Bored, lonely & want to drink
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 78
Bored, lonely & want to drink
Here I am on Day 9. I've been to 3 meetings and met some nice people. I wake up every morning proud of myself that I am waking up to another hangover-free day. I am happy with the money I haven't spent on booze staying in my bank account to go towards bills.
It's just...it's Saturday night. I'm bored, lonely and have nothing to do. My family all lives a 5 hour drive from me, most of my friends are out of town this weekend (and the ones who aren't are in relationships and have date nights) and well...I just want to go buy a bottle of wine. I felt (and still feel) like alcohol is a friend of sorts.
The little voice in my brain is telling me it's a Saturday night and I deserve to have a few drinks to relax, take a load off. But my conscious is screaming at me not to give in. I won't lie though. I really want to drink right now.
When will these cravings go away? Do they EVER go away? I don't know if I can live with these cravings for the rest of my life. I know they say "one day at a time" but these moments are really painful.
It's just...it's Saturday night. I'm bored, lonely and have nothing to do. My family all lives a 5 hour drive from me, most of my friends are out of town this weekend (and the ones who aren't are in relationships and have date nights) and well...I just want to go buy a bottle of wine. I felt (and still feel) like alcohol is a friend of sorts.
The little voice in my brain is telling me it's a Saturday night and I deserve to have a few drinks to relax, take a load off. But my conscious is screaming at me not to give in. I won't lie though. I really want to drink right now.
When will these cravings go away? Do they EVER go away? I don't know if I can live with these cravings for the rest of my life. I know they say "one day at a time" but these moments are really painful.
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
The cravings do go away. You are not alone. Some groups have late night meetings (especially on weekends)--that might be an option for you. Also, SR is available 24/7. Keep posting and reaching out for help. You don't have to drink but I do know what it feels like--having the mental obsession. It does seem hard at times--especially in early recovery. Do you really want to drink or do you feel like you don't have choice....as in feeling powerless? Help is available. We do recover.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Edmonton, Alberta.
Posts: 398
Hi Eleanor,
yes, it will get easier.
I'm also a newcomer here and am learning that in time, the physical and psychological cravings diminish and pass. Lots of people further down the sobriety line than us are not troubled at all by cravings.
I'm about a month in; am not physically craving and am working on changing the way I think about alcohol and other things. Every day is a small victory, so hang in.
Booze is always whispering in my ear that 'I deserve it', 'just a couple' etc. But it wouldn't be a couple it would be the whole bottle, then a walk to the booze-shop for another one, then I'd drink till I passed out, wake up hating myself and have to tell everyone on SR tomorrow. Bleugh! The reality of it is nothing like the fantasy.
Keep posting!
yes, it will get easier.
I'm also a newcomer here and am learning that in time, the physical and psychological cravings diminish and pass. Lots of people further down the sobriety line than us are not troubled at all by cravings.
I'm about a month in; am not physically craving and am working on changing the way I think about alcohol and other things. Every day is a small victory, so hang in.
Booze is always whispering in my ear that 'I deserve it', 'just a couple' etc. But it wouldn't be a couple it would be the whole bottle, then a walk to the booze-shop for another one, then I'd drink till I passed out, wake up hating myself and have to tell everyone on SR tomorrow. Bleugh! The reality of it is nothing like the fantasy.
Keep posting!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 143
Eleanor,
I am right there with you. I have to go drop my daughter off at her boyfriend's and I keep fighting with myself in my head not to stop at the market on the way home and pick up a bottle of wine. I won't though. But then I will get home and fight the urge again.. I do hope this gets less painful. It really sucks right now. I am also on day 9.
I am right there with you. I have to go drop my daughter off at her boyfriend's and I keep fighting with myself in my head not to stop at the market on the way home and pick up a bottle of wine. I won't though. But then I will get home and fight the urge again.. I do hope this gets less painful. It really sucks right now. I am also on day 9.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by eleanor 
1. When will these cravings go away?
2. Do they EVER go away?
3. I don't know if I can live with these cravings for the rest of my life.
4. I know they say "one day at a time" but these moments are really painful.
2. Do they EVER go away?
3. I don't know if I can live with these cravings for the rest of my life.
4. I know they say "one day at a time" but these moments are really painful.
2. Only if you learn new coping skills
3. Who would want to, except a dry-drunk.
4. Recovery is not just an end of drinking program. It is an end of suffering program for those who make full use of it.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: chico, ca
Posts: 321
Boleo, right on.
