hopeful4

Hello. My husband has been clean from alcohol for two months now. He is doing so good. He went to rehab but he has caused so much pain in my life that I just don't know if I can ever get back those feelings for him. He is doing all the right things, I am just bitter that it has taken this much hardship for myself and my kids (not to even mention himself) to get him there. He is doing all the right things, but I just want him to get away from me.

I am in support and counseling and I know everyone says the same thing...give it time. And I am, it is just so so hard. Don't you all ever get tired of all of this crap these people are putting us through and just want to pick up your kids...and go! I wish I had done things differently four years ago when we almost split...and not agreed to work it out and just left at that time. I think that then I think "Well, he would not have ever gotten clean or went to rehab if I had done that," but who knows.

I get mad at myself b/c I am not responding appropriately to him when this is what I have wanted for so long. I hope it's not too late. There are days when I want him to get away and other days that I like being around him, but never intimately.
My super controlling codie personality (i'm working on that, it's an entire issue of it's own) wants to know when this will be better, when he will no longer be depressed and when will life just be right, if ever???

Wow...I guess that is all. Sorry for the long post, I guess it feels good just to get it all out. This seems so minor compared to what others are going through, i'm sorry! Thanks for reading.

spinwc

Depends if he gets his underlying issues taken care of. Most drink for a reason-depression, childhood, etc. If you take away the drinking, you can still have unresolved deep rooted issues.

Is he seeing someone for his depression? Might need to address that separetely.

Dont get mad at yourself. It is a healing process. Work on you and take care of those kids! you guys sound like you have been through alot.

Keep posting and venting-it helps

hopeful4

Thank you so much, both of you. I guess I am so wrapped up in him and his disorders I have never really looked at myself having PTSD, but that is definitely correct. Last night was good and it does get better at times. I really appreciate your encouragement and rationalization (really, how rational can I be when looking at my own situation). It really does help so much to have others who have been there done that giving you a word of encouragement. Hope you have a wonderful weekend!:::ghug3

coffeedrinker

Hey, Hopeful,

Here are some thoughts:

Be careful what you wish for? Who do I think I am when he's finally gotten the sobriety I've wanted for so long? Why do I feel this way?

Unless you had a magic crystal ball, that would show you not only just how life would be today, but how you would feel, you're allowed to change your mind, you're allowed to be confused, you're allowed to say "wow, I didn't know this would happen".

Did you watch the Lois Wilson Story by any chance? They dealt with the fact that all of those spouses of newly sober men had a lot of resentments stacked up. They thought it would be a good idea to talk about it, work through it, etc, and Alanon was born. These things don't go away like someone has a wand to wave over us.

This is uncharted territory. You have the permission of everyone on this board to proceed with caution, to be confused, to question, and to even waffle - believing that you want one thing one day, and something different the next. It is simply, a process.

Be gentle with yourself.

LS2

I feel i am in the same boat as you and could have wrote the same! Hang in there.

AlwaysGrowing

For me it takes time one day at a time. I trust bit by bit and my relationship gets better and better. There is a switch that flips with them along the way during an active recovery. Try looking for the positive side each day.

AG

Learn2Live

Are you going to Al-Anon? I strongly suggest it.