ksumm77

Last night at the Al Anon meeting I attend, there was a great topic! It was on OUR successes. I wanted to start a positive thread about what OUR successes have been. Some may think that their success are minor, but every little success can have such a huge impact on OUR lives!

I'll start with one of my small successes that I had the other day. It started with Letting Go and Letting God! It involved my husband in recovery wanting to find a new AA meeting to attend. As we were talking on the phone, and I was right in front of the computer, I wanted to look up the meetings in the area and let him know what was out there. I stopped and realized that this is NOT my job! Someone told me last night that we can jump in the "hula hoop", but it's how long we stay there and then jump back out that we get better at. Maybe in time I will learn how to stay out of the "hula hoop"!

theuncertainty

Let's see:

• I've seeing a counselor.
• I've taken my son for an evaluation and am checking into the therapists that we were referred to.
• I've figured out what visitation schedule I feel comfortable with, appears to be reasonable based on STBXAH's history and doesn't mess with my work schedule even though STBXAH's work schedule is erratic (according to him). I just have to finish up about 3-4 subsections and write up the last few stipulations on the parenting plan and then I go back to the Justice Center for their help reviewing and filing - should be done this weekend and able to file for divorce next week. I am so much closer to untangling myself from him than I've ever been.
• I've learned to treat the last minute phone calls from my STBXAH asking to see our son (usually after STBXAH's other plans fall through) as business appointments. If son is available, a time is set; if he's not, Sorry, he's busy. I longer get sucked into STBAXH's pity-me stories or rants. (OK... most of the time, but that's so much better than where I was last month.)

Freedom1990

I completely agree. I know it's been all the baby steps I've taken over the years that have made such a difference, and thus allowed me to take bigger steps.

Each day that I get up, clear-headed and with no burning desire to fix someone, including my youngest daughter, is a success.

Last night when I got my knickers in a wad over my youngest, I picked up the phone and called my sponsor rather than letting the committee run rampant in my head. That's success for me.

Even though there are days my college experience gets overwhelming, and I get scared, I just keep pushing forward, even if it's an inch at a time. That's success for me.

On those occasions when I am feeling vulnerable and down for an extended period, and I have 'those' thoughts of thinking I need a man to come rescue me, I can recognize that kind of thinking and not act on it. That's success for me.

When I go to brush my teeth, and can actually look at myself in the mirror and not feel defective or less than, that's success for me.

Being able to hug others after meetings and genuinely feel the warmth and caring because I'm no longer cut off from the head down, that's success for me too.

Chino

My RAD is leaving in a few moments, for her regular appointment with her team of doctors (addictionologist, therapist, neurologist). She's working through a time line of her life, starting from her first memories. She burst into tears as she was checking her papers one last time; there's a lot of stuff she internalized and never verbalized.

Anyway, I heard her and gave her a hug. I didn't ask any questions, just told her I wish I could take away her pain but knew I couldn't, and that I knew it was taking a lot of courage to deal with it.

Last night I was really peeved with my husband and told him exactly why, and what I needed for us to continue moving forward. Today when he called and invited me to lunch, I had to decline but did it with love.

These are my successes today. Maintaining and respecting boundaries, doing the next right thing with love, and letting go, letting God.

It's a beautiful day and my heart is full

ItsmeAlice

Wow, great thread!

All the little successes really do add up to something great.

For me, my latest sucess is making the realization that I don't have to consult someone else when checking off a goal on my list. It's been my need for validation that has driven it and I'm slowly giving that up over the small things. Funny how it was easier to let go of the validation issues I had as a child and yet making a choice in all-weather tires or horse feed requires input from someone else. What's that about? At first I thought it was because I used to clear every little thing through my XABF and it was just habit, but I've come to see that I do this with other people, too.

Slowly but surely the tide is changing. I trust in my own choices more and more and skip right past the need to clear it through someone else.

Can't wait to read more successes posted!

Alice

tealover

This will probably sound really pathetic, but I've started becoming more assertive at the suggestion of my therapist and less of a doormat.

A few things I did recently: (a) when I was served softish ice cream, I told the guy it was totally unacceptable and to reserve me; (b) told a well-meaning relative to stop interfering with how I put my baby to bed at night; and (c) when a stranger was rude to me on the bus the other day, I gave it right back to her; and (d) demanded something at work that I needed, and got it rather than being scared to ask! Very small things, but things the old me would never have done/asked for.

bookwyrm

This week I actually used the N word - NO - at work! Just straight out and said it without explaining or apologising. Just one little word and I haven't stopped thinking about how I felt and the effect it had. I think I'll need to start using it a little more...