Irritated at spouse?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 16
Irritated at spouse?
So today is day 3 and I'm doing well, except I'm SO exhausted because of insomnia. Last night was even worse than the first...probably got 3 hours tops. Anyway, Luckily that's the only withdrawal symptom I've had so far, but I've noticed that my husband is getting on my nerves SO bad, and he's not even doing anything wrong!
I'm totally fine and in a good mood around my friends, co-workers, etc. But for some reason when I get home and it's just him and me, I want him AWAY! Can anyone else relate, and why is this happening? He's not doing anything different than usual, he's not drinking around me, but GEEZ!! Why am I so irritated with him??
I'm totally fine and in a good mood around my friends, co-workers, etc. But for some reason when I get home and it's just him and me, I want him AWAY! Can anyone else relate, and why is this happening? He's not doing anything different than usual, he's not drinking around me, but GEEZ!! Why am I so irritated with him??
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
because he is there....but you might be glad he IS there.
I would give my right thumb to have someone at home to talk to and have dinner with.
you will probably feel more tolerant once you get a decent night's sleep....i've found that some focused stretching of my back and neck helps me to sleep better and stay asleep longer.
I would give my right thumb to have someone at home to talk to and have dinner with.
you will probably feel more tolerant once you get a decent night's sleep....i've found that some focused stretching of my back and neck helps me to sleep better and stay asleep longer.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 16
Way to put things in perspective, Fandy - thanks for that! I am glad he's here. I'm just being a brat because I had to make a major change and he's just coasting through his evenings like normal. I'll get over it - I thought maybe the lack of sleep had something to do with it too.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Penny - I was really irritable the first week or two especially. Being newly sober, it felt like everything was magnified somehow, and I got easily overwhelmed with little things. My emotions were all over the place.
It's typical to become most annoyed with (or take things out on) those that are closest to us. They're the only ones that can really push our buttons...... Give yourself some time and space for things to settle down. And just try to see it for what it is and not get totally caught up in the emotion of it.
You're doing great!! Day 3 is super early and things WILL get better, so hang in there!!
It's typical to become most annoyed with (or take things out on) those that are closest to us. They're the only ones that can really push our buttons...... Give yourself some time and space for things to settle down. And just try to see it for what it is and not get totally caught up in the emotion of it.
You're doing great!! Day 3 is super early and things WILL get better, so hang in there!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
maybe you can get him to rub your back before bed? there is nothing like a back rub to help ease the tension.
also, I find that if I take my calcium,mag. zinc supplement before bed (with a small dish of ice cream), helps me start yawning....Haagen Daz is harmless in small amounts...keep the room dark as possible and cool. those night sweats are awful.
also, I find that if I take my calcium,mag. zinc supplement before bed (with a small dish of ice cream), helps me start yawning....Haagen Daz is harmless in small amounts...keep the room dark as possible and cool. those night sweats are awful.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 63
I have been dating this new guy for about 2 months now, and on Friday (Day 4), I wanted to kill him. Not literally, obviously, but every single thing that came out of his mouth was stupid and annoying. Even the way he said my name made me want to scratch my eyeballs out. Just like Artsoul said, EVERYTHING seemed magnified.
Though I live alone, I can totally relate to living with someone who drives you nuts, even though it has NOTHING to do with him.
Make sure to get some time to yourself, even if it's a bath and a book, a walk, or just some time to reconnect. That has really helped me not want to kill the new guy. *WINK*
Though I live alone, I can totally relate to living with someone who drives you nuts, even though it has NOTHING to do with him.
Make sure to get some time to yourself, even if it's a bath and a book, a walk, or just some time to reconnect. That has really helped me not want to kill the new guy. *WINK*
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
I was worse than irritable on day 3. The word starts with a B..... 
My hubby really didn't do anything wrong (but continue to drink).
I needed to learn to live sober. And I guess I needed to start with him....poor guy!
I think someone here wanted to use a wiffle bat. Maybe they'll share the bat.
Guess I'm taking a long time to say....be gentle with yourself. And with him!
My hubby really didn't do anything wrong (but continue to drink). I needed to learn to live sober. And I guess I needed to start with him....poor guy!
I think someone here wanted to use a wiffle bat. Maybe they'll share the bat.
Guess I'm taking a long time to say....be gentle with yourself. And with him!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 16
Whew! I'm not the only one. Coffeenut, I think my husband would agree that I'm your term for "worse than irritable" this week too
I only snapped at him once or twice...I'm really just trying to keep my distance from him so I don't go ape-y on him. Even when he wanted to hug and kiss me goodbye this morning I just wanted to shove him away. I didn't, of course, but I just felt tense and was thinking "ugh! get OFF me!!" And that is definitely not me. Today when I get home from work I'm taking my crew of dogs for a long walk. Maybe that will calm my crazy *** down.