When we start participating in our recovery is when the bright light of the obsession begins to dim. I stuck to the other members like glue. My life depended on it. These feelings will deminish over time so I'll use the old addage "Don't quit one minute before the miracle happens". Well, my friend, if you've gone 8 days without when you are used to being either drunk or hungover, then the miracle has begun to occur. Stick with it. God Bless
When we start participating in our recovery is when the bright light of the obsession begins to dim. I stuck to the other members like glue. My life depended on it. These feelings will deminish over time so I'll use the old addage "Don't quit one minute before the miracle happens". Well, my friend, if you've gone 8 days without when you are used to being either drunk or hungover, then the miracle has begun to occur. Stick with it. God Bless
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 78
Thanks everyone. I posted about an hour ago and I'm still here white-knuckling it. SIGH. Your support and posts are really helping me.
super71 - too bad we aren't in the city same. We could watch a movie together or something...anything! I want to stay sober.
boleo - what's a dry drunk?
super71 - too bad we aren't in the city same. We could watch a movie together or something...anything! I want to stay sober.
boleo - what's a dry drunk?
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
" It is an end of suffering program for those who make full use of it."
You're still a baby in terms of not drinking. It takes time to rewire your brain cells and establish new habits that become automatic. I am naturally extraverted and drinking alone turned me into a happy introvert content in my own world. Then it stopped working. I had to learn and am still leaning more effective ways of dealing with the world in a constructive. At eleven months all I can say is that after a month or two it gets exponentially better. Though already mentioned, I can not overemphasize the importance of working some kind of program wheter it's aa, cbt, smart etc. Especially early on it can really give you some traction. Be a little patient, kind to yourself, do the work and it will happen.
You're still a baby in terms of not drinking. It takes time to rewire your brain cells and establish new habits that become automatic. I am naturally extraverted and drinking alone turned me into a happy introvert content in my own world. Then it stopped working. I had to learn and am still leaning more effective ways of dealing with the world in a constructive. At eleven months all I can say is that after a month or two it gets exponentially better. Though already mentioned, I can not overemphasize the importance of working some kind of program wheter it's aa, cbt, smart etc. Especially early on it can really give you some traction. Be a little patient, kind to yourself, do the work and it will happen.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
Hi Eleanor
I was bored and lonely too for much of my life.
9 days is very early...it does get better - but we can help the process along too by being proactive.
The one thing I can guarantee is, if you drink, you will be bored and lonely again....and sad and guilty and sick and remorseful tomorrow too.
Now's the time to think about exploring new interests and making new sober friend networks...that's the real way to stop being bored and lonely.
Sure, it's harder than drinking, but we both know where drinking got us.
D
I was bored and lonely too for much of my life.
9 days is very early...it does get better - but we can help the process along too by being proactive.
The one thing I can guarantee is, if you drink, you will be bored and lonely again....and sad and guilty and sick and remorseful tomorrow too.
Now's the time to think about exploring new interests and making new sober friend networks...that's the real way to stop being bored and lonely.
Sure, it's harder than drinking, but we both know where drinking got us.
D
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 21
hi Eleanor,
I know what you are saying about the boredom and loneliness....I live alone and work mostly alone and don't have friends or family, and drinking was all about coping with the crush of loneliness. But you are not alone, we are all here at SR.
I also understand thinking alcohol is our friend....I have thought for a long time it was my ONLY friend, but that is such a lie. A friend wouldn't want us to be sick and miserable and alone...and that's what alcohol did to me...all while telling me "they may have all abandoned you, but i'll always be here....." while slowly killing me an inch at a time.
only day 2 for me (this time), and I hope in time to make some friends and get back to how I was years ago, active in life, eager to fix up my house, work on my acreage, go fishing....haven't done any of those in many years because of alcohol. But I don't want to be the person I have become anymore. stay strong....congrats on 9 days!
