, who stays sober just by knocking on wood. He became a Diabetic but continued to drink against the doctors orders. Now when he gets an urge to drink, he simply knocks on his wooden leg.

I know it sounds depressing but I have never meet anyone who stayed sober without some kind of a program. Although it does not always have to be AA.

IMO AA is the best program because it combines a spiritual, social and psychological program all wrapped up in one.

susanlauren

I had seven years with the AA program and six years without the AA program -- meaning thirteen years without drinking. I picked up a drink one new year's eve, didn't drink anything for an entire year, picked up another drink the next new year's eve. (No problem, right?) Then I drank 3 to 4 times a month a couple of drinks each time. (Still no problem, right?) Then I drank over the weekend -- more than a couple of drinks each time. (Weekend binges beginning of problem.) Then I drank every day a couple of drinks each day. (Continuing of problem) Then I drank several drinks each day and several several on the weekend (i.e., daily drinking plus binge drinking on the weekend). (Bigger problem) I hope you are getting the idea of progression, because that is exactly what happened. I went back to AA a little over two years ago. I don't know that AA is the ONLY program -- it's not. But AA is a program that worked for me. SusanLauren