I only snapped at him once or twice...I'm really just trying to keep my distance from him so I don't go ape-y on him. Even when he wanted to hug and kiss me goodbye this morning I just wanted to shove him away. I didn't, of course, but I just felt tense and was thinking "ugh! get OFF me!!" And that is definitely not me. Today when I get home from work I'm taking my crew of dogs for a long walk. Maybe that will calm my crazy *** down.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I think it's natural early in sobriety to be irritated with those closest to us, honestly.
It took a good year to finally get some semblance of a healthy sleep pattern established.
I spent many nights tossing and turning.
The good news was I'd finally sleep like a rock when I got tired enough!
It took a good year to finally get some semblance of a healthy sleep pattern established.
I spent many nights tossing and turning.
The good news was I'd finally sleep like a rock when I got tired enough!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Hi Penny,
I can relate so very much to your post. Especially the fact that I am pleasant with coworkers, friends, family but something about my partner has been grating on me. Everything he does, whether its sneezing, talking, or especially reminding me to do something (did you take out the trash?) it has been bugging the living daylights out of me.
I posted something about this a few days ago. I'll post it again here in case you didn't read it.
Hi Friends,
Not sure where to start so I'm just going to blabber.
Okay, I have been sober about a week. Needless to say my emotional state has been pretty all-over-the-map. What I've needed and had the past week is lots of alone time and to avoid stressful situations. My partner has been at work everyday which has been a big help.
Honestly, I've been a little surprised to find out what I am truly capable this past week. I've gone to the liquor store to buy cigarettes. Walk in walk out without any hesitation. Score 1 for me. Drinking juice and diet tonic in the evening. Score 2 for me. Working out for 90 minutes a day. Score 3. Sleep every night like a baby. Insert really loud record scratching sound
Okay, so as Dr. Laura would say: what's the question?
1. My partner is a heavy drinker (not alcoholic). He drank a similar amount to me but can stop without much of a thought anytime and has. I needed it.
Okay, the past week since we've both been booze free he waltzes around the house, exclaiming "isn't this great? I have so much energy! Wanna go for a 15 miles hike tomorrow? I don't miss drinking at all! Tra la la. Top of the world. When I don't drink I don't smoke. My lungs feel free....tra la la.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch reading SR and thinking shut-up-shut-up-shut-up. Like fingernails on a chalkboard. I find it much easier to not talk about it all, with him at least. My outlet is here.
So in one sentence: Is it normal to not want to hear lots and lots of fluffy positivity during your first week? Is it a normal withdrawal symptom to want to take a Wiffle bat to your partner in the first days?
2. The Insomnia.
This past week my only withdrawal symptoms have been irritability and terrible insomnia. I am not working right now so I have somehow settled on a 6 am-2 pm sleep schedule. It's been great while my partner has been working everyday. Wake up, thankful that I slept at all.
Everyday when I wake up so late I feel a little embarrassed. It's way after lunch time. I wake up and feel bad that I've wasted so much of the day not looking for a job, which I really need right now.
But, then I stop, think, and remind myself that this is my first week.
One of my partner's biggest pet peeves is people who sleep in past 7 am. Another one is when he has no experience with other people's predicaments, problems. Insomnia for example. Every night at 10 pm he asks me, "So are you going to sleep soon?" I say "soon enough." He'll ask again "What time?"
"Soon!" One tip for significant others: don't ask us questions more than once during our first week. Take whatever answer you get and go with it.
Anyways, today was his first day off. He woke up at 6 am. As I dozed off to sleep I could hear him and dogs shuffling around the house. It felt great to finally sleep.
1 pm: Bedroom door opens. "Good afternoon" he said in a smart ass voice. I croak "good morning," (reaching under the bed for a blunt object). "It's almost 1 o'clock. What time did you go to bed?
Me: 6 am.I told you I have insomnia! I'm happy that I slept for as long as I did.
Him: Yeah but it's almost one o'clock. I thought you were going to sleep earlier.
Me: I've told you it's not easy to stop drinking . Look it up on the internet. It's a withdrawal symptom. Stop drinking, stop sleeping. Get it?
Him: Yeah, but you've slept the whole day.
Me: (getting really upset) I TOLD YOU>I stopped drinking and now I can't sleep. You've told me to stop drinking for a long time. Well now I have. happy? It's not like I work today.
Then he really lit the fuse to the Melinda nuclear bomb:::::
Him: Of course you're off. You don't have a job
I whirled out the front door, sped off and here I sit using Mcdonalds handy WiFi.
He is a good person. He means well. However, he is prideful, self-righteous, and not sure how to deal with me now. I've been drunk for three years.