I know what you are saying about the boredom and loneliness....I live alone and work mostly alone and don't have friends or family, and drinking was all about coping with the crush of loneliness. But you are not alone, we are all here at SR.
I also understand thinking alcohol is our friend....I have thought for a long time it was my ONLY friend, but that is such a lie. A friend wouldn't want us to be sick and miserable and alone...and that's what alcohol did to me...all while telling me "they may have all abandoned you, but i'll always be here....." while slowly killing me an inch at a time.
only day 2 for me (this time), and I hope in time to make some friends and get back to how I was years ago, active in life, eager to fix up my house, work on my acreage, go fishing....haven't done any of those in many years because of alcohol. But I don't want to be the person I have become anymore. stay strong....congrats on 9 days!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,496
I think that learning new coping skills is essential.
You can't live exactly the same life you did, minus the alcohol. In my opinion, that doesn't work very well. Maybe it's a time you could start a new activity - sports or a hobby, something that you're interested in. For me, I started taking long walks after supper and that has become a wonderful habit. It really helped me get past the 7 pm cravings.
I'm glad you're here, reading and posting.
You can't live exactly the same life you did, minus the alcohol. In my opinion, that doesn't work very well. Maybe it's a time you could start a new activity - sports or a hobby, something that you're interested in. For me, I started taking long walks after supper and that has become a wonderful habit. It really helped me get past the 7 pm cravings.
I'm glad you're here, reading and posting.
April 18, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,117
Hi Eleanor--I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. For the first few weeks, it helped me to let myself do whatever I wanted to pass the time--anything but drink! Paint your toenails, watch crummy TV, bake, stare at the ceiling, call an old friend . . . anything. Or just stay on SR all night -- I certainly did a lot of that. 
And it does get easier.
And it does get easier.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: los angeles, ca
Posts: 1,223
Hey Eleanor! I have a fiance a 9 1/2 month old, 2 dogs, 2 cats (all indoor) all here right now and i feel just as lonely as you do. But your not because were all here!
I just want to remind if you drink tonight how anxious and guilt ridden you'll feel tomorrow. Then you may drink something for that to go away and well you know the drill..Then you'll be back on sight when done having to do this all over again. Def NOT WORTH IT! Rent a tear jerker movie, and order a pizza! take a bath with candles. Give herself a facial. Have a me night! Enjoy it..
were all here if ya need to talk!
You can do it! Got faith in ya!
XoXo- Beth
I just want to remind if you drink tonight how anxious and guilt ridden you'll feel tomorrow. Then you may drink something for that to go away and well you know the drill..Then you'll be back on sight when done having to do this all over again. Def NOT WORTH IT! Rent a tear jerker movie, and order a pizza! take a bath with candles. Give herself a facial. Have a me night! Enjoy it..
were all here if ya need to talk!
You can do it! Got faith in ya!
XoXo- Beth
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 78
The kindness of 'strangers' on this site has brought me to tears. I can't thank you all enough for the strength and support you've given me. Tonight will be another sober night for me, thanks to all of your words of encouragement. I've mentioned before that in my life, no one knows I struggle with this and drink alone. They all think I just drink too much when we party.
So...opening up this way to all of you has been a tremendous burden off of my shoulders. THANK YOU ALL.
Cheers (with my tea) to sobriety and online friendships & support.
So...opening up this way to all of you has been a tremendous burden off of my shoulders. THANK YOU ALL.
Cheers (with my tea) to sobriety and online friendships & support.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 587
Hi Eleanor,
I know exactly how you feel. I feel lonely frustrated and really want to drink tonight. Thanks to the support of people here I will make it maybe trough the night. I only told 1 friend about my problem and he stoped talking to me on the phone.... I am all alone, but the drinking is what brought me here. Last year I was sober for 3 month and started to make friends and enjoy myself. I messed up and now I am back again sober just for days. hang in there. We can do it together.... If you want contact me, we can talk
I know exactly how you feel. I feel lonely frustrated and really want to drink tonight. Thanks to the support of people here I will make it maybe trough the night. I only told 1 friend about my problem and he stoped talking to me on the phone.... I am all alone, but the drinking is what brought me here. Last year I was sober for 3 month and started to make friends and enjoy myself. I messed up and now I am back again sober just for days. hang in there. We can do it together.... If you want contact me, we can talk
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 63
Hi Eleanor,
I feel such a connection with you.
Wine was my friend too, and today has been especially hard. What IS it about Saturday night? UGH.
I've been trying so hard just to keep myself busy so I don't think about it. I KNOW it will pass. One of my dear friends is in recovery too, after almost dying in a drunk driving car accident. He hasn't drank in over 4 months, and stresses that it WILL get better. So I'm trying really hard to hold on to that.
You can do it. We both can. I am so grateful for this site. Last night, when I was surrounded by wine and booze and drunk people, I kept thinking, "Just ONE glass won't hurt", but I knew it would. It would've made me feel awful. I DON'T want to start over.
I've been taking it "one day at a time", and last night, I said to myself, "ok girl, you are going to have to take it "one hour at a time" tonite. And when I really sat and thought about it, it's a liquid that is getting me so anxious? How silly. I don't want to be a slave to a liquid. Life is just too short for that. And that liquid has done NOTHING but cause me huge problems.
Keep your chin up, Eleanor. We got your back.
I feel such a connection with you.
Wine was my friend too, and today has been especially hard. What IS it about Saturday night? UGH.
I've been trying so hard just to keep myself busy so I don't think about it. I KNOW it will pass. One of my dear friends is in recovery too, after almost dying in a drunk driving car accident. He hasn't drank in over 4 months, and stresses that it WILL get better. So I'm trying really hard to hold on to that.
You can do it. We both can. I am so grateful for this site. Last night, when I was surrounded by wine and booze and drunk people, I kept thinking, "Just ONE glass won't hurt", but I knew it would. It would've made me feel awful. I DON'T want to start over.
I've been taking it "one day at a time", and last night, I said to myself, "ok girl, you are going to have to take it "one hour at a time" tonite. And when I really sat and thought about it, it's a liquid that is getting me so anxious? How silly. I don't want to be a slave to a liquid. Life is just too short for that. And that liquid has done NOTHING but cause me huge problems.
Keep your chin up, Eleanor. We got your back.
Wandering Student of Life
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: MSP MN
Posts: 126
Hey Eleanor,
If you enjoy tea, I recommend a really good one that's been helpful for me in early recovery and life in general. It's called Easy Now, and you can probably find it at any health food store, or in the organic section of your grocer. I think you can even order it online. It's about 6 bucks for 16 bags of tea. It mellows me out soooooooo much - it really helps calm the restless mind that often accompanies boredom.
Oddly enough, boredom was the topic of discussion at my most recent outpatient recovery group. One of the things we did was list all of the things we could do to pass the time and wear ourselves out for a healthy night's rest. I think there's already a great list like that somewhere here on SR, but I really encourage you to make your own. It can be pretty fulfilling to list all the stuff you can do with a clear, sober mind. Don't limit yourself - spend some real time making the list.
Wishing you the best,
WW
If you enjoy tea, I recommend a really good one that's been helpful for me in early recovery and life in general. It's called Easy Now, and you can probably find it at any health food store, or in the organic section of your grocer. I think you can even order it online. It's about 6 bucks for 16 bags of tea. It mellows me out soooooooo much - it really helps calm the restless mind that often accompanies boredom.
Oddly enough, boredom was the topic of discussion at my most recent outpatient recovery group. One of the things we did was list all of the things we could do to pass the time and wear ourselves out for a healthy night's rest. I think there's already a great list like that somewhere here on SR, but I really encourage you to make your own. It can be pretty fulfilling to list all the stuff you can do with a clear, sober mind. Don't limit yourself - spend some real time making the list.
Wishing you the best,
WW
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