I would love to hear your stories about your dealings with your significant others during your first week.
One more question: Do they sell Wiffle bats at Target?
I can relate so very much to your post. Especially the fact that I am pleasant with coworkers, friends, family but something about my partner has been grating on me. Everything he does, whether its sneezing, talking, or especially reminding me to do something (did you take out the trash?) it has been bugging the living daylights out of me.
I posted something about this a few days ago. I'll post it again here in case you didn't read it.
Hi Friends,
Not sure where to start so I'm just going to blabber.
Okay, I have been sober about a week. Needless to say my emotional state has been pretty all-over-the-map. What I've needed and had the past week is lots of alone time and to avoid stressful situations. My partner has been at work everyday which has been a big help.
Honestly, I've been a little surprised to find out what I am truly capable this past week. I've gone to the liquor store to buy cigarettes. Walk in walk out without any hesitation. Score 1 for me. Drinking juice and diet tonic in the evening. Score 2 for me. Working out for 90 minutes a day. Score 3. Sleep every night like a baby. Insert really loud record scratching sound
Okay, so as Dr. Laura would say: what's the question?
1. My partner is a heavy drinker (not alcoholic). He drank a similar amount to me but can stop without much of a thought anytime and has. I needed it.
Okay, the past week since we've both been booze free he waltzes around the house, exclaiming "isn't this great? I have so much energy! Wanna go for a 15 miles hike tomorrow? I don't miss drinking at all! Tra la la. Top of the world. When I don't drink I don't smoke. My lungs feel free....tra la la.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch reading SR and thinking shut-up-shut-up-shut-up. Like fingernails on a chalkboard. I find it much easier to not talk about it all, with him at least. My outlet is here.
So in one sentence: Is it normal to not want to hear lots and lots of fluffy positivity during your first week? Is it a normal withdrawal symptom to want to take a Wiffle bat to your partner in the first days?
2. The Insomnia.
This past week my only withdrawal symptoms have been irritability and terrible insomnia. I am not working right now so I have somehow settled on a 6 am-2 pm sleep schedule. It's been great while my partner has been working everyday. Wake up, thankful that I slept at all.
Everyday when I wake up so late I feel a little embarrassed. It's way after lunch time. I wake up and feel bad that I've wasted so much of the day not looking for a job, which I really need right now.
But, then I stop, think, and remind myself that this is my first week.
One of my partner's biggest pet peeves is people who sleep in past 7 am. Another one is when he has no experience with other people's predicaments, problems. Insomnia for example. Every night at 10 pm he asks me, "So are you going to sleep soon?" I say "soon enough." He'll ask again "What time?"
"Soon!" One tip for significant others: don't ask us questions more than once during our first week. Take whatever answer you get and go with it.
Anyways, today was his first day off. He woke up at 6 am. As I dozed off to sleep I could hear him and dogs shuffling around the house. It felt great to finally sleep.
1 pm: Bedroom door opens. "Good afternoon" he said in a smart ass voice. I croak "good morning," (reaching under the bed for a blunt object). "It's almost 1 o'clock. What time did you go to bed?
Me: 6 am.I told you I have insomnia! I'm happy that I slept for as long as I did.
Him: Yeah but it's almost one o'clock. I thought you were going to sleep earlier.
Me: I've told you it's not easy to stop drinking . Look it up on the internet. It's a withdrawal symptom. Stop drinking, stop sleeping. Get it?
Him: Yeah, but you've slept the whole day.
Me: (getting really upset) I TOLD YOU>I stopped drinking and now I can't sleep. You've told me to stop drinking for a long time. Well now I have. happy? It's not like I work today.
Then he really lit the fuse to the Melinda nuclear bomb:::::
Him: Of course you're off. You don't have a job
I whirled out the front door, sped off and here I sit using Mcdonalds handy WiFi.
He is a good person. He means well. However, he is prideful, self-righteous, and not sure how to deal with me now. I've been drunk for three years.
I would love to hear your stories about your dealings with your significant others during your first week.
One more question: Do they sell Wiffle bats at Target?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 16
Thanks Melinda - I actually stumbled across your post after I posted mine and it made me feel SO much better! Last night was better because I only spent about a half hour with him when we took the dogs for a walk, then he went into his man cave while I read in bed. I think he's getting smart and trying to keep his distance now!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Boston, ma
Posts: 59
Melindaflowers:
lol, even I was getting annoyed with him while reading your post. He seems like a well meaning guy and is looking out for you. The humor in your post gave me the first smile of the day.
Enjoy the day and the weekend.
lol, even I was getting annoyed with him while reading your post. He seems like a well meaning guy and is looking out for you. The humor in your post gave me the first smile of the day.
Enjoy the day and the weekend.